OP stop blaming everyone else for misconstruing things. Look back through what you have actually said. You have said I didn't judge her and For all of you who think I am slagging off my Nephew's mum - the truth is you ARE judging her and you ARE slagging her off. Look at the things you have said about her - all of them completely irrelevant to the question as to whether you should send your nephew a card/gift, and many of them based on no evidence whatsoever.
she doesn't work and from I can see neither does the husband. I suspect she is also claiming single parent benefits because she has never changed her name or disclosed that he lives at her address
I have no ill feeling towards the girl at all but she was asking an awful lot of questions about my brother's financial situation and whether he still owned a property
Once she got the insurance payout her and her husband and the rest of the family went about 3 holidays last year
She must be extremely bitter
She isn't the saint some of you are making her out to be
the insurance money has been spent on holidays. I just feel that money should have been put in a fund for the benefit of the boy when he gets older
she was messaging me constantly chasing me for the payout
I could put this all to the test and send her another message offering to pay say £100 into her bank account or set up a monthly direct debit and I bet she would come back to me quick enough
I may well be unfairly judging my Nephew's mum but it does stick in the throat a wee bit that she has hardly ever worked in her entire life but can afford three holidays a year, various weekends away and lots of meals out
She wasn't working prior to having children or was only very briefly employed
I really do believe she was being grabby
I'm probably just jealous because she doesn't have to work and has a good lifestyle. I go quite a few holidays as well but work very hard for my money
people who cheat the benefit system? I suspect that is happening here
They are YOUR words. How can you read through those and think that you aren't judging her or slagging her off? All you actually know about your nephew's mother is that she raised him for 14 years with minimal input from his father (either financially or emotionally) and no input from his father's family (who could have stepped up and had their own relationship with their nephew/grandson if they had wished). You have no contact with her, no relationship with her, no real knowledge of what her life is like now, and yet you are choosing to judge her, to assume the worst about her and to slag her off.
You also say I didn't hold a grudge by the way yet you cite these incidents from back when you did know her:
her and her mother were slagging me off
She was meant to come to see us and bring the baby and I had offered to babysit for a while so that her and my brother could go and have some lunch in peace but she called off at the last minute after I had arranged to take time off work
She got very drunk and was vile to me
Again none of these are even slightly relevant to whether you should send your nephew a card/present or not. And they don't half sound like holding a grudge.
Honestly OP read through what you have said and think about your attitude towards your nephew's mum.