Smug young homeowners from the Bank of Mum and Dad

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

AIBU unreasonable to find it very irritating when young couples/young people manage to buy their first home early and spout the whole
"We worked so hard to save
"We deserve it "
"We didn't want to rent anymore"
"I can't believe some people still rent"
"We've got loads saved up for a house deposit "

Which is all fine...until you realise the house deposit it was 'gifted' by parents. Again that's fine

I just think it's irritating that entitled trust fund 20-somethings looking down on renters for not yet being on the property ladder yet fail to mention most of their deposit was from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

Not everyone can have that privilege and it's unfair to look down on those without

tinkywinky (and Barbara who makes a similar point) that is very true. There is an element of luck in every situation I suppose. It takes incredible grit and determination to carry on after a bereavement without the added pressure of having to support oneself financially at such a young age and cope with the loss of support network too. I'm very sorry for your loss

I lived with someone ages ago (flat mates) in his Mortgaged property. I’ll never forget him saying to my friend and me re buying your own place ‘you make your own luck’. This is someone who had parents to pay for uni and gave him a deposit.

I rented for over 20 years. Only could afford a one bed flat when family members died and I was lucky enough to inherit a bit.

YANBU.

And as an aside, where do parents (usually aged 55-60-ish) pull 50 grand from to hand to their adult children?

It's like that programme 'a house for a pound' or whatever, where Liverpool council sold off 100-odd run down terraced shit-holes for a pound each, (in a dog rough area!) on the condition they were done up within a year. (They needed new heating system, new electrics, new windows, new doors, new bathroom, new kitchen.)

The average cost to do up the homes was £40K to £60K to do up. Then they should be worth around £80K to 90K.

One girl had her parents give her £45K to put into her house. I also know 5 or 6 people (aged 25 to 35,) whose parents have gifted them £35K to £60K. Just like that. Where do they get the money from?

Me and DH are middle aged, and I cannot see us ever having a TENTH of that to gift to our kids when they want to buy a home.

These young people are very fortunate.

I don't begrudge or resent them, and wish them well. I just wish WE had had the good fortune to be given money. No-one has ever given us anything. We had to find our own house deposit, AND pay for our own wedding, as we come from low income families, with not very well off parents.

Inheriting money IS lucky (I have just done so) - it just doesn't feel lucky.

I am fortunate in that I was gifted a property. I went on to buy my own but still have the original house as a rental. I do work hard though and saved for the deposit for my current property myself. I would never downplay the huge help it was to be though.

It is annoying, they should be gracious in their fortune rather than look down on others less fortunate than themselves. A lot of the time it is naivety that not everyone has parents who are financially able to support their adult children.

I have this a lot in my social circle and it drives me up the wall. I went to a private school, on a scholarship so was pretty hard up compared to my school friends, and I am often baffled that my school friends can't comprehend that not everyone has money! The majority were gifted brand new cars as teens and large deposits for houses now as young adults and often go on about all the lovely things they worked hard to achieve. Lovely things yes, they, however, did not work for them but they often forget this part.

Do people really say those things?

^This.

OP, you need a hobby

Please stop saying 'gifted'. Please.

Also wanted to add. Whilst no-one is 'lucky' to get an inheritance by losing their parents; they are still luckier than people who lose their parents and DON'T get an inheritance!

My DSD is 22 and is looking to buy a house with her boyfriend soon, they have both have actually worked really hard and they wont be getting any money from the 'bank of mum and dad' although I know people are already assuming they are.

IN some areas it would be literally impossible for a 22 year old and her boyfriend to be able to buy a house on their own if they weren't rockstars or something so it's obvious they are given a deposit.

Unless the boyfriend is actually 35.

I do think people can be quite snippy about others good fortune too though.

I haven;t had any inheritance, but I am one of those fortunate one who moved straight from my parent's home to my own house aged 23 (three decades ago). I was lucky to have good supportive parents who taught me how to work and to save, I was lucky to marry a steady man who whilst wasn't so keen to save worked very hard. I was lucky to be able to save whilst living at home (although I did pay some keep). I was lucky to buy a wreck of a house very cheaply.

