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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a wedding invite more than 6 weeks before the big day?

205 replies

randomquestions · 18/02/2018 19:13

So I'm 99% sure I'm invited to a wedding in 6 weeks time, well I was 100% sure but the days are going by and the postman still hasn't delivered an invitation. I've sorted out childcare and everything for my kids for the day and evening.

But I would have expected to have received an invitation a minimum of 8 weeks before the big day. I know when I got married, I had to confirm numbers and meal choices etc with the venue at least 4 weeks before and you inevitably have to spend some time chasing up those people who don't get their RSVPs back by the RSVP date. And then you also need time to get the table plan done and printed or whatever.

AIBU to think it's leaving it a bit late to get the invites out? Or maybe I'm just not invited!

OP posts:
tippz · 18/02/2018 19:54

@toolonglurking

I think 6 weeks before the wedding is the traditional time to send out the invitations is it not?

Definitely not.

More like 6 months I would say.

If I received an invitation tomorrow for a wedding in late March, the chances are very high I wouldn't go. I am a very busy person with quite a full diary, and the chances are fair pretty high that I would be busy and unable to go.

If the wedding was as many people seem to have weddings these days - (100's of miles away, and expecting a big expensive gift-probably a big sum of cash,) the answer would be a very definite no.

Send them out at short notice by all means (only 6 to 12 weeks before,) but don't be surprised if half the people can't come/don't turn up.

Re the OP's question; why do you think you're invited @randomquestions ? Were you asked verbally? If so, ask them where the 'written' invitation is. (Like pick up the phone and TALK to them!)

HecatesBroom · 18/02/2018 19:56

HidingFromTheWorld's post is why I think the OP should try to make (discreet) enquiries..... do you know anyone else who you would expect to be attending - can you ring them to find out if they've received an invitation?
Or phone the bride to ask about a wedding present?
Or failing that just ask her outright - it would be a pity if some glitch in the post meant that you didn't get your invitation in time to attend if you want to go and are really invited.

Littlelambpeep · 18/02/2018 19:56

We are invited to quite a few and it is six weeks here.

Snowysky20009 · 18/02/2018 19:57

How do you know you are invited???

Buxbaum · 18/02/2018 19:59

Debrett's says 'six clear weeks'. I think in practice most people send them out with much more notice than that, or ensure that invitees are informally made aware of the date further in advance.

MyKingdomForBrie · 18/02/2018 20:01

You need to ask a fellow guest if they’ve had one..

Bluedoglead · 18/02/2018 20:01

6-8 weeks is standard. Save the date before surely?

zzzzz · 18/02/2018 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coldhandscoldheart · 18/02/2018 20:04

@HecatesBroom How would you go about making discreet enquiries?
I had a save the date card (now lost). I know someone else who has received an invitation. I haven’t had anything, but don’t like to sound as if I think we should be going iyswim?

Original poster
randomquestions · 18/02/2018 20:05

It's a friend's wedding. Although not really the sort of friend I can phone up and say Oi, where's my invite? I'm going on the hen weekend. When I asked her something simple about the hen weekend, her reply was mostly about how stressful the whole hen weekend and wedding planning was. I have offered to help a couple of times but she's never taken me up on it. I would have been happy to help organise some stuff for the hen weekend.

6 weeks just seems very late to me, and I've organised my own wedding so have been through it myself. Oh well, it may well arrive this week, probably with about a week to get my RSVP back!

OP posts:
HolyShmoly · 18/02/2018 20:06

6 weeks is standard in Ireland. Often people send the invites the same week as their hen/stag. Official countdown territory with enough time for the groom's hair to grow back.

Save the dates have become more popular though, especially for those that need to book hotels or flights.

Can you not ask someone close to the couple if the invites have gone out or if you're invited?

Original poster
randomquestions · 18/02/2018 20:06

She didn't do save the date cards.

OP posts:
goose1964 · 18/02/2018 20:08

You would have hated DD, she verbally invited people and only sent out her invitations about a month before. That is totally in keeping with her personality, always leaving things to the last minute and then doing everything at the last minute and rushing around. She's been like that from birth. Literally.
Is this in keeping with the bride? If she's told you're invited you may get your invitation at the last minute.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/02/2018 20:08

I think you need to check, maybe asking others who are going if they have had their invites yet. No way would I be podding out on a hen night if I wasnt invited to the wedding!

OCSockOrphanage · 18/02/2018 20:10

Hmm..... we've always had a few months notice of weddings, six to nine being about average.

Redglitter · 18/02/2018 20:11

Not at all. I have always received invitations at least 9 months before a wedding

I've never ever received an invite anything like 9 months before a wedding. 8 weeks is standard.

tippz · 18/02/2018 20:12

*according to debretts, invitations should be sent 6 weeks before?'

Don't know why everyone listens to everything bloody debretts says? Do people not have a mind of their own? Hmm

Well yeah, if someone tells me the DATE of their wedding (and it's say, September this year,) then it's OK to send the actual invitation around 8-10 weeks before. But if I got the invitation 6 weeks before when I had not been told about it, I more than likely wouldn't go.

Anyway, according to the OP, she hasn't even had a 'save the date' and is just assuming she is invited.

Why is she not the sort of person you can ask OP? Surely if you are close enough to be invited to her wedding, you are close enough to talk to her about where your invite is.

iheartmichellemallon · 18/02/2018 20:13

I'm not sure you're actually invited as being invited to the hen do doesn't necessarily mean you're invited to the wedding (I think it's incredibly rude but have had it happen to me!)

tippz · 18/02/2018 20:13

according to debretts, invitations should be sent 6 weeks before?'

Don't know why everyone listens to everything bloody debretts says! Do people not have a mind of their own? hmm

Well yeah, if someone tells me the DATE of their wedding (and it's say, September this year,) then it's OK to send the actual invitation around 8-10 weeks before. But if I got the invitation 6 weeks before when I had not been told about it, I more than likely wouldn't go.

Anyway, according to the OP, she hasn't even had a 'save the date' and is just assuming she is invited.

Why is she not the sort of person you can ask OP? Surely if you are close enough to be invited to her wedding, you are close enough to talk to her about where your invite is.

crunchymint · 18/02/2018 20:13

I have had a save the date card way in advance, but until it gets closer, I can't actually confirm if I can go.

grannytomine · 18/02/2018 20:14

I don't think I'd even spoken to my husband 9 months before our wedding.

HecatesBroom · 18/02/2018 20:14

@Coldhandscoldheart
Well if you had a save the date card then I think you can ask outright - surely no one sends that kind of card to someone they are not inviting?

Other methods of enquiry depend on your relationship with the bride and groom and their families and /or friendship groups.

I'm probably rather old fashioned, but I wouldn't expect someone to be invited to the hen or stag do and not to the wedding.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 18/02/2018 20:15

I have a horrible feeling you're not invited to the wedding, OP.

Do you know anyone else who'd be going? You could ask whether they've had their invitation.

MaggieFS · 18/02/2018 20:18

Six weeks is traditional, but not helpful in today's world where people need to book travel, accommodation and child care.

We sent save the dates so people knew who we'd be inviting and invitations about four months out. It was only when we chased we found out one couple had received neither as I'd typed their address wrong in our spreadsheet and used the computer to print labels so never noticed. They had assumed they weren't invited!

Find a way t oaks which leaves the door open for them to say no without it being awkward... mistakes and missing post can happen.

MaggieFS · 18/02/2018 20:20

Clicked post too soon!

Last sentence should be find a way to ask!

Also, I'd expect everyone going on the hen to be invited to the wedding, plus that means you're close so you really should be able to ask her.

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