To be bit upset re how close friend asked for money back?

[Moneyissue2]

Debt one: From last August. Money lent for clothes for a certain type of event. Agreed I’d pay back £50 a month until full £245 covered.
I’ve only paid £150 of this back so far and know this is wrong.

Debt two: £250, friend lent bank card sometime during January when times were particularly tight just after Christmas. No limit on spending and no agreed time frame when to pay back but I had every intention of doing so as soon as I had been told how much I owed. On the 17th feb I was told the amount, £250 and intended to pay on pay day this month.

I spent almost 300 on friend for Christmas and about the same again on my immediate family so was a bit short during jan. Friend really wanted to go on a mini break to which I said no as I simply couldn’t afford it. Friend, for reasons I won’t go into really wanted to go it was a celebration of a major happening in his life. He insisted we went and that he would pay. (This is a story in itself, I really did say no numerous times and we even argued as I really, really didn’t want to go)

This expense included paying for my passport to which I agreed to pay back. This was a lot as was a same day turn around. Obviously my passport, my expense, but I did agree to paying more for something when what I would’ve done was simply waited until travel was completely necessary or when I could have afforded to renew. On this two night trip friend spent just under £100 on food and drink and even though he had insisted on paying for everything I did pay for an activity for myself that we did together which was just under a hundred. When I paid for this he did say are you sure you can afford it and I said yes but it will mean I can’t give you any of what I owe you this month.

Due to other business travel arrangements we have not seen or heard from each other a great deal recently and out of the blue I receive a message saying “please can you pay back the £250 bank card debt and £130 passport fee”.
To which I answered “no, actually, I can’t. Do you think I have a spare £380”?
His reply “it’s been two months, and you still haven’t paid last years debt”

AIBU to be hurt that he is making me out to be a terrible bad debt person when he only told me mid feb how much I owed on the bank card and it was only payday yesterday. He also knows how much I earn and that I cannot afford the bank debt and passport in the same month.

Yabu and CF to boot

I dont even spend 300 on my husband and I can afford it. You sound like my sister. So financially irresponsible. Spend, spend, spends on shite she doesn need then goes oh my rents due can I borrow money. Then goes oh I need food can I borrow money. Then borrows from peter to pay Paul. Gets wages, pays off debt then insyead of thinking "right moneys low due to payong debts, I will reign in the spending this month so I have enough for bills" she does the same thing again. Every.single.month! It's infuriating. Live within your means!

never a borrower or lender be
then you dont fall out with friends or family
now get on and pay it back

Hello, police. I took hundreds of pounds from someone. Please arrest him.

Yabu, you sound like you're terrible with your money! If you were budgeting (which sounds like you should have been since you needed to take out loans) you shouldnt have spent money on a £250 dress, £300 on a FRIEND for christmas. Op, it's so irresponsible.

I had a friend who i lent money too on the promise they'd pay it back when she got a job, she took over six months despite having a job for four of those months and living at home (where she bragged her parents charged her NO rent!) needless to say she's no longer a friend.

Oh that moves really fast. So many replies. Some of them a little unfriendly! Seems as if I am massively unreasonable then, well I did ask.

To answer a few questions, I’ve posted about him and our relationship under a different user name but nothing about money, I’m pretty sure.

I’ve never borrowed from a friend before and you’re right it’s horrible, I don’t feel good about it honestly.

The first debt happened when I didn’t owe anyone anything. £250 for two items for an event that would please him. Not trying to blame or wriggle out of anything I promise. My debt 100% and it’s wrong I didn’t keep up the repayments. (There were reasons but makes no difference, I should have paid I know) I owe £100 from this debt.

Almost £300 was too much to spend but we had a terrible year last year and I wanted to make it special. I only owed £100 at this time.

During January I had an unexpected cost of £150 which again I know is my fault, if I hadn’t have over spent I would have had this to pay it. I didn’t, he lent me a card and told me to get what I needed. I used it for food during the month as was lots of trips to food shops rather thAn one big spend I didn’t keep track, accept this was my mistake. I asked him to tell me how much I owed as know he uses online banking and he can check easily for me.

The “mini break” really has a huge back story but I can’t go into details as could be very outing. I honestly did not want to go. I felt guilty going. I honestly was doing him a big favour by going with him.

