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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have asked to go to her wedding?

205 replies

AlfieBearn · 18/02/2018 16:55

My best friend since I was 4 is getting married in August. It's all been paid for an booked and they are getting married in France (because that's where she lives). They are having a ceremony at the town hall where only her parents are witnesses then they are having a separate ceremony at a place in France, sort of like a civil ceremony.

The problem being is that we fell out really badly 5 years ago and haven't spoken.This Christmas we came back together and since then we have become really close. We text every week, we've made plans to go to a concert together in November and she's said if I ever want to visit her in France then I'm most welcome.

After a lot of thought and realising that I would regret it if I didn't go, I went to see her parents today to ask them if it would be ok if I surprised her by coming to see her before she gets married at the town hall so I could see her in her dress etc. I was immediately met with hostility and I could tell straight away by their faces that they didn't want me to.

Her mum kept saying "I'm not sure if it's what she would want" "I don't know what to say" "you've caught me off guard". I said I didn't actually want to come into the town hall I just want to see her before she gets married, even if I could just stand outside the town hall to see her walk in!! Basically they have said no.

I feel absolutely crushed to be honest. She was maid of honour at my wedding and she did a similar thing by coming back and surprising me at my hen party. It was possibly the most awkward conversations I have ever had with someone. My DH and parents (who are very close to my BF) have said it's because they feel her parents have never really liked me. I just feel incredibly sad that I will now miss it. AIBU?
(Post edited by MNHQ)

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/02/2018 13:45

agbnb, I'm sorry if you thought I was being 'off' with you, it was really more out-loud wondering what was so 'great' about this thread. The OP is probably really embarrassed (or I would be). I hope she can give herself a bit of a reality check and rebuild her friendship.

Anyway, I'm sorry. Tone not intended. Sometimes it is and I never say sorry then.

CherryMaDeary · 20/02/2018 16:03

I think it was obvious OP wasn't coming back 2 days ago!

I can't believe people are still offering her advice, she's probably hidden the thread and, as Mad says, booked her Eurostar.

ForexTrader · 22/02/2018 12:53

And now it's in the Daily Mail.

windchimesabotage · 22/02/2018 12:59

You should ask the bride not her parents. And accept it if she doesnt want you there. Surely your friendship is more important than the wedding and friendships take a long time to recover. It cant be forced. She may have other people that have become more important to her over time so you cant just step back in where you left off. If you really care about her youll accept whatever it is it turns out that she wants.

I was in a similar situation at my wedding with a friend who had been my closest since childhood but with whom I had dramatically fallen out with five years previous. I had always imagined her as being my maid of honour when we were kids. But at the time of my wedding it would have been ridiculous because other people had been playing much more of a role in my life that she had at that time. I did however write to her and tell her that I really wanted her to be there for old times sake. And she happily accepted that and attended and was really supportive. Our friendship is now much warmer as a result of how gracefully she behaved.

aurynne · 24/02/2018 04:55

This thread has made it to the New Zealand Herald!

www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=12001261

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