To feel uncomfortable with SIL not vaccinating nephew

[CambozolaCrackers]

Have name changed for obvious reasons.....would appreciate some guidance on how to broach an awkward family situation going forward.

B and SIL have decided not to vaccinate their son (8 months).
My DS is 5 months and has been vaccinated.

Today we met up for swim class which both babies attend weekly.

I was concerned to see my DS had angry red rash across torso and brought him to a&e after the class to get checked out.

In short, I’ve been told it is a ‘viral exanthem’ rash, no meds prescribed - just one of those things that happen, and not to worry.

I’ve told my BIL and SIL what I’ve been told by the doctor. My worry is that at some point we are going to pass on something and put my nephew’s health at risk...or that my nephew will catch something dreadful that he has not been vaccinated against.

The anti vaxxer argument is not something that sits comfortably with me, but equally it’s very difficult to criticise other people’s parenting decisions - especially when it is family.

Any advice on how to best protect our kids going forward.

Blue I hope that wasn’t directed at me there was no vitriol or labelling anyone as morons or criminals in my statement.

Tessermee why would you think it’s aimedat you when you didn’t say those Things?

Blue - because your last line sounded almost the same as my last post

My mistake

Tessermee I didn’t see your post until after I had posted. I type slowly and my phone is slow to post

Can people please not act as though Mumps is not a serious illness??? It can cause infertility. It is not just having a thick neck and a fever. yes, in adulthood, by which time the childhood vaccination has warn off and men are most likely to contract it because they are no longer immune.

Okey doke. I’ll pipe down now

The op has started a great goady thread and not returned.

Yes, exactly chaos

The current system is very strange and nonsensical.

Dolphin, I am with those PPs who acknowledge the risk. There are risks, I believe, but I also believe that they are very low. Why would the NHS recommend them otherwise?

The whole point about everyone getting the MMR as children, and with some adults then needing further vaccinations as adults, is that diseases such as rubella are kept to a minimum in terms of prevalence. Which means that immuno-compromised people are less at risk of contracting something which could have been prevented.

I am dreading reading about the next measles outbreak- it’s coming and it’s very scary for those who cannot be vaccinated.

Terfinater yes they do wear off. But the thing is that we are only just reaching that point and now we are likely going to face epidemics of mumps in young men as well as disabilities related to rubella in pregnancy

As I said I'm rusty, but if this is the case i can't see why the baby in this scenario poses any more risk than any adult? How many adults get the mmr? If not why not?

If this was an issue for me now I think I would have a blood test done to see if it was even necessary.

The NHS recommends them as a cost saving exercise. However, what may be best for the country as a whole is not necessarily the best for children as individuals.

Rubella is a very mild disease and is only dangerous to unborn foetuses.

My DCs had single dose vaccines when young, and now that they are much older, they've had the MMR.

DCs were born during the controversy, and while I wanted them vaccinated, I was being cautious. Not because of the autism, but because there were reports of bowels problems as well. Both of my parents come from families with a variety of bowel issues, indeed my mum has one condition. I wanted to avoid triggering bowel issues in the DCs. As it happens, DS did have bowel issues, which he is now largely grown out of, but I wasn't going to take the risk that it could have been worse. He's now had the MMR and is okay; this could be due to his gut having matured.

I'm certainly on the side of vaccination, otherwise I wouldn't have spent the money on the single doses.

Bluedoglead if you had bothered to read the posts properly you would have read that people who can vaccinate their children safely should do so to protect children like yours who can’t be.

Please calm down and stop being so angry, and don’t be selective about what has been posted on this thread. Most posters agree that vaccination to provide herd immunity is the way forward to protect vulnerable children like yours. Please take the trouble to read the sensible posts as well

“Corblimey because vaccinations are not risk free.”

Neither are the illnesses that the vaccinations protect from Dolphincrossing. It’s all about benefits and risk isn’t it? For example I would far rather have DD vaccinated against meningitis than risk her catching it in the first place.

Lonicera that’s really not what was said by some on this thread. Please don’t gaslight me it’s rude. There were some posters who launched into complete vitriol and never said “excepting those who can’t vaccinate”

Quite. And I would agree meningitis is a vaccination I would want DC to have.

That doesn’t mean all vaccinations are necessary.

Can anyone explain why there is such strong feeling to unvaccinated children but no concern about adults who's vaccine has worn off? How does this fit in with herd immunity?

@Youngmystery

Autism is widely known by mainstream scientists to be caused by both genetic and environmental factors. Something which the anti-mmrs have been preaching for decades.
There is no big pharma conspiracy theory that I know of, only the logic that they have a financial interest in 1) people taking it & 2) it not being one of the causes of a disability that effects millions. Imagine the compensation they’d have to pay.
Now, there have been court proceedings in the US where parents have sued pharma citing that the MMR has caused their child’s autism- and won. However, in these cases the children had received numerous tests before and after that showed this result. I’d never preach to anyone to vaccinate or not vaccinate their child. But what bothers me about this argument is the minimising of Autism. To have to watch your child become very ill very quickly and just completely withdraw infront of your eyes is awful. To have to watch your one year old lose their speech, their ability to point, lose complete interest in their surroundings. My one year old was as close to NT as you could get before he got ill & it’s heartbreaking to watch him struggle everyday.

Bluedoglead no one expects parents with immunocomprimised children to vaccinate. Calm your farm and maybe look up the definition of gaslighting-it really doesn't occur on internet foroums.

In Germany they offer the chicken pox vaccine to children aged 9-13 who have not had the illness. I think that's quite a sensible approach and probably we'll go for that. DS is 9 and has never had it. He won't be pleased, but hey ho.

The R in the MMR is there for herd immunity to protect pregnant women, as adults do not have boosters under the NHS immunisation scheme. This is because children are more likely to catch and/or pass on diseases, and not because adults can't catch them or are somehow immune for life.

OP I wouldn't worry about your nephew - he's not likely to pass anything to your child, because your child is vaccinated. And his parents are not worried that others will pass anything on to him, so it's not really your worry to take on, either.

Dolphincrossing you are tested for rubella antibodies in pregnancy in case a booster is needed and certainly I had retained my immunity at the age of 32.

Calm my farm?

I can read. I can see what was written. Many have whaled in without qualifying their statements and those statements are rude towards parents like me.

I've seen vaccination threads come up now and again, and I definitely recall that in the last few years there was a post on one thread where the poster said she knew or had come across a mother who wanted everyone vaccinated, no exceptions, and refused to accept that for a few people vaccination wasn't a good idea.

I do agree there may be an issue for adults whose vaccination protection has worn off. We don't routinely test people's immunity levels, although I was given the MMR during pregancy as my Rubella vaccination had worn off. But other than pregnancy, when do adults get tested?

I totally understand your apprehension YANBU.

I'm 7 weeks pregnant and found out today that I've been sitting beside someone in my work who has mumps 🤬🤬 she is of the age where the whole vaccines cause autism argument was at its highest so I don't think she's been vaccinated. I've been so anxious ever since cause I read that getting mumps in the first trimester can increase your risk of miscarriage.