To feel uncomfortable with SIL not vaccinating nephew

[CambozolaCrackers]

Have name changed for obvious reasons.....would appreciate some guidance on how to broach an awkward family situation going forward.

B and SIL have decided not to vaccinate their son (8 months).
My DS is 5 months and has been vaccinated.

Today we met up for swim class which both babies attend weekly.

I was concerned to see my DS had angry red rash across torso and brought him to a&e after the class to get checked out.

In short, I’ve been told it is a ‘viral exanthem’ rash, no meds prescribed - just one of those things that happen, and not to worry.

I’ve told my BIL and SIL what I’ve been told by the doctor. My worry is that at some point we are going to pass on something and put my nephew’s health at risk...or that my nephew will catch something dreadful that he has not been vaccinated against.

The anti vaxxer argument is not something that sits comfortably with me, but equally it’s very difficult to criticise other people’s parenting decisions - especially when it is family.

Any advice on how to best protect our kids going forward.

Well, if they don't want to share it, that's fair enough. If they make the decision for sound medical reasons, no one will have a problem with that. And it's no one's business.

If, on they other hand, they think that homeopathy will cure measles, or waving their hands in front of someone is a better way to prevent mumps, or they still believe widely debunked pseudo science, then frankly, they are fucking idiots.

A woman I know doesn't vaccinate, maintains it is the absolute root cause of Autism, prattles on about how it's Big Pharma cashing in. After many, many 'discussions' I've learned to keep my mouth firmly closed. She will never convince me otherwise, I doubt I'll ever convince her that my view is right and there can be no compromise so we just don't talk about it.

If parents decide to not vaccinate, although I'm firmly of the belief that it's a 'good' thing, it's not my place to pick a fight with them. I can't imagine any parents would refuse to vaccinate without having done at least a little research so it really is their choice and their beliefs that are central to their choice.

Throwcushions and fallenblossoms - I'd tell you I didn't vaccinate my kids just to avoid seeing people like you, that's how strongly I feel with people passing ridiculous blanket judgments on others....

There could be valid reasons, why not simply have a chat and find out, without judging? Vaccines are not compulsory. Maybe that says something. I agree that research should be done before deciding not to vaccinate and every situation and vaccine is different.

Blue, the whole point about people who create public health risks by CHOOSING not to have their children vaccinated is the increased risk for your child who cannot have vaccines. The 2 are entirely different scenarios, no-one with any sense is suggesting that your child presents a risk.

I posted this on here the other day.

My child will not have the MMR because two of those are not needed (the second M, and R.)

Not having vaccinations that aren’t necessary don’t make people “fucking idiots”,the opposite, in fact

I understand that. But no one knows why a child isn’t vaccinated. They might have a “good”reason. How would the op feel then?

Vaccinations are NOT compulsory. Parents have the right to make that decision. No one else.

Lots of things are not compulsory. We don't live in a totalitarian regime. That does not mean that all choices are equally valid.

But of course, they don’t mean me, because my reasons pass the test.

There is a huge difference between a choice to not vaccinate because of valid medical risks and a choice to not vaccinate because you choose to believe made-up nonsense despite access available medical professionals who could give you accurate info.

People make their own moral choices, but we owe a certain level of basic care to our kids and certain level of responsibility to other people.

They might have good reason and not want to share it with.

This might be true, if it is we are all wrong. If the situation is as the OP describes, though, then they are making a choice that puts your kid at risk.

Firstly, a vaccination does not equal 100% protection - not even close, and will possibly wear off after time too.

Secondly, some vaccines are live and may shed to those around, making your child the risky one...

Thirdly, the benefits may indeed outweigh the risks but no one can 100% promise that there will be no detrimental effects from any drug/medication.

as somebody who has severe scaring from chicken pox i can assure you, it can get nasty. not deadly nasty

Tell that to the family who lost their Toddler from it in 2017.

As a rule, chicken pox is a very mild childhood disease.

If you have a valid medical reason for not vaccinating, I cannot argue with that. It is a personal choice, and I respect it.

However, a lot of people do not have a valid reason. They have a 'feeling', or a search engine, or a lack of understanding of herd immunity.
Or maybe they have an understanding about herd immunity, but simply don't give a toss about other people.

Oh, right, Dad,so one of our existing children has to cop it before we are ‘allowed’ not to give it to the next one, is that right?

Er, fuck that.

Oblada, that's not the question asked. The OP is written on the basis that this is a choice and not done out of medical necessity. Hope that makes my position clear.

Why would there be an awkward situation?

For whatever reasons they have choosen not to vaccinate, that doesn't mean you have to change your behaviour or even mention the subject.

No, not at all.

I don't know how to put it in a simpler fashion. No one is condemning people who have a valid reason for not vaccinating for not doing it.

I presume you have. It's therefore no one's business why you do what you do. Or don't do.

My valid reason is that I won’t vaccinate my child when it’s not in their best interests.

And I don’t know how to put that in a simpler fashion.

OP, really tricky. I have the same issue with my DB and DSIL. They are idiots who don’t understand how to check facts or think for themselves. Heavily into a US evangelical scene which happen to be strongly aligned with the anti vaccine movement.

I have tried to have a discussion, I have repeatedly asked why NHS staff would be in on a massive conspiracy to make our children more ill instead of less ill, I have questioned why the NHS would pay pharmaceutical companies to create more health problems. The only answers are that “doctors are a product of their training” . It’s insulting and dangerous, but they have made up their mind.

We only see each other occasionally, we are not close and agree to disagree. They know my feelings- my children are vaccinated.

I don’t think there is much you can do, OP, except maybe keep asking questions, keep trying to get them to think more broadly, and maybe they will one day see sense.

Sorry OP

Bluedoglead, if you were advised against vaccinations then that was absolutely the right decision for your child. A population has 'herd immunity' when over 95% of individuals are vaccinated. This is where there are too few 'hosts' for the disease to spread, so it doesn't pass around even through the unvaccinated population. There will be a certain number of people who can't be safely vaccinated for a variety of reasons, such as a depressed immune system, an allergy, or whatever. There will be be another group of people who get the jabs but don't develop immunity for some reason. But these groups of people amount to a very small percentage of the population and will be protected from disease if every body else gets vaccinated. It's the people who choose against it based on usually rather flaky notions who bring down the number of vaccinated children and put everyone at risk.

Fair enough. I am sure you have a valid reason.

And if you don't, people will judge you for it. But I suspect that you won't care.

Reiki, anyone?

Also. Why is it only SIL getting it in the neck from the OP. Isn’t her brother part of the decision?

How is it not in their best interests, Dolphin?

I'm not so sure I'd regard chicken pox as minor, although that may be the case when children have it.

I caught chicken pox when I was 37. I was very ill and it took several weeks before I fully recovered. For a few years afterwards, I had repeated attacks of shingles and now get post-herpetic neuralgia, which is incredibly painful. I seem to get a bad attack after any illness apart from a cold and after surgery.

If vaccinations had been available when I was a child, I might not have had to endure this.

Good point Bluedog

it's always the mother's fault.

LakieLady, yes chicken pox is far more serious as an adult. You poor thing. That is why people try to ensure that their children catch it young. Not sure I'd bother to vaccinate against chicken pox as I would be ok with my children catching it.

Corblimey because vaccinations are not risk free.

Ergo, having a vaccination that doesn’t benefit them is risky and it’s not a risk I’m prepared to take.