To have asked to go to her wedding?

[AlfieBearn]

My best friend since I was 4 is getting married in August. It's all been paid for an booked and they are getting married in France (because that's where she lives). They are having a ceremony at the town hall where only her parents are witnesses then they are having a separate ceremony at a place in France, sort of like a civil ceremony.

The problem being is that we fell out really badly 5 years ago and haven't spoken.This Christmas we came back together and since then we have become really close. We text every week, we've made plans to go to a concert together in November and she's said if I ever want to visit her in France then I'm most welcome.

After a lot of thought and realising that I would regret it if I didn't go, I went to see her parents today to ask them if it would be ok if I surprised her by coming to see her before she gets married at the town hall so I could see her in her dress etc. I was immediately met with hostility and I could tell straight away by their faces that they didn't want me to.

Her mum kept saying "I'm not sure if it's what she would want" "I don't know what to say" "you've caught me off guard". I said I didn't actually want to come into the town hall I just want to see her before she gets married, even if I could just stand outside the town hall to see her walk in!! Basically they have said no.

I feel absolutely crushed to be honest. She was maid of honour at my wedding and she did a similar thing by coming back and surprising me at my hen party. It was possibly the most awkward conversations I have ever had with someone. My DH and parents (who are very close to my BF) have said it's because they feel her parents have never really liked me. I just feel incredibly sad that I will now miss it. AIBU?
(Post edited by MNHQ)

I think you may have already scuppered the re-emerging friendship with this OP, I can only imagine if it was my DM

"Valley, you'll never believe who's just turned up and had THE CHEEK to ask"

If you hadn't seen this girl in years and had reason to believe her parents already didn't like you turning up at their house to ask if you can go to her wedding...

It wouldn't surprising me if your DM or DH received a call expressing concern for your mental state

It had a name in it tippz

Oh thanks @smashedmug!

Wow, just wow

OP says that the conversation with friend's parents was the most awkward ... OP has no idea of how awkward the conversation will be with friend on the day if she does turn up like a weird over invested creeper stalker to get emo on the steps of the Town Hall and make the friend's wedding all about her own wants

I really want an update ... OP for the love of god pls tell us that you realise YWBU and that you won't go ahead with this selfish and embarrassing plan

Please don't do it, even if your heart is in the right place it could really upset the bride.
We had a very small wedding, immediate family only and no friends. Except one worked nearby and decided to get dressed up and come down as we came out of the ceremony and have everyone take photos of them with us. We wanted just family. Some of my much closer friends were very upset to see we had actually invited a friend, just not them so i had to explain. None of our family knew who they were and the whole thing was really awkward. It's obvious if you look at my photos I'm really not very happy that our wishes weren't respected and it really felt like this person, intentionally or not, made themselves the centre of attention by stampeding into a wedding they weren't invited to.

Wow I think a lot of you are very harsh on op, I think she just misread the situation, people make mistakes, we are only human, Mabey in her mind she thought it woukd be a nice gesture, obviously not! Well it's unanimous, I don't think she will now. Don't worry op, just send her a nice card or letter.

I understand your hurt, I think you thought you were closer than she did, just step back and let her come to yiu if she want.

I think many replies have been a bit over the top and scared off the OP.

Yes some of tge replies have been very nasty and below the belt tbf!

Emmyrose has given a very good example of a nasty and spiteful post.

I think I’d send her parents a card with an apology for putting them on the spot. Wish them well and hope that they have a lovely time.

I interpreted this as the town hall event being here
Still bonkers but not quite as bonkers as going abroad to crash the wedding....!

'It sounds like you might not have been invited to the ceremony even if you had still been best friends'

This (so all the PPs delighting in telling the OP that she's not as close to the friend as she thinks she is are making an irrelevant point, be it true or not - which we can't really tell here).

OP, people have been hard on you, unnecessarily so in some cases, but their essential point stands - this was not a good idea and YWBU. What about the celebration bit - who's been invited to that?

After a lot of thought and realising that I would regret it if I didn't go

I think this is where it went wrong. The op ignored the social norm that you need to actually be invited to someone's wedding. If you're not, you should not be thinking about it and deciding to go. That's not how it works.

Op, hope you're ok this morning, apologise to the parents and just laugh about it and say it was a mad moment, and then I'd text the friend, as she will know and just say god I'd a mad moment and thought about coming to see you in your dress, I'm such a nugget sometimes, lol. And leave it there.

I am wondering how long before we are in the Daily Mail.

Yabu for all the reasons posted before. Also you may well have spoilt the wedding a bit for her now as her parents will have told her and now she will be worrying you are going to be lurking outside rather than 100 percent enjoying the moment.

As another poster said, please send her parents a note stating you will be be attending to put their minds at rest

it was very bad of you to put her parents on the spot like that by trying to get them to agree to you crashing her family only wedding. That must have been so awkward and uncomfortable for them, but you are only thinking of yourself.

Did you fall out becuase of your selfishness and complete lack of boundaries?

Op, hope you're ok this morning, apologise to the parents and just laugh about it and say it was a mad moment, and then I'd text the friend, as she will know and just say god I'd a mad moment and thought about coming to see you in your dress, I'm such a nugget sometimes, lol. And leave it there.

^^
Perfect advice Bluntness.

I don't think OP will be back after such a pasting. It was a terrible idea but I know we all have terrible ideas sometimes.

Your rekindled friendship is still in its infancy, the last five years has not been erased. Your expectations are based on where you were friendship wise in the past, not where you are in the present.

Take a big step back. you can be happy for her without being involved and if you can’t, then you probably aren’t on the same page.

Don't go. Some people choose not to have a big wedding on purpose. Puts them in an awkward position when other friends she has been close to for the last 5 years find out you were there when others weren't invited.
Send a nice card and a small present.

I've spent many times in cafes in France in the town squares watching the brides come and go for the formal part of their day in the town hall.She probably wouldn't even notice you at a table in a nearby cafe.

Oh Gawd, pleeeez don't do this, you will look like an utter loon if you do!
Anyone seen Muriel's Wedding? I totally got a mental image with this of OP sat across the way at a table in her big floppy hat hoping not to be seen, and then the friend screeching out in shock when she does see her!
"What are you doing here?!"
"Oh, hi, what a coincidence!"
"You have no DIGNITY, op!" < sad head shake and walk off >

Reading the OP and absolutely CRINGING on your behalf.