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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be bit upset re how close friend asked for money back?

267 replies

Moneyissue2 · 27/02/2018 22:03

Debt one: From last August. Money lent for clothes for a certain type of event. Agreed I’d pay back £50 a month until full £245 covered.
I’ve only paid £150 of this back so far and know this is wrong.

Debt two: £250, friend lent bank card sometime during January when times were particularly tight just after Christmas. No limit on spending and no agreed time frame when to pay back but I had every intention of doing so as soon as I had been told how much I owed. On the 17th feb I was told the amount, £250 and intended to pay on pay day this month.

I spent almost 300 on friend for Christmas and about the same again on my immediate family so was a bit short during jan. Friend really wanted to go on a mini break to which I said no as I simply couldn’t afford it. Friend, for reasons I won’t go into really wanted to go it was a celebration of a major happening in his life. He insisted we went and that he would pay. (This is a story in itself, I really did say no numerous times and we even argued as I really, really didn’t want to go)

This expense included paying for my passport to which I agreed to pay back. This was a lot as was a same day turn around. Obviously my passport, my expense, but I did agree to paying more for something when what I would’ve done was simply waited until travel was completely necessary or when I could have afforded to renew. On this two night trip friend spent just under £100 on food and drink and even though he had insisted on paying for everything I did pay for an activity for myself that we did together which was just under a hundred. When I paid for this he did say are you sure you can afford it and I said yes but it will mean I can’t give you any of what I owe you this month.

Due to other business travel arrangements we have not seen or heard from each other a great deal recently and out of the blue I receive a message saying “please can you pay back the £250 bank card debt and £130 passport fee”.
To which I answered “no, actually, I can’t. Do you think I have a spare £380”?
His reply “it’s been two months, and you still haven’t paid last years debt”

AIBU to be hurt that he is making me out to be a terrible bad debt person when he only told me mid feb how much I owed on the bank card and it was only payday yesterday. He also knows how much I earn and that I cannot afford the bank debt and passport in the same month.

OP posts:
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/02/2018 22:05

This has got to be a reverse?

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/02/2018 22:06

Difficult. If it wasn’t for persuading you to go on holiday I’d say YABU but he shouldn’t have pushed you into those big expenses when he knew your position.

All you can do is work out how to pay him back ASAP and in future don’t borrow from him again.

Grumpyoldblonde · 27/02/2018 22:06

You are being every type of unreasonable.

kaytee87 · 27/02/2018 22:06

Yabvu!! Why did you not keep a note of what you were spending using his cards?
Why were you spending so much on Christmas presents when you still owe him money from last year?

He's not your personal atm.

doesthislookoddtoyou · 27/02/2018 22:06

AIBU to be hurt that he is making me out to be a terrible bad debt person when he only told me mid feb how much I owed on the bank card and it was only payday yesterday

are you for real? Pay your debts and stop taking the piss out of your friends.

dontticklethetoad · 27/02/2018 22:06

It must be??

Chattymummyhere · 27/02/2018 22:07

You are both bu you shouldn’t of accepted loans since you hadn’t paid the rest back and they shouldn’t of let you borrow More. However you owe it and should pay it all back ASAP. Nobody made you go away you could of refused even with an argument.

LovingLola · 27/02/2018 22:07

I would imagine he was concerned that payday came and went yesterday and he heard nothing from you about even attempting to start paying what you owe.
Can you pay him £50 this week. And then stick to the payment arrangements until it's all paid back. And then sort out your finances so that you are not borrowing money from anyone again.

Summercat · 27/02/2018 22:08

I'm not gonna lie, I really struggled to understand the original post. Confused

SisterMoonshine · 27/02/2018 22:10

You were waiting for him to tell you how much YOU spent?
Eh?

InDubiousBattle · 27/02/2018 22:10

YABU, you're not a child, how can he make you go in a mini break? 'I can't afford it. I already owe you money and don't feel comfortable taking any more'. Not that difficult!

AgnesBrownsCat · 27/02/2018 22:10

Ha you haven’t got any money and you spent £300 on a present for a friend . I’ve never spent anywhere near £300 on a present for my husband .
Pay your debts to your firmed and start living within your means . In fact when you repay the debt it might be an idea to start saving some of your paycheque so you don’t feel the need to borrow money again .

LeighaJ · 27/02/2018 22:11

If you'd just sent some small amounts to him then he probably wouldn't have gotten annoyed and asked for all of the money back at once.

You can't just pay for bills or debts owed to companies whenever you feel like without consequences, same goes for loans from friends and family.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/02/2018 22:11

You refused to pay back any money and then had the audacity to ask for more.
Fair enough we lend and borrow money. Nothing wrong with that.
However as pp says this has got to be a reverse of a piss take
.Also if you didn't try to act like big time McAlpine spending £300 on friends presents. You may not have found yourself in such a tight spot.

Grumpyoldblonde · 27/02/2018 22:12

300 on his Christmas present. Gosh it's baffling how your finances are so haphazard isn't it?

bittern79 · 27/02/2018 22:12

Why did you spend £300 on him at Xmas? Surely he’d have preferred you to pay him back?

Why didn’t you know how much you’d spent on his bank card? You should.

I have no idea why he forced you to go away with him. What a waste of money on a rush passport when you don’t have the cash!

All you can do is work out a payment plan - and stick to it!

Fourfantasticfrogs · 27/02/2018 22:12

YABVU. Sorry but why did you think it a good idea to spend close of £600 at Christmas on friend and family. How did you think you were going to cover your January expenses. Surely borrowing money for clothes was a warning sign that you need to tighten your belt.
Also how can you just spend on his credit card and not keep track of what you spent. You are being quite cheeky.

Sparklesocks · 27/02/2018 22:12

You have no money yet you’re borrowing for £245 clothes and £300 holidays??
Stop!!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/02/2018 22:12

£300 on a friends present. I don't even spend that on my dd.

DancesWithOtters · 27/02/2018 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ruffian · 27/02/2018 22:13

He lent you his bank card?? Shock

LanguidLobster · 27/02/2018 22:13

You're going to have to buckle down for a few months, no big spends, and communicate with him about how you're going to pay the money back

positivepixie · 27/02/2018 22:13

YABU. Debt one should have been cleared by now if you'd paid the agreed monthly amount. I'm surprised he lent you his bank card given you'd fallen behind with Debt One but either way, you should've known how much you'd spent without having to wait to be told! Passport fee is bonkers given your financial situation - but he knew that, so he is also BU in piling more debt on to debts he knows you can't manage.

Hissy · 27/02/2018 22:13

So in August you went to a what... wedding? Which you clearly couldn’t afford to attend, yet spunked almost £250 on an outfit?

Things were a little tight so you again borrowed over £200 (why could you not keep a note of what you’ve spent on someone else’s card? Did you exercise ANY restraint at all?

You spent £300 on Christmas? Wtaf? You owe someone about £500 and you piss £300 on Christmas?

This has to be a reverse, I can’t seriously believe anyone would be THIS much of a twat.

Qvar · 27/02/2018 22:13

You are sure joking? You cannot seriously think this is reasonable?

I have been ACTUALLY HOMELESS before and not owed this much money to a friend. Sort your fucking life out.