To feel uncomfortable with SIL not vaccinating nephew

[CambozolaCrackers]

Have name changed for obvious reasons.....would appreciate some guidance on how to broach an awkward family situation going forward.

B and SIL have decided not to vaccinate their son (8 months).
My DS is 5 months and has been vaccinated.

Today we met up for swim class which both babies attend weekly.

I was concerned to see my DS had angry red rash across torso and brought him to a&e after the class to get checked out.

In short, I’ve been told it is a ‘viral exanthem’ rash, no meds prescribed - just one of those things that happen, and not to worry.

I’ve told my BIL and SIL what I’ve been told by the doctor. My worry is that at some point we are going to pass on something and put my nephew’s health at risk...or that my nephew will catch something dreadful that he has not been vaccinated against.

The anti vaxxer argument is not something that sits comfortably with me, but equally it’s very difficult to criticise other people’s parenting decisions - especially when it is family.

Any advice on how to best protect our kids going forward.

Somehow fallen, I knew you’d say that. Maybe think on, and don’t be so quick to post hyperbole the next time huh?

@ChaosNeverRemaibs Varicella is dangerous to those over twelve or so hence why the vaccine is generally only available to those who have not had it during early childhood. Countries that have chosen to include it in their routine childhood schedule do so for economic reasons (better for the economy to vaccine children at tax oayer's expense than to have parents taking out a week or more to take care of sick children). Parents who choose to pay to do it also do it for economic reasons or because it is an unecessary unpleasantness.

My (now ex) BIL and SIL don’t know why my youngestwasnt vaccinated. They might have a good reason.

Bluedoglead, it's precisely for the sake of your child that it is so selfish for others to choose not to vaccinate (which is what the OP says the parents have done). That is why it makes me so cross. Children like yours depend on herd immunity and there is no valid reason to avoid vaccinating against medical advice.

It’s your SIL’s decision OP,I wouldn’t interfere.Your nephew will probably be protected by herd immunity but I know I would rather have my child vaccinated instead of leaving it to chance.

I don’t really understand the anti vac argument,it seems very backward.Unless there’s a medical reason not to vaccinate I think vaccination is sensible.

As most people and children around your nephew will have been vaccinated, I imagine it will be less likely for him to pick up a life threatening illness. I know it works like this for flu at any rate.

Bluedog. I’m sorry your youngest dc is very unwell. Please don’t get upset about the post on the thread.

Oh. And I’m an imbecile. How wonderful. I missed that gem on the first read.

It pisses me off that parents don't get their children vaccinated but it has to be their choice.
My doctor advised me not to have my dd vaccinated for whooping cough because she had breathing problems at birth. He said best not to, so of course I did as he advised especially as there had been some scare stories about it.
I came to regret it because at 3 years old she caught whooping cough and it was horrendous!.. she was ill for weeks and couldn't breath properly.

Absolutely none of your business. It’s their decision alone.
If your child is vaccinated you’re not going to pass anything on, so relax. If he gets something that could have been prevented by vaccination then the blame lies entirely with the parents.

Except they may have a perfectly valid reason for not wanting to vaccinate which OP is not aware of.

And economic reasons is not a valid reason to vaccinate.

I wouldn’t not vaccinate against certain illnesses but I do believe that we do now overload tiny babies’ immune systems in a way which has never previously been the case.And I do believe that the pharmaceutical companies do have their own agendas.

We shouldn’t be blindly vaccinating against everything any more than we should be blindly refusing to vaccinate.

When my dc had their vaccination in secondary which now includes the meningitis vaccination around 70% of the class were taken ill by the next day, one to the point that he was fitting and the school contacted the vaccine company and were told in no uncertain terms that no of course it couldn’t have had anything to do with the vaccines.

Fortunately most of the illness was just mild symptoms but the majority of the class was off school or sent home ill that day, so if you have a child who has underlying conditions or a history of such conditions in the family then it stands to reason that you might choose not to vaccinate.