I’m upset he’s thrown the money spent on the trip in my face when I would’ve preferred not to go. I’m also upset because I spent all that money on him at Christmas and would never throw that back at him. After this I did, to which he then mentioned previous expensive gifts. The whole thing is a nasty mess now and we can’t be friends after this. I have paid the £250 and will pay him the remaining £230 next month

When I paid for this he did say are you sure you can afford it and I said yes but it will mean I can’t give you any of what I owe you this month.

Yabu - this tells me you have no clue about money, you could never afford this in the first place as you are already in debt

my partner is similarly blind - struggling to pay the mortgage and he'll say 'shall we have roast beef this Sunday?' and mean it.

Update doesn't make it any better. You're still so far in the wrong. And I don't buy being forced to go on mini breaks with people when you really didn't want to, nobody is that wet.

If it was pay day yesterday how come you haven’t paid anything back yet? That should be number 1.

I am sure if the op was being pressurised into having sex with her friend because she didn't repay the money she owes him, that she would have put that in her post as well.

I feel like there's a lot more to this story and bizarre relationship that you are letting on OP.

You spent money on an outfit you couldn't afford to please this person? They then made you feel like you couldn't turn down a trip abroad and lent you their debit card.

I think it sounds like this person enjoys you relying on them, in which case that's a dangerous situation to be in.

Wait, is this an actual friend or a ‘friend’ who’s more like a relationship? Cause then this trip and bank card loan etc would make more sense.

I have loaned my dp money. We set a time frame, it hasn’t been paid back yet but I know it will because I know he’s not using me. Sounds like this ‘friend’ has started feeling used -and with good reason

This is definitely starting to sound like an abusive, manipulative relationship of some kind. Those of you kicking OP, think about it this way: if your friend owed you money, would you really put pressure on her to let you lend her more? If so, why? Would you insist she went on holiday with you and be a bit vague about how much of the cost was a loan and how much a gift (bearing in mind that she already owes you money) and then suddenly turn nasty?

Well, life's full of hard lessons Money and like the rest of us, you'll learn from this one!
I'm glad you're paying what you owe, and maybe once you do, you can tell him you're sorry about it all....then start again!

You need to learn how to budget.
What is your income?
Your necessary outgoings? Ie rent, bills, food, transport etc
Work out how much you can afford to pay back to your friend now, then on a weekly basis without going into debt again.
When you’ve paid back what you owe you can then work out realistically what money you can afford for Luxuries like holidays, Christmas presents etc

Apparently people can be this stupid

Even taking holiday out of the equation from what you wrote, it sounds like you've taken advantage and your friend has had enough. I'd be embarrassed rather than upset at friend.

Clothes that would please him and not being able to get him to hear 'No'. I'm with SGB here.

What’s this really about?

I’m curious what made you post and what it is that you need -validation, empathy, to feel you were wronged etc.

Yeah, what do you want from people?

Give him back his money and stop taking people’s bank cards, is my advice!

I think it's probably a good thing that this friendship fades now.

Time to work on your boundaries, OP. If you don't want to go on a mini break, you don't go. You're not doing someone a kindness doing something basically against your will.

I'm a bit concerned about the relationship you have with this "friend".

You spent close to £250 on 2 items of clothing "to please him".

You spent £300 on a gift for him at Christmas because "we had a terrible year last year".

You went on a mini-break you couldn't afford despite saying No multiple times.

The "friend" lent you their cash card (illegal, fraudulent) and you accepted this. Why?

The friend is not wrong to ask to be repaid. And the manner of asking is not really the problem - you owe money, you commit to paying it off, even if that means £20 one month instead of £200. You need to get a handle on your budgeting pronto. You spent money you didn't have and that meant you couldn't buy food. That is very bad indeed.

BUT ... this relationship sounds all sorts of unhealthy. If you're not sleeping with them it sure sounds like it. And if you are sleeping with them and it's a relationship of over a year's standing, why don't you refer to them as DP/BF/GF etc?

Examine your relationship. Pay your debts. Sort out your budget.

I can't decide if you wanted to spend £300 on a gift or felt guilted in to it?

Can you sell the dress?

Did he buy you a gift of equal value that you could also sell?

Still a CF sounds as if he wanted more from this friendship any other person would have declined to go away. I know a lass who allowed a lad to pay for a trip to New York completely free lead him on and told him she wasn’t interested. I mean really who does that!