I am well aware that my circumstances are/were better than many but I did work for it too, I did save when many peers were having holidays and cars and I did slave over the "cosmetic refurb" that's mentioned so snippily above.

However, I would never mention any of this except perhaps when being attacked by others who want to make the point that I am lucky

I had this with a smug 27 year old colleague a while ago. She bragged about her flat she was buying, her new car, her everything.

She looked down her nose at me who was renting a shared flat and struggling to save.

Then I found out she was living with her fiance at his parents home, rent free, food paid for, meals cooked including dinner and breakfast, a packed lunch made for her, her laundry done and beds made.

All she had to pay for was a bus fare to work and clothes. Both sets of parents also contributed massive amounts to the deposit and bought them the car.

Stuck up lazy little bitch to look down her nose at me.

where do parents (usually aged 55-60-ish) pull 50 grand from to hand to their adult children?
savings, remortgage, downsizing their own property, selling a buy-to-let they had for exactly that reason.

Even if you receive a bit of money to help, you still have to work hard and you also made a choice. Some people will spend £25k in a wedding, have luxury cars, luxury holidays... others save that for a deposit

It might be useful to appreciate why many people of the earlier generations (say those born around 1935 and after) bought their own homes. It was not for bragging rights or occupational mobility, but as an investment for their children. Subsequent generations have been, and are, reaping the benefits of those earlier unselfish investments and that is just what was intended. Unfortunately, some 'oldies' didn't invest (others did but 'blew' their investment along the way) with the result that their offspring etc have had no such benefit.
A 'have and have nots' situation was always going to arise, and rather than rub it in maybe some who get assistance don't like to advertise the fact.
Many years ago (1970's at a guess) this situation was forecast by a Labour MP, Joe Ashton, and he looked upon it as an inevitable but regrettable situation. I agreed with his forecast but not with his sentiments. Life is for us all to do the best we can for ourselves and our families and that should never be thought unfair imho.

We bought our first house with hell from parents and it's hard to know how to discuss it (only with people who want to know obvs!). We are honest about the help we had but we never want to rub anyone's nose in it because we know how lucky we are. We would never lie and say we did it on our own. And we certainly wouldn't look down on anyone renting because in today's economy it's SO difficult to get on the property ladder. I think if people are being smug then YANBU to find it very irritating.

Help not hell!

I have an acquaintance who frequently makes negative comments about the area I live in (on the edge of an ex-council estate but perfectly pleasant etc). Comments along the lines of how she would hate to have to bring her children up there etc and about how people who live there must be lazy/unmotivated etc etc to not want to live somewhere better.

She lives in a very big house in a 'naice' area of town. For a long time I assumed that she and her DH were high flying professionals/business owners etc. I recently found out that she has never worked (despite being nearly 30 when she had her DC) and her DH has a 9-5 relatively unskilled job in his dad's business. Their parents bought the house for them between them as a wedding present. Yet they still think they are somehow harder working that those of us working stupid hours to afford the mortgage on a modest home.

@Valentinesfart

They are not being given any money and her boyfriend is 24.

Also wanted to add. Whilst no-one is 'lucky' to get an inheritance by losing their parents; they are still luckier than people who lose their parents and DON'T get an inheritance!

It's not a nice thing to think about but we do all lose our parents eventually.

‘Gifted’ is an acceptable use of the verb.

No. It really isn't. It is 'given'.

Next time an entitled twat starts this crap smile sweetly and remind them "lucky people think they're clever, clever people know they're lucky".

I will be able to give my kids some financial help. They do take it for granted because their friends are often getting even more help. I'm doing my best to ensure that they realise how lucky they are and will certainly teach them not to rub other peoples noses in it.

People do tend to judge their own circumstances in comparison to the people they associate with - but they don't have to be dicks about others' circumstances if they aren't so lucky.

We are saving in order to either help our DS with University costs or for a deposit on a house. We feel it's a helpful thing for him if we can afford to.

It's not the same as when I bought and we had 100% mortgages on cheap 1-bed flats

No. It really isn't. It is 'given'.

Exactly right. Gifted isn't a fucking word. It drives me crazy on here. Along with invite instead of invitation.