Making blanket statements calling people idiots is not helpful. Many illnesses need eradicating but unless we seek to understand why people choose not to vaccinate instead of resorting to name calling and personal insults you will never change the mindset of anyone.

Surly your brother is in agreement? It isn't just her?

If your child is vaccinated, I really can’t imagine what you’re getting all het up about.

You’ve done what you think is the best thing to do so hopefully your son should be vaccinated against most things that could turn nasty. You can’t worry about everyone else’s child.

To be honest I’m surprised your sil didn’t keep it a secret from you. We didn’t vaccinate our ds until much later than the guidelines for allergy reasons and we just didn’t tell anyone as we knew the amount of lecturing we would get. So we just kept quiet about it.

I think that most people make the distinction between those who can't be vaccinated because of underlying health reasons, and those fucking morons who believe the Wakefield nonsense, or think that the MMR is a consiparcy bu Big Pharma to poison our children.

it is because we want to protect children like Bluedog's that people get so fucked off with the tinfoil hat brigade.

Well, I agree Fairy, it’s not something I will advertise. However, part of me does think I should have the right to be open about my own decisions.

as somebody who has severe scaring from chicken pox i can assure you, it can get nasty. not deadly nasty, but nasty enough to wear long sleeves and trousers in summer and avoid swimming. my kuds are vaccinated - chickenpox and eczema are a bad combination.

Your title just blames the Mum, why is that? A good point, they are equally responsible.

Plus you have no idea what their reasons are for not vaccinating.

There are very few circumstances where it's reasonable to not vaccinate your kids at all. Those unfortunate kids (like my DD2 for a while) are put at risk by the selfish monsters who don't 'believe' vaccinations work. I think it's fair to assume that OP would know if there was some big medical issue and that she means B/SiL are the idiot kind of non-vaccinator.

There are certain illnesses which I would advise to vaccinate against......yet now we have instances of adults catching it...but I would never have even considered vaccinating against chicken pox

I think NHS professionals are better placed to issue this advice. Failure of vaccination in adults is rare and the benefits of herd immunity are substantial. Nonetheless you are making a valid choice about one vaccine; your right as a parent. That's a long way from the luddites who imagine that vaccination is harmful and put their kids at huge risk as a result.

My youngest child can’t be vaccinated for medical reasons. Glad to know they’re a public health risk

@Bluedoglead. I don't get your ire about this thread. My youngest was also in this position, which is why I'm irritated by fools who put her at risk by choosing not to vaccinate for nonsense reasons. It is kids like ours who are protected by herd immunity.

It is misleading to make out that everything needs to be vaccinated against and that the pharmaceutical companies just have our best interests at heart.

I think we all come from our own stance on this.

Why do I have to explain my reasons for not vaccinating my own child to my (then) oartner’s Sister? It’s not her business.

Its a decision they have made about their child, and technically the chances of your DS passing something on to theirs is minimal considering your DS would have to catch the disease/virus that he was vaccinated against in the first place?!

You do sound very anxious and a touch pfb.. you know you could have taken your DS to a pharmacist or GP and not to A&E for rash that came up after swimming?

Vaccinations are NOT compulsory.
Parents have the right to make that decision. No one else.

I’m angry about blanket statements about what a criminally negligent imbecile taking a public health risk I am.

But of course, they don’t mean me, because my reasons pass the test.

But, of course, no one knows. They might have good reason and not want to share it with.

Can’t stand the “mind your own business” argument that I see so much of on mumsnet. When does it become my business? When some selfish anti vaxxer allows their kid to infect my baby that isn’t yet immunised? It infects my kid that can’t have vaccines due to a serious health condition?

Of course it’s my business!

I’m confused:

If my child is not vaccinated but yours is then why does it affect others?

They’re vaccinated right? So it’s not like they’re at risk!

I could be missing something though?

Ok lime I saw it’s for babies