To feel uncomfortable with SIL not vaccinating nephew

[CambozolaCrackers]

Have name changed for obvious reasons.....would appreciate some guidance on how to broach an awkward family situation going forward.

B and SIL have decided not to vaccinate their son (8 months).
My DS is 5 months and has been vaccinated.

Today we met up for swim class which both babies attend weekly.

I was concerned to see my DS had angry red rash across torso and brought him to a&e after the class to get checked out.

In short, I’ve been told it is a ‘viral exanthem’ rash, no meds prescribed - just one of those things that happen, and not to worry.

I’ve told my BIL and SIL what I’ve been told by the doctor. My worry is that at some point we are going to pass on something and put my nephew’s health at risk...or that my nephew will catch something dreadful that he has not been vaccinated against.

The anti vaxxer argument is not something that sits comfortably with me, but equally it’s very difficult to criticise other people’s parenting decisions - especially when it is family.

Any advice on how to best protect our kids going forward.

Dull - see, I think people like that are fucking idiots

Bluedoglead, I don't understand your responses. People have told you time and time again that it's not your decision to not vaccinate, on sound medical advice, they take issue with. It's the decisions of those who haven't had that advice, whose children don't have conditions incompatible with safe vaccination, but who decide to not vaccinate on the strength of unsound 'research' from dodgy sources and emotive conspiracy theories.

On chicken pox - my older two (boys) caught it as young children and were fine, they weren't even particularly ill, but I still decided to give my dd the MMRV. Partly because I had a scare over immunity in my first pregnancy (I know I had definitely had it but on one test insufficient antibodies showed up) and I didn't want that happening to her one day.

I'm pro-vax but not uncritical of all vaccines. I will be looking into getting my two mumps boosters in their early teens, and I believe we may well see MenB boosters introduced into the vaccine schedule eventually. My middle one had single measles and then MMR later than the schedule where I am advises, and I turned down the rotavirus vaccine, but had all the dc done against MenB privately. I don't see anything wrong with taking a critical look at individual vaccines (on the basis of the actual science) and making decisions accordingly. But I think there's a lot wrong with making a decision with the potential impact that not vaccinating has without questioning the agenda of the side you feel more drawn to (i.e. conspiracy theories, anti-Big Pharma invective, guff about 'nature') as, if not more rigorously than the other side.

and Blue, your case is different.

" Dull - see, I think people like that are fucking idiots "

yes me too, especially when this person actually said that she didn't have to vax because everybody else had,,,,,gave me the rage,

Genuinely not your worry, it’s her lookout, her kid, their kid.

If you’re concerned, don’t visit, but you have no basis to judge anyone or anything

Youngmystery
You are being truly vile.

Sending Griffin a hug x

Not all babies need to be vaccinated. These tests are becoming quite popular, particularly with pets.

www.babyjabs.co.uk/antibody_tests.html

I'm a bit rusty with baby jabs, but I'm sure I read that things like the mmr wears off after around 20 years. Surely that means that there are an awful lot of unvaccinated adults around.

There's no point getting angry at us for this bluedoglead. We are answering the OP. Her sil is an idiot who isn't bothering to vaccinate a child who CAN be vaccinated. She can protect her child, she chooses not to. Those type of 'parents' I wish could have it rammed in their faces of what these diseases can do. Meningitis can cause a child to lose limbs or their life. MMR can cause multiple issues, my mum's hearing is screwed because she got rubella as a child. But you know, try and stop the child getting autism, something they are born with. Those people don't in my view give a shit about their kids.

Until your DS has had his MMR vaccination, I wouldn't allow him near your Nephew, tbh. Nephew is more likely to give your baby measles, mumps or rubella than vv.

Stupid argument really given there is only a few months difference in age in both DC so neither child would have had their MMR anyway yet and so by the time SILs DC has "declined" the MMR the Op will likely be vaccinating.

There are soo many options available for "inexperienced, worried parents" than wasting NHS resources at A&E. A pharmacist would be able to take a look and advise if it looked like something that needed checking out.

Thats why the wait is so long at A&E when your child is poorly because 50/60% are parents like OP.

Yes, the MMR does wear off, just in time for rubella to potentially harm expectant mothers and mumps to harm young men.

Buuuuuuut ...

