To be bit upset re how close friend asked for money back?

[Moneyissue2]

Debt one: From last August. Money lent for clothes for a certain type of event. Agreed I’d pay back £50 a month until full £245 covered.
I’ve only paid £150 of this back so far and know this is wrong.

Debt two: £250, friend lent bank card sometime during January when times were particularly tight just after Christmas. No limit on spending and no agreed time frame when to pay back but I had every intention of doing so as soon as I had been told how much I owed. On the 17th feb I was told the amount, £250 and intended to pay on pay day this month.

I spent almost 300 on friend for Christmas and about the same again on my immediate family so was a bit short during jan. Friend really wanted to go on a mini break to which I said no as I simply couldn’t afford it. Friend, for reasons I won’t go into really wanted to go it was a celebration of a major happening in his life. He insisted we went and that he would pay. (This is a story in itself, I really did say no numerous times and we even argued as I really, really didn’t want to go)

This expense included paying for my passport to which I agreed to pay back. This was a lot as was a same day turn around. Obviously my passport, my expense, but I did agree to paying more for something when what I would’ve done was simply waited until travel was completely necessary or when I could have afforded to renew. On this two night trip friend spent just under £100 on food and drink and even though he had insisted on paying for everything I did pay for an activity for myself that we did together which was just under a hundred. When I paid for this he did say are you sure you can afford it and I said yes but it will mean I can’t give you any of what I owe you this month.

Due to other business travel arrangements we have not seen or heard from each other a great deal recently and out of the blue I receive a message saying “please can you pay back the £250 bank card debt and £130 passport fee”.
To which I answered “no, actually, I can’t. Do you think I have a spare £380”?
His reply “it’s been two months, and you still haven’t paid last years debt”

AIBU to be hurt that he is making me out to be a terrible bad debt person when he only told me mid feb how much I owed on the bank card and it was only payday yesterday. He also knows how much I earn and that I cannot afford the bank debt and passport in the same month.

Forget about the holiday. Stop using that as an excuse in your own head. Have you actually paid him anything since you got his message?

but my preference was NOT to go, I made this very clear

No you didn't, since you went. When I don't want to go somewhere, and can't afford to, I don't go. You might want to try it.

I imagine your friend is also 'a bit upset'.
You've borrowed, spent foolishly, borrowed more and been rude when he asks for repayment.

A decent friend would have repaid the original debt, not overspent at Christmas, declined the trip, kept tabs on the credit card spend, made. Repayment on payday and apologised on receipt of that message and offered a realistic payment plan that demonstrates that you see the debts as higher priority over everything else (bar rent/mortgage, council tax, utilities, travel to work costs and £20 per week for food).

I think you've posted before about this friend? It rings bells.

No worries @moneymatters2.

I get it a bit more now.

Can't add anything else though, except to echo what others have said, that you need to reign in the squandering on stuff you don't need, or could get cheaper.

And I am confused as to why you spent £300 on your friend's Christmas present!

I think you are talking pish!

YABVU and a total CF.
Sort yourself out and pay your debts for fucks sake 🙄

Why on Earth were you spending 300 per pop on Presents for Christmas? when you clearly have barely a pot to piss in.

Yabu

Just pay him back and stop living beyond your means

You spent £300 on him for Christmas?! Are you quite mad??

I agree with PP saying you are BOTH being unreasonable. What on earth is going on here? He really shouldnt be throwing all this money about and you shouldnt be accepting it. Its really unhealthy and no wonder you have ended up having some sort of disagreement. You cant run a friendship like this.

Do not get a payday loan!

If you are such great friends why couldn't you just say no to many mini break??

In your OP you said you intended to pay back the £250 card debt back on payday. So pay that back now you have been paid.

Then sit down and work out a payment schedule for the remaining sums with an aim to clear it in the next three months and set this up as a regular payment from your account to your friend on payday.

Lastly, stop borrowing and then wasting money frivolities and don't go on holidays that you cannot afford.

Am struggling to believe this one!

If you spent on someone else's card, you should have known how much you spent without being told.

Why have you not paid back the money you still owe from last year?

Why did you spend £300 on a Christmas present and £600 in total when you still owed friend £100?

I can totally understand why they are not happy.

Totally and utterly unreasonable in every respect.

In your position I would take out a credit card or overdraft and pay back the full amount to your friend. I sadly have quite a few debts but have never owed money to a friend or family member in my life - would hate this.

As PPs have said, your spending is out of control and you need to get a grip of it quickly now.

What is this 'friend' to you??

If you hadn't spent £300 on his Xmas present, and £130 to go away with him at his insistence, you wouldn't owe him anything at all.

Full of excuses, aren’t you OP?

This is your fault and your responsibility. Stop blaming your friend for allowing you to take advantage of him. You don’t sound like a very good friend. Turn this around, pay back as quickly as you can and without him having to chase you. Never, ever do this again.

And I'd ditch the 'friendship'.

You spent £300 on him for Christmas?when you still owed him money?

You need to learn to budget and control your spending because you are going to get yourself into a massive mess otherwise

I don't spend anywhere near £300 on Christmas presents and Christmas food.
You didn't "need " any of these purchases, you "wanted " them.
Don't be surprised when your friend gets solicitors or the small claims court involved.

Yabvu. I really hate it when people borrow money, don’t pay back and then get pissed off when the person who loaned it quite rightly asks for it back.

This has happened to me recently. Helped my DB out with £300 in August and have just had to ask for it back as it was my savings for mat leave. He now has the hump.

I’m worried about paying my bills whilst he’s going to fancy restaurants and clubs not even mentioning paying me back. It’s so selfish OP. It’s not nice to put your friends in the position where they are basically having to beg for their own money.

The point he is making is he treated you well and you're treating him like shit!

Quit whining apologise and pay him back.

Give him a big chunk now while you've got it and commit to when you'll pay back the rest.

I would suggest the MSE wannabe debt free boards and some back to basics budgetting. No more spunking hundreds of pounds you don't have on anything, including gifts and trips you don't want to go on. If you ain't got it, you ain't got it.

nah - this must a wind up. No one can be this blind to what they are doing in real life and wonder if THEY were being unreasonable.

I understand pps being disbelieving - sadly I know people like this in real life.