To feel uncomfortable with SIL not vaccinating nephew

[CambozolaCrackers]

Have name changed for obvious reasons.....would appreciate some guidance on how to broach an awkward family situation going forward.

B and SIL have decided not to vaccinate their son (8 months).
My DS is 5 months and has been vaccinated.

Today we met up for swim class which both babies attend weekly.

I was concerned to see my DS had angry red rash across torso and brought him to a&e after the class to get checked out.

In short, I’ve been told it is a ‘viral exanthem’ rash, no meds prescribed - just one of those things that happen, and not to worry.

I’ve told my BIL and SIL what I’ve been told by the doctor. My worry is that at some point we are going to pass on something and put my nephew’s health at risk...or that my nephew will catch something dreadful that he has not been vaccinated against.

The anti vaxxer argument is not something that sits comfortably with me, but equally it’s very difficult to criticise other people’s parenting decisions - especially when it is family.

Any advice on how to best protect our kids going forward.

Just tell her she must be OK with the idea of burying her son if she won't vaccinate him against diseases that could kill him.

I have no patience for morons like her. If you're happy not vaccinating, you're happy to buy the nice pretty white coffin too.

." No one is condemning people who have a valid reason for not vaccinating for not doing it."

Obviously we are only judging people who have stupid reasons for doing something
Most people have valid reasons for what they do/don't do. Whether we understand or agree with those reasons is different and doesn't make those reasons less valid.

I’m really happy not vaccinating.

So I’m a moron now too and should be measuring up for the white coffin.

How lovely.

Every single one of us will have a different standard of “valid” reason for doing any number of things.

That doesn’t make me a moron, an imbecile or a criminal.

Until your DS has had his MMR vaccination, I wouldn't allow him near your Nephew, tbh. Nephew is more likely to give your baby measles, mumps or rubella than vv.

My child hasn’t had vaccinations on medical advice.

Or can’t you read?

I haven't read the previous pages only read the OP and you didn't say that recently. But whats the reason then?

Tell that to the family who lost their Toddler from it in 2017. ah, there’s always one who brings up this type of argument. The thing is that one child dying of an illness does not a serious illness make as tragic as that obviously is for the family.

And as a childhood illness chicken pox is mild for the most part. And the thing with childhood vaccinations is that many of them wear off by adulthood so even if you have been vaccinated against chicken pox as a child the likelihood is that you will then catch it as an adult as you didn’t have it as a child.

Surely far, far better to be vaccinated as an adult if you haven’t had cp as a child, because the vast vast majority of children will catch it with no serious consequences.

Similar with mumps. There has been a huge influx of mumps in adults because of the fact that the childhood vaccinations are now wearing off as they do not provide lifelong immunity as catching the actual illness does and if they do wear off then that happens at the most difficult time to catch the illness i.e. in adulthood when the consequences are that much more severe such as infertility in men.

Have you any idea what it is like to rear an immuno compromised child you complete and utter fool? Have you any idea what it’s like for your child to have an invisible disability other people don’t “beleive” in and call you paranoid for trying to protect your child? Have you any idea how hard it is to try to give your child a normal life without having to explain their personal private medical information to people whose business it is absolutely none of?

You. Have. No. Idea.

Are you just that stupid?

But there is a standard for 'valid'.

It's science. Peer reviewed and evidence based science. By it's nature it is pretty black and white.

You didn’t just read the op though, did you? That’s a lie. Because you read my post and whaled right in to me.

Your child is likely to come across other children in their class who are unvaccinated, but you won't know about them. Maybe at some point your sil and brother will change their minds. All you can do is get your child vaccinated and try and stay away from people you know are ill. You can't make other people do as you want or think is right unfortunately.

Do people really take their child to a&e for a rash? 😕

You haven't said that on this page bluedoglead and the ops sil has zero reason to not get it based on the OP. So if you could get them, based on your child already being immune compromised, would you

And before anyone gets angry, I would consider that not vaccinating an immuno-compromised child is pretty valid.

How do you know who is vaccinated and who isn’t? Of all the people you meet in day t day life how do you know? Does my youngster have to come with a big sign around their next so you know, and can approve my reason?

I had a go at you bluedoglead because you jumped on me. I read none of your posts previously, I read the OP only. Have no interest in anyone else's really when giving an opinion, I give an opinion to the OP as they asked for one. You didn't. But you did when you jumped on me.

Yes, people will take their kid to a&e with a rash if they are worried, or inexperienced parents, or if there are complications.

Better to be safe.

I cannot get my child vaccinated. On medical advice. That’s the end of the debate as far as I am concerned. I am going to do what their paed advises not some ransoms off the Internet who haven’t even bothered to RTFT.

I don't know who is vaccinated no obviously. But you should get it done if you can because it keeps your kid and everyone else safe. That's the point of them. You can't fair enough, but if you could would you?