Except that posters like Youngmystery have launched personal attacks on blue even though she has said that she hasn’t vaccinated on medical advice, and other posters have asked her to clarify what medical advice.

And this is the thing. There are people who will blindly decide not to vaccinate because they herd this or that and didn’t want to risk it. But there are others who have genuine reasons not to vaccinate which are nobody’s business but theirs and they are being held to account by the “I vaccinated therefor I feel fit to judge” posters who aren’t actually interested or believing that there can be medical reasons not to vaccinate.

How mummyoflittledragon? For thinking it would be nice that we could actually get rid of some diseases if people would just vaccinate? For not wanting more parents to bury their children? Yep I'm vile for that.

My first born had a scary rash. I phoned my GP who said pop in with her. It was just a post-viral rash. I was as new and inexperienced as any first time parent but I can honestly say that it never even occurred to me to take her to a&e

Chaos where have I attacked bluedoglead? She attacked me. I responded and she didn't like it. I never read her posts before she responded to me. I didn't know about her kid. As I've said, yet again, she can't get it, that sucks. But the sil can.

I have no obligation to tell anyone who doesn’t need to know (medical staff/care staff for eg) about my child being unvaccinated and even less obligation to explain my reasons.

Why is no one launching at the op brother?

Your sil/bil are likely (we don’t have any info to suggest a medical reason for not vaccinating) doing what increasing numbers of parents are doing which is deciding the risk to their individual child of vaccination damage is too high for them to wish to take. They are therefore relying on the rest of the population to take that risk so that there still exists herd immunity to protect their child despite not being vaccinated.

To some extent I can understand this (who actually wants to take risks with their child’s health?) BUT the problem comes when more and more parents are not vaccinating which means vaccination rates drop and those un-vaccinated (through personal choice and those who didn’t have a choice and medically couldn’t vaccinate) become at risk to these diseases. Now some will say that is a risk they are willing to take as the diseases are generally mild BUT there are risks associated from these diseases however “small”.

The comparison needs to be of the risk of vaccination damage compared to the risk of vaccination rates dropping combined with damage from one of these diseases.
Currently non-vaccinators are mostly gambling that enough of the public are still vaccinating that they don’t need to worry too much about the risk of disease damage.

We don’t know the SIL AND HER HUSBAND THE OP BROTHER’s reasons for not vaccinating. The op doesn’t say.

Terfinater yes they do wear off. But the thing is that we are only just reaching that point and now we are likely going to face epidemics of mumps in young men as well as disabilities related to rubella in pregnancy, but that’s alright because all of the kids have had MMR and the government wouldn’t allow single jabs for the illnesses which are genuinely damaging in childhood such as measles.

But funny how those who blindly call people morons and tell them how their child deserves to die or how they will have caused the deaths of children by not vaccinating don’t want to hear that the vaccinations they blindly gave their children are gone by adulthood when it really matters.

And when I say non-vaccinators are gambling I obviously mean those who have a choice not those restricted by other medical issues.

Youngmystery
Yes, vaccination is great and obviously everyone should do it where possible.

However, there are situations, where it is not possible, such as when a paediatrician has advised against vaccination. Your comments to Bluedog who is unable to vaccinate her immuno compromised child were vile and uninformed. Luckily you aren’t there making these crucial decisions.

If you’re going to say non-vaxxers are morons and should be burying their children and are criminals then you should, if you have a titter of wit, and in the interests of NOT BEING DISABLIST, qualify that vitriol with a “obviously not meaning those who can’t vaccinate for medical or other valid reasons”

ginny that was also my main question from reading the op especially given the vaccination debate has been done so many times - why waste A&E resources for a rash?

BlueDogLead: I am aware that there are children who cannot / should not be Vx, and think it even more important for children like yours that my kids are Vx. So I do think it selfish and negligent of parents of ‘standard’ kids not to keep these diseases out of our society.

But the OP hasn’t said why her ILs haven’t Vx’d.

OP: if your child is Vx’d they won’t pass those diseases on. And, unless you deliberately lie about about an child and take them out to mingle, you can’t be responsible for any infection that ensues. That is the risk they have chosen to take. (Unless they do have medical advice not to).

Can people please not act as though Mumps is not a serious illness??? It can cause infertility. It is not just having a thick neck and a fever.