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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

337 replies

LittleMissUnreasonable · 28/02/2018 15:58

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

OP posts:
shartsi · 28/02/2018 16:53

When I privately rented one person called me stupid for not lying about my circumstances so that I could get social housing!

Valentinesfart · 28/02/2018 16:53

upsideup I know. You said that in your earlier post. I was saying that in some areas it is impossible for a 22 year old to save the money for a deposit on a house. So if a 22 year old buys the house next to mine (where I can barely afford the rent). I know they didn't have the deposit for it because there is literally no way they could have save it in 6 years. Mum and Dan bankrolled it.

crazycatgal · 28/02/2018 16:54

I agree, I'm sick of asking people my age (early 20s) how they managed to buy and finding out that their parents gave them 15k for a deposit. These people often expect to be given a deposit as well.

Sassychiccy · 28/02/2018 16:54

But even if someone is gifted £10k it doesn’t mean they haven’t worked hard to save a deposit - say it’s a 200k house with a 20% deposit, they’ve still had to save 30k...

FaFoutis · 28/02/2018 16:55

given

RidingWindhorses · 28/02/2018 16:55

Wherever you on the wealth ladder there are always people better off than you. It's not worth getting worked up about.

MN164 · 28/02/2018 16:55

The disparity of wealth between old and young and the high valuations of assets and property mean that this is going to happen more and more. Those elderly people with all the assets are going to have to give it to the next generation, its just that many elderly people have nothing to give and a small proportion have huge amounts to give. The children of those people can't be blamed for that, but they can be expected to be self aware given how skewed wealth is in our society now.

BlondeB83 · 28/02/2018 16:56

FaFoutis yes it is, it’s just not all that common.

en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/gift

bellsandwhistles89 · 28/02/2018 16:58

I am unlucky that I lost my parents at a young age.

I am lucky that I received a good inheritance.

The difference is that some people are entitled by nature and some people aren't.

ReelingLush18 · 28/02/2018 16:59

I have a friend who quite clearly looks down on the house we own (with no bank of M&D input). The fact that her DH inherited a sum to buy their home outright (in a much less expensive part of the country) doesn't seem to enter her head.

furryfrog · 28/02/2018 16:59

I'd be very annoyed with someone who was smug about buying and wasn't upfront about a gifted deposit, but to be honest most people I know have been fairly upfront about being given help. We're in London and about a third of the people I know were given deposits and are honest about it and aren't smug. But that leaves plenty of others who have just saved hard, lived in flatshares, lived with parents (in tiny flats sharing with adult siblings), used HTB or RTB. DH and I lived in flatshares and saved hard for 10 years and we didn't get any help from our parents - it annoys me a bit that people might assume we've had handouts to buy our flat in our 30s, just because they think we were only saving for 1-2 years.

And as an aside, where do parents (usually aged 55-60-ish) pull 50 grand from to hand to their adult children?

Often it seems to be a tax free lump sum from a pension, as you can access these at 55. It's sensible inheritance planning for some parents, if they are continuing to work and don't need the money, because there's a good chance they'll live another 7 years and so it won't be affected by inheritance tax.

SweetLike · 28/02/2018 16:59

I can see why that would grate on you, I tune out very quickly to people who talk like that because normally their attitude is the same to everything whatever the topic.

I am a 20 something (mortgaged) home owner with DH. We scrimped and saved and did our first house up and had some luck with prices going up at the same time, meaning we could also upgrade much sooner. I get fed up with people assuming we haven't worked for it, and that we are 'snowflakes'. Even some of my friends get funny if I say I can't do something because I'm a bit skint...'well at least you have the house' type comments, and therefore I shouldn't mention being skint apparently. That's usually the difference though, we're skint because we plough money into the house, not on Burberry, and I don't make a point of talking about home ownership generally.

SuburbanRhonda · 28/02/2018 17:02

I had no idea there were so many people who gave a shit about what others thought of their financial and housing situation.

Cowsopinion · 28/02/2018 17:03

YANBU OP. I know a few people who think like that. Almost as if renting is beneath them but taking money they haven't earned from their hard working parents isn't.. Hmm

Treats · 28/02/2018 17:03

Actually “gifted” has a specific meaning - to transfer ownership without receiving a consideration - while “given” is a broader term. If I say I’m going to give you something, it’s ambiguous as to whether I expect you either to return it or give me something in exchange. If I say I’m going to gift it to you, the meaning is clearer.