Bluedoglead does it anger you that some people could vaccinate their children medically but choose not to because they believe eg that they cause autism? It would drive me potty in your shoes.

some people (yes ex friend I am looking at you) told me that they had decided not to vax, being much smarter than the rest of us, but it was OK because us dullards who had made the choice to do it, had ensured herd immunity anyway....

Show her this www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10155168508795632&set=a.322130010631.336875.730360631&type=3&theater

'This is my son Griffin, and he may have measles.

On February 9th, I received a phone call from York Region Public Health, informing me that Griffin, alongside my mother and I, was potentially exposed to the measles virus while attending a newborn weigh-in appointment at my doctor’s office in Markham on January 27th.

Griffin was 15 days old at the time.

I was informed that someone who later developed measles sat in the doctor’s waiting room between 1 hour before and 30 minutes before we arrived. I was also informed that measles is regarded as “airborne” and can stay in the air and on surfaces up to 2 hours after the infected person has left.

I was then asked if I had had the measles vaccine. I had.

Griffin. Griffin had not. Can not.

I was advised to not be around small children. If I worked in such an environment I would be written off work. I do work in such an environment; my home. Where I now sit with Griffin and my 3 year old, Aurelia, who has only been able to get one MMR vaccine so far. She is now, technically, exposed too. We are to sit tight and watch for symptoms: fever, cough, runny nose. If we develop any of these we are to call my doctor and arrange to come in under official medical precautions. We are to wait at home, in isolation, until February 17th, after which the 21 days of possible incubation will have passed and we are clear.

So, Griffin is now Schrödinger’s baby. Simultaneously with measles, and without it. Until he develops symptoms, or until a further 7 days pass. One or other.

And I’m angry. Angry as hell.

I won’t get angry at or blame the person in the waiting room. I would have likely done the same thing...you get sick, you go to the doctor. I have no idea what their story is and I will never know. But I do know one thing:

If you have chosen to not vaccinate yourself or your child, I blame you.

I blame you.

You have stood on the shoulders of our collective protection for too long. From that high height, we have given you the PRIVILEGE of our protection, for free. And in return, you gave me this week. A week from hell. Wherein I don’t know if my BABY will develop something that has DEATH as a potential outcome.

DEATH.

Now, let’s unpack this shall we. All out on the table.

You have NO IDEA what this “potential outcome” means. NO IDEA. I do. Unfortunately, I do.

You think you are protecting your children from thimerosal? You aren’t. It’s not in their vaccine.

You think you are protecting them from autism? You aren’t. There is no, none, nada, nothing in science that proves this. If you want to use google instead of science to “prove me wrong” then I am happy to call you an imbecile as well as misinformed.

You think you are protecting them through extracts and homeopathy and positive thoughts and Laws of Attraction and dancing by candlelight on a full moon? You aren’t. I PROTECT YOUR CHILD. We protect your child. By being concerned world citizens who care about ourselves, our fellow man, and our most vulnerable. So we vaccinate ourselves and our children.

You think you are protecting them by letting them eat their shovel full of dirt and reducing antibiotics and eating organic? You aren’t. As an unvaccinated person you are only protected by our good graces. WE LET YOU BE SO PRIVILEGED thanks to our willingness to vaccinate ourselves and our children.

You know what vaccines protect your children from? Pain. Suffering. Irreparable harm. Death.

And you would be the first to line up if you had an inkling of what the death of a child feels like. You would be crawling through the streets on your hands and knees, begging, BEGGING to get that vaccine into your precious babies because that is what I would have done, if I could, to save my daughter.

The fact is, there was no vaccine for her. Not for her illness. And she died. She died at age five and a half, and she is gone.

And I watch these arguments trotted out on Facebook and twitter citing false science and long discredited“studies” that just won’t stop and Jenny McCarthy quotes and “it’s MY choice” to not vaccinate...and I think...what would you have done if your child lay dying? Would you give them a scientifically proven, safe and effective vaccine and risk the minuscule likelihood of a side effect? Or would you let them go, knowing that at least they won’t develop autism (which they wouldn’t even develop anyway because SCIENCE)?

And don’t you DARE tell me that you wouldn’t vaccinate them then. Don’t you dare. You have no idea what it feels like to go through what we went through.

So, look at Griffin. Tell me why he gets to bear the brunt of your stupidity and reckless abuse of our protection? Tell me.

Seven more days until I know that my baby is safe. Seven more days.

How is your week going, anti-vaxxers?'

In Australia, several states ban unvaccinated children from childcare facilities unless they have a medical exemption. I hope we do the same in the UK soon.

These unvaccinated children can carry infectious diseases that could be passed on to babies too young to be vaccinated or to children who have medical reasons for being unable to be vaccinated.

It makes me cross.