To expect a wedding invite more than 6 weeks before the big day?

[randomquestions]

So I'm 99% sure I'm invited to a wedding in 6 weeks time, well I was 100% sure but the days are going by and the postman still hasn't delivered an invitation. I've sorted out childcare and everything for my kids for the day and evening.

But I would have expected to have received an invitation a minimum of 8 weeks before the big day. I know when I got married, I had to confirm numbers and meal choices etc with the venue at least 4 weeks before and you inevitably have to spend some time chasing up those people who don't get their RSVPs back by the RSVP date. And then you also need time to get the table plan done and printed or whatever.

AIBU to think it's leaving it a bit late to get the invites out? Or maybe I'm just not invited!

Just turn up, tippex out someone's name on the seating plan and amend to your name, sit at a table and get stuck in to the food and drink, bring a handbag with a secret box of wine with a straw, change the tags on a couple of presents to ones bearing your name and if questioned insist that of course you received an invertation.

@GrannyGrissle
Best answer of the thread!

Op i would not be expecting an invitation if you are not that close. Some people do invite to the hen and not the wedding, I agree it is rude but they do. I just don't think you are invited.

Ha!

We only got engaged 14 weeks before we got married - and invites went out at the 6 week mark.

Save the date is a relatively new thing too.

Tell a white lie - say you've lost the invitation and can you clarify the timings?

lostintoyko what’s a bit silly? I don’t understand how your response fits in with anything I posted?

Tell a white lie - say you've lost the invitation and can you clarify the timings?

And if the bride hasn't sent them out yet?

Cherrycoke I think it’s silly to feel annoyed with a couple for giving you plenty of notice about their wedding because then you feel like you have to go.

Couples who give plenty of notice about their weddings do so because they want people to come. It is a nice thing to invite someone to your wedding.

But if you get an invitation to a wedding and you don’t want to go, just say you can’t go. If someone gets an invitation to my wedding and thinks, “oh god, I don’t really want to go but I can’t think of an excuse”, I would rather they didn’t come, especially if they’re someone I’ve only invited to be polite, or because my parents wanted me to invite them.

But I’m going to assume that most people would be happy to be invited and would want to be able to come, so I’m going to give them plenty of advance warning.

I don't think you are invited either. How much have you invested in the Hen do? One night local or weekend further away?

I'm not sure I could go tbh. Who the fuck doesn't invite someone to their wedding (night time at least) when they have celebrated on the hen do & spent a fortune.

Yes I would say I’m not going if I don’t want to. The PP point was that it’s obviously not the done thing to say “I don’t want to come
Because I don’t like you enough” so instead you say

A) I can’t afford it
B) I am busy that day

Neither of which fly 9 months in advance

I experienced this with my only posh mate.
I assumed I wasn't invited as we didn't have an invitation with under two months to go. I was cool with this as we were good friends but not super-close. Then he just casually asked "are you bringing the DC as the hotel would like to know if we need any children's meals?" I was like "eh?", and he explained that in his circles invitations go out at the last fucking minute no earlier than six weeks ahead.

I'm all for tradition, but this was a wedding where fifty percent of the invited guests would need to travel across the Irish sea .

I think “I can’t afford it” pretty much works at any time, especially if it’s a destination wedding. And you could already have plans.

Tbh I think if you just send a card saying “thank you for the invitation but unfortunately we can’t make it”, they are not likely to question your motives. They’ve got more important things to do, like getting married (with or without you there).

Our friends know that we could afford to go to the wedding, I just don’t want to go overseas for 4-5 days staying with people I don’t like. If it was just an afternoon I’d go.

So don’t go. It’s their wedding, it doesn’t revolve around you. But criticising them for telling people a long time in advance is ridiculous, especially if it’s abroad. The people who actually like them enough to want to go to their wedding will need time to plan.

If you are as miserable in real life as you’re coming across on here then they have probably only invited you to be polite and will breathe a loud sigh of relief if you decline the invitation.

I think we stuck with the traditional 6 week rule back when we married 15 years ago. We were very young and hadn't really much of a clue so I bought a confetti book on wedding etiquette which told me 6 weeks is the norm. I see confetti now suggest 2-3 months so I guess times are changing, probably because as a previous poster said, there is more travel involved now. When we got married we didn't want to put anyone out so kept everything local which suited the vast majority of people.

Weddings have definitely really changed since then.

Anyway I would say that you need to speak to some others from the hen party and just ask if they have received their invites, then you will know for sure. If yours got lost in the post, then she will be chasing up your RSVP any day - if you hear nothing then it is fair to assume you were left out.

Love there’s a big back story. As soon as we were invited I said I didn’t want to go but DH does & he doesn’t want to go without me. That isn’t the back story, that’s just why I couldn’t decline instantly.

Well then I guess that’s an issue for you and your husband to resolve between you, but it’s still unfair to criticise the couple.

True - it’s unfair of me to resent them asking us, thanks (sincere rather than sarky).

I’m planning an overseas wedding at the moment, so obviously very much looking at it from their point of view. But I’ve also turned down a wedding invitation because I didn’t want to go (weekday wedding, far away, partner not invited) and it was awkward between me and the bride, so maybe it’s not as simple as I’m making out either!

We've just had an evening invitation for an October wedding.

If I'm not invited, then I wouldn't have paid to go on the hen weekend

See, I don't get this thinking.
If I fancied a weekend away with the girls, then I'd pay my money, make the arrangements, and go on the weekend. These 'hen weekends' are just an excuse for a raucous weekend ways with the gals. If it is your kind of thing, then go and enjoy it. If it isn't, then don't. It doesn't make any difference to the actual wedding day. I've been to dozens and dozens and dozens of weddings without going to hen dos. I've been to the odd hen night (I don't like hen weekends - entirely my choice) when I've not been to the wedding. It is perfectly normal in my world for "the girls from {insert work / school / the sports team you are in / university friends / whatever}" to go for a 'girls night out' before someone gets married. Normal people understand that they won't all be able to be invited to the wedding day, but it doesn't mean you have to turn down a night out to wish them well. If you want to go on a hen night (or weekend), then do it because it will be a fun night / weekend. If you don't think it will, then don't go, regardless of if you are invited to the wedding day or not.
However, back to the opening question, yes, tradition used to state you sent invitations out 6 weeks before, so she might just be sticking with that - now seemingly old fashioned - tradition, however in 2017, it seems it is far more common to send them out earlier, so I'm with those saying you could try speaking to her, if you really need to know this far in advance.

Personally, I was mooching in my wardrobe this morning to see that I've got something I could wear to a wedding I'm going to this Friday, so I don't really see the need to panic about a dress.

OP I think you need to gracefully accept you are not invited.
Nobody sends out invites this close to a wedding.

Love . Good luck!

Thanks! And sorry for being grumpy!