To expect a wedding invite more than 6 weeks before the big day?

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So I'm 99% sure I'm invited to a wedding in 6 weeks time, well I was 100% sure but the days are going by and the postman still hasn't delivered an invitation. I've sorted out childcare and everything for my kids for the day and evening.

But I would have expected to have received an invitation a minimum of 8 weeks before the big day. I know when I got married, I had to confirm numbers and meal choices etc with the venue at least 4 weeks before and you inevitably have to spend some time chasing up those people who don't get their RSVPs back by the RSVP date. And then you also need time to get the table plan done and printed or whatever.

AIBU to think it's leaving it a bit late to get the invites out? Or maybe I'm just not invited!

No save the date makes it a bit squeakier (though she must have mentioned it if you know it well enough to book stuff), but if you're invited to the hen do then you should be close enough to be able to text:

Hi B2B! Just reading about someone who was invited on a hen do but not to the wedding??!! and realised I haven't had your invitation. We booked babysitter when you told me the date but I don't know timings etc so could do with details. Looking forward to seeing you on xxx

I think it depends whether the couple sends save the dates and whether their guests have far to travel. I guess if everyone was local and the wedding was on a Saturday, 6 weeks might be ok. But if people have to travel and/or book annual leave, that wouldn’t be anything like enough notice.

Many of our wedding guests had a long way to travel so we sent email save the dates about 8 months in advance, they included a link to a website with travel and hotel information to help people organise themselves. So we weren’t stressed about sending the paper invites, which were just a formality and a reminder of the RSVP deadline really, so I can’t even remember when we sent them. I think it must have been more than 6 weeks beforehand though.

OP since you’ve been invited to the hen do I think I’d just ask directly, I’d say something like “look this is a bit awkward but I just wanted to check, am I invited to the wedding as well or just the hen do?”

As I recall, I sent the invitations out 8 weeks before our wedding, but I'd invited all my friends informally before then. I don't know whether the same was true for my DH's friends as I left that up to him.

I think if you haven't received an invitation yet, there is a good chance that you haven't been invited. Could you ask another of the bride's friends whether they have received their invitation?

We were verbally invited to a wedding (well DP was...) but no invitation ever turned up - we had a day out on the wedding day as we weren't doing anything. Midway through the afternoon DP had a phone call from another guest asking where we were... but as we didn't know where the venue was (apart from what city it was in), and we were 150 miles away, the 'disorganised' bride had to do without us. So, it could be because the bride is expecting you but has forgotten to invite you.

Six weeks invites? Sounds like one of those traditions that need to die.

My diary fills up so fast I would struggle to have a date free in spring this year. I've booked my wedding for November and we want a clear 4 months minimum to make sure we can sort accommodation payments (that have to come through us).

My friend sent save the dates early, then her invites 8 weeks before for a Friday wedding. It was so long in between that lots of people forgot to book a day off that she ended up with lots of no shows.

You don't sound very close, so I don't know why you think you might be invited. I don't think you are, op,sorry.

9 months? I didn't even know I was going to be getting married 9 months before my wedding.

If she's arranged a hen weekend, she will also have arranged her invites.

I don't understand. You are going to the hen party, but you don't know her well enough to text or phone and ask about your invite? That's well weird.

She's just the sort of person who would take it the wrong way if I asked her about the invite. I imagine I'd get told how stressful it is planning a wedding and how everyone is adding to her stress. That's the response I got pretty much when I asked some details about the hen weekend (it's only a couple of weeks away and we hadn't been told about times etc and I had to get childcare sorted out, so I don't think I was asking anything unreasonable).

Anyway, I'm hoping she's posted the invites this weekend, if I don't get anything by Tuesday I'm going to ask some friends who I think are also invited. Maybe it's just me who thinks less than 6 weeks to go is a little on the late side.

Ask others who are going to the hen do if they've had actual invitations to the wedding because you're trying to plan (and really trying to confirm whether or not you're actually invited).

But if she's your friend surely you can ask a simple question????

These days on MN it is common to be invited to the hen do but not the wedding..... so prepare yourself. Hopefully the bride is just disorganised.

Six weeks is usually considered the correct timing for invitations.

I’m not suggesting chasing the invitation or any details. Just double checking that you’re actually invited.

OP, I probably wouldn’t keep waiting. Just ask the bride if you are definitely invited, because you haven’t received an invitation. She will either confirm that you are invited and that either she hasn’t sent out invitations yet or yours has gone astray, or she will confirm that you are not invited.

For what it’s worth, I think six weeks is far too short notice to be sending out invitations. I’m surprised to see so many people saying it is normal. That leaves hardly any time for people to send back their RSVPs and for the couple to confirm final numbers with the venue, not to mention being awkward for people who need to book time off work, arrange childcare or book travel/accommodation.

I also think it is exceptionally rude to invite someone to your hen do but not the actual wedding. Most hen dos end up being pretty expensive and I would not cough up for one for a friend who didn’t like me enough to invite me to the actual wedding. Spending money on a night out or weekend away with a bunch of women all excited about the wedding I’m not invited to? I would rather stay home with my husband.

Either way, your friend sounds pretty rude, unless she has sent you an invitation and it hasn’t arrived, in which case she’s probably thinking you’re the rude one for not having RSVP’ed yet.

Also why is it always “the bride” who is described as disorganised?! I think wedding planning is a joint responsibility and if invitations are late or whatever no one ever says the groom is disorganised

Maybe he’s doing f-all and that’s why (or at least partly why) she’s so stressed out.

I sent my invites out exactly 12 months before as a save the date then sent the actual invites out 6-8 weeks before. Just to get actual numbers as some from the STD invites didn't respond. If you've not received yet, ask if you've actually been invited.

Did the bride to be invite you to the hen? Maybe the head bridesmaid or whoever organised the hen just presumed you were going?

I also think it is exceptionally rude to invite someone to your hen do but not the actual wedding.

^Completely agree. Why would you go to someones hen party when you are not invited to the wedding. Talk about being a chump.

When it happened to me, I declined the hen do when I realised I would be the only one going on the hen weekend that wasn't invited to the wedding. To be fair, we weren't particularly close, so I was surprised to get the hen invite (& think I was only invited to even up the numbers for sharing rooms!).

I'm going on the assumption that the invites have been posted this weekend as they have busy jobs during the week so would probably post them on a weekend (leaving it any later than this weekend to post them seems to be cutting it extremely fine), so if I haven't received anything by Tuesday then I'll ask. It's seriously not worth asking before that, she's a bit of a character to say the least.

If I'm not invited to the wedding and I've just forked out to pay for the hen weekend (weekend, not just a night out!) then I'll be rather annoyed!!

OP I don't think you are invited. You have assumed you are but haven't had anything concrete from the bride.

Sadly it seems to be commonplace to invite mates to hen Do's but not the main event.

Although TBH 20 years ago when my age group were getting married thee was no hand wringing about only being invited to the evening do. We all went to loads of hen nights and evening only do's. It was family and close friends at the main event. It was just how it was, no offence meant or taken.

Yes the bride to be invited me to the hen weekend, she's not having bridesmaids, just flower girls.

I have been invited to two hen dos and not the main event. It's so strange - lots of pre wedding chatter and what are you wearing from the other hens, that you can't join in on.
Very odd.