To be bit upset re how close friend asked for money back?

[Moneyissue2]

Debt one: From last August. Money lent for clothes for a certain type of event. Agreed I’d pay back £50 a month until full £245 covered.
I’ve only paid £150 of this back so far and know this is wrong.

Debt two: £250, friend lent bank card sometime during January when times were particularly tight just after Christmas. No limit on spending and no agreed time frame when to pay back but I had every intention of doing so as soon as I had been told how much I owed. On the 17th feb I was told the amount, £250 and intended to pay on pay day this month.

I spent almost 300 on friend for Christmas and about the same again on my immediate family so was a bit short during jan. Friend really wanted to go on a mini break to which I said no as I simply couldn’t afford it. Friend, for reasons I won’t go into really wanted to go it was a celebration of a major happening in his life. He insisted we went and that he would pay. (This is a story in itself, I really did say no numerous times and we even argued as I really, really didn’t want to go)

This expense included paying for my passport to which I agreed to pay back. This was a lot as was a same day turn around. Obviously my passport, my expense, but I did agree to paying more for something when what I would’ve done was simply waited until travel was completely necessary or when I could have afforded to renew. On this two night trip friend spent just under £100 on food and drink and even though he had insisted on paying for everything I did pay for an activity for myself that we did together which was just under a hundred. When I paid for this he did say are you sure you can afford it and I said yes but it will mean I can’t give you any of what I owe you this month.

Due to other business travel arrangements we have not seen or heard from each other a great deal recently and out of the blue I receive a message saying “please can you pay back the £250 bank card debt and £130 passport fee”.
To which I answered “no, actually, I can’t. Do you think I have a spare £380”?
His reply “it’s been two months, and you still haven’t paid last years debt”

AIBU to be hurt that he is making me out to be a terrible bad debt person when he only told me mid feb how much I owed on the bank card and it was only payday yesterday. He also knows how much I earn and that I cannot afford the bank debt and passport in the same month.

Why did you spend £300 on friend at Christmas, why didn't you pay back the original debt? £300 is an obscene amount of money to spend on a friend especially when you couldn't afford it.

Op could be lonely though and trying to buy friendship. You don't get any better thought of whether you spend £3 or £300

I’m sorry, but I agree with @kaytee87 - you should not have been spending £600 on Christmas presents when you still owed your friend money. Especially as this meant you were so short of money in January that you had to borrow more.

And then going on holiday? Beyond unreasonable.

You need to learn how to budget properly, and how to decide what are necessities (rent/mortgage, utility bills, food, transport to work, and debt repayments) and what are luxuries (holidays, expensive gifts) - and how you must take care of the necessities before spending money on luxuries.

Shockingly most people live within their means or say no to things they can't afford.

What event was is that needed £250 of clothes.

You are so very, very wrong.

I'm in a similar situation to your friend at the moment (lending money and getting the piss taken out of me) and I admire him being so forthright.

Pay your debt.

Urgh I hate owing money just get it paid back

I think you're both being unreasonable.

You should absolutely have paid back debt one by now - that's a long time to owe that much money.

I'm also astonished that you spent over £300 on Christmas presents when you owed hundreds of pounds to your friend.

On the other hand, your friend shouldn't have pressured you to go on holiday. It's also not very fair of them to abruptly call in a debt which they had previously not put a limit on.

You need to agree a repayment plan with your friend based on what you can afford, and don't borrow any more money while you are repaying it. Stick to it religiously so your friend knows you are trustworthy once more.

It sounds like you need to get your finances in order more generally. It's very unusual (and unsustainable) to be borrowing large amounts from friends, especially as you are working. It sounds like you need to budget more effectively going forward.

But to be fair... the biggest tear on earth is the twat that would lend money to someone this fucking stupid.

Twat not tear.

Stop borrowing money. Pay back what you own and dont buy £300 xmas presents.

Stop ‘intending to pay it back’ and start paying it back! Instead of handing it to friend in cash, set up a direct debit/standing order for £50 or £100 per month . You then won’t have to physically hand the money over but it will go out automatically. Get his bank details, ring your bank up (or go online), and hey presto, all sorted.

I was also surprised by a £300 spend on a friend. More than I spend on my children!

Sorry Sumercat, I did go on a bit and it’s terribly long winded. There’s even more but felt it was too much to include in first post!

Not a reverse unfortunately!

What I’m particularly upset about is him now saying I paid for all your expenses and I’m not asking for those back, when, well, yes, obviously that’s why I said no lots of times to the mini trip I’m the first place. What’s the point of doing that then throwing it back in my face and acting like he was doing me a huge favour. It was lovely of him to do don’t get me wrong but my preference was NOT to go, I made this very clear.

Agree with madmax

Sorry why did you spend £300 on his Christmas present? That's the most confusing bit of this whole saga

What about all the other money you owe OP where he WAS doing you a big favour??

This is crazy! WHYYYYYYY would you ever spend that much on clothes and presents when you’re skint?!

You have some really disordered spending habits and attitudes to money.

You’re so very in the wrong about this.

Pay your friend back. Apologise.

Make a budget and stick to it.

He was doing you a huge favour.

You should have said no, and meant it, because you couldn't afford it.

YES YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE, GET A PAYDAY LOAN, PAY BACK YOUR FRIEND.

You are living way beyond your means!! Yabu

"You are being every type of unreasonable"

Yep! £625 total and you've only paid back £150!!

1 what the hell required clothes costing £245?? Not necessary - you can't afford something that's a luxury you CERTAINLY don't spend excessively on it! Geez there are many women have spent a lot less on their wedding dresses!

2 - you spent £300 on friend for Christmas then borrowed £250 because Jan was tight - again - if you don't have it you don't spend it.

3 - the trip - however much he "insisted" you're an adult - say no!

Apologise to friend

Sit and do a budget ASAP and work out what you CAN afford to repay (and maximise that by doing without luxuries until the debt is paid) and let him know and STICK TO THIS no excuses.

Stop spending money you DON'T HAVE on luxuries you DON'T NEED!

Why did you need £250 for clothes? what event could possibly need that? I've never spent that on an outfit despite having attended weddings, ascot, black tie dinners etc...

You’re friend is probably infuriated that you haven’t paid him back and being spiteful in how he is handling it.

This is a mess of your owe making.