As you were.

PlanNumber · 28/02/2018 17:03

The ones who've really annoyed me recently are the ones retiring on the proceeds of their right to buy council houses. They seem to genuinely believe "they worked hard all their lives" unlike the poor soles now having to pay extortionate rents because there are no more council houses.

TheClitterati · 28/02/2018 17:06

I sold my flat in london recently. Estate agent told me the buyer (27yo city worker) had a deposit of £100k from their
Parents.

Nice for some.

PlanNumber · 28/02/2018 17:08

Souls! I swear I didn't type that wrong!

Glumglowworm · 28/02/2018 17:10

YANBU

And even if the parents haven’t given them actual money, they’ve only been able to save thousands because they were living with their parents either for free or for a nominal contribution.

I’d be able to save half my salary too if I didn’t have rent and bills to pay!

AssumeItWasSomethingClever · 28/02/2018 17:11

My partner and I bought a house when we were 24 and 23 so I feel like we're probably a prime example of what you're talking about.
We managed to raise a deposit by the following;
£3000 inheritance from my Great Nan.
£2000 from DP's childhood ISA.
£9000 through saving our wages. We were very lucky and were only paying £450 per month whilst renting a 2 bed house.
We were also offered a mortgage of £200k with a 5% deposit which helped massively.
I definitely don't look down on any of our friends who are still renting or living with parents. I do think that I wouldn't chose to waste my monthly income on nights out but that's their choice as much as staying at home every weekend was ours.
I get very frustrated when people assume we were gifted our deposit or that "mummy and daddy" pay our mortgage.

natureshaped · 28/02/2018 17:14

I don't think YABU, but everyone I know my age (me included) is only on the property ladder because of parents. From gifts of 10k+ to outright buying a first home. We have had a gift of 30k and would be renting without it. I have privately rented for 8 years and we are so lucky to have the chance we do.

The one example I can think of who now owns their own home (same age as me again) without much help is on a part-buy scheme. But he has been so broke since saving for his 5k deposit, he is a very dear friend and drove to my wedding and home because they couldn't afford to stay (premier inn... nothing fancy!). They also had to decline the Christening because they couldn't afford the petrol so they have really struggled for that deposit.

I honestly think it is so SO much harder for our generation. I know people hate hearing that, but it is. Wages rise by 1% but inflation and the cost of living by 6% (figures from our parish council- not sure about nationally) and 'starter homes' in our area are a joke.

Without help we would be renting forever and I don't judge anyone in this position.

rothbury · 28/02/2018 17:15

Well YANBU if you actually are mixing with lots of horrible smug bastards who say such things.

I know quite a few people who have been given money or inherited money from parents/other relatives which has enabled them to buy a home.I haven't ever heard them be so wanky about it though. Generally people tend to be honest and say yes, I am so lucky, my parents gave me £40k, or I used the £20k I inherited from my Grandad to start off my savings for a deposit.

I think you need to find nicer people to hang out with OP!! Smile

Twocatsonebaby · 28/02/2018 17:15

I am that privileged person Blush
But... The circumstances are completely different. This is my family home. I was bought home here as a baby from the hospital. Til my mom left my dad, he had this house. But he's an idiot and can't afford it and he's remortgaged and put himself into a lot of debt. So my mom and stepddad planned to save it by giving my dad x amount and I pay the rest. So the mortgage is fortunately very cheap. But I am paying it. It was valued very cheap as my dad ran it to the ground. Like a drug dealers paradise. Disgusting. But I've put all the money and work into it to have a home for dd and ex dp. (now kicked him out). I'll always give credit to my mom and stepddad that they purchased this. But it's to make profit to all move in together. But at 21 I kinda have my own home if that makes sense? I'm paying the mortgage etc
I don't like when they take all the credit. I hate it it. Its so.. Ugh entitled asshole. But sometimes the circumstances can be different. This house was going to be repossessed and my parents saw an investment for myself and my dc also.

natureshaped · 28/02/2018 17:18

FaFoutis

Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad
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