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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have asked to go to her wedding?

205 replies

AlfieBearn · 18/02/2018 16:55

My best friend since I was 4 is getting married in August. It's all been paid for an booked and they are getting married in France (because that's where she lives). They are having a ceremony at the town hall where only her parents are witnesses then they are having a separate ceremony at a place in France, sort of like a civil ceremony.

The problem being is that we fell out really badly 5 years ago and haven't spoken.This Christmas we came back together and since then we have become really close. We text every week, we've made plans to go to a concert together in November and she's said if I ever want to visit her in France then I'm most welcome.

After a lot of thought and realising that I would regret it if I didn't go, I went to see her parents today to ask them if it would be ok if I surprised her by coming to see her before she gets married at the town hall so I could see her in her dress etc. I was immediately met with hostility and I could tell straight away by their faces that they didn't want me to.

Her mum kept saying "I'm not sure if it's what she would want" "I don't know what to say" "you've caught me off guard". I said I didn't actually want to come into the town hall I just want to see her before she gets married, even if I could just stand outside the town hall to see her walk in!! Basically they have said no.

I feel absolutely crushed to be honest. She was maid of honour at my wedding and she did a similar thing by coming back and surprising me at my hen party. It was possibly the most awkward conversations I have ever had with someone. My DH and parents (who are very close to my BF) have said it's because they feel her parents have never really liked me. I just feel incredibly sad that I will now miss it. AIBU?
(Post edited by MNHQ)

OP posts:

DreamyMcDreamy · 19/02/2018 15:27

"Pack it in, we're not five years old and everyone is allowed to post their opinion even if Dexy says we're Not Allowed To.

DexyMidnight · 19/02/2018 15:36

Ah well, never could ride horses anyway, not with my lack of ‘grip’

MadMags · 19/02/2018 15:37

What?? Are you drunk?!

DexyMidnight · 19/02/2018 15:38

Yes, why, aren’t you?! Don’t tell me you have a....job?

MadMags · 19/02/2018 15:40

What an odd creature you are 😂

DexyMidnight · 19/02/2018 15:41

Thanks hun x

FluffyWuffy100 · 19/02/2018 15:43

Oh goodness that is so super cringe

BoredOnMatLeave · 19/02/2018 15:59

Oh OP Life is not like the sex and the city movie. Normal people don't want their friends turning up at their very intimate weddings.

Plus I would be fucking furious if my mum said someone could come to my wedding when I didn't invite them. What else did you expect them to say?! Anyway just apologise for your mad moment and laugh it off

WhyIsThereHariboInMyWine · 19/02/2018 16:20

What I don't get is why you didn't ask to attend the second ceremony rather than the first, private one? You might have got a less negative reaction.... of course now there's no way you can ask

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin · 19/02/2018 17:03

I'm glad the parents said 'no'. If I were in their place and all flustered I might have said 'yes' then regretted it, upset the daughter and then have the awkwardness of either undoing the invitation or having an unwanted guest.

HappenedForAReisling · 19/02/2018 17:55

I think I would take a card and/or gift to the bride's parents and ask them to give it to her on her wedding day so they know you're not planning on going yourself.

Lashalicious · 19/02/2018 19:17

I think what’s disturbing about this op’s post is that she refers to this woman as her “bf.” Not only since they were 4 and the woman was op’s maid of honor etc etc but now, after 5 years of not speaking, currently texting, but no wedding invitation. This woman would have invited her best friend. She did not invite you even after this current texting business. Therefore, you are not her best friend anymore. You are not her close friend either. You are probably not even a friend, because this woman has presumably invited her friends to the second celebration in France. Yet you are planning on traveling to another country and see this woman before she gets married because you “thought about it and knew I’d regret it if I didn’t” ??? It’s not up to you to think about it and “decide” to go see her in France. And referring to her as your best friend at the end of your op. Very very strange. Tell us what you fell out over, op. That will be the key to all this. Why her parents looked at you as if you are bonkers with hostility and said very clearly “I don’t think she would want that.” I don’t understand how you think you can bypass this woman’s wishes to not want you at her wedding? I don’t understand how you think it was ok to try to catch her parents off guard and try to weasel an invite from them? Bizarre. Think about it. This is not a mere social faux pas. Again, tell us what the fall out was over.

DeathStare · 19/02/2018 19:42

This woman would have invited her best friend

Not true. She has only invited parents. She hasn't invited any friends at all.

You are probably not even a friend, because this woman has presumably invited her friends to the second celebration in France

It's six months away. She probably hasn't invited anyone to the second celebration yet

Again, tell us what the fall out was over

I don't think the OP is coming back!

SharronNeedles · 19/02/2018 19:56

I really hope OP comes back! I need more info!

agbnb · 19/02/2018 20:09

this is great, but a bit ott, i cannot believe someone would be so clueless as to try and invite themselves into such a small intimate parents-only wedding ceremony and pressure them into it... surely? .... surely?!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/02/2018 20:39

To the last two posters; is this 'entertainment' for you then?

agbnb · 19/02/2018 20:51

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I come on MN to be informed, entertained, challenged - what's it to you? Why are you so sneery and eager to say what the "correct" reaction to a forum post is?

I do find it immensely bizarre that someone would actually have the audacity to ask this of the parents of the bride, yes. to the point where my first reaction was to wonder if it was a reverse.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/02/2018 20:58

I wondered what your 'this is great, but a bit ott' comment was about all these posts into the thread. It sounded like you were disbelieving the OP to me. Your reverse comment doesn't make sense in that context anyway.

Keep your little humphy face to yourself, it really doesn't interest me that much why you're here, post what you like.

SharronNeedles · 19/02/2018 21:11

I'm in utter disbelief at this thread so I need more information. I am amazed at OPs massive assumptions so more information would clarify if this is something that would generally be considered okay in her social circle or if this behaviour is just as bizarre to her nearest and dearest as it is to many of us on here.

agbnb · 19/02/2018 22:07

it really doesn't interest me that much why you're here, post what you like.

Then why are you trying to tell other posters what is an acceptable vs unacceptable response is? I'm genuinely confused - you may not like, agree, or share a response to a thread on here, but you don't get to tell other people what the "right" response is - as long as it's within forum posting guidelines and/or not causing defamation or something, we're all entitled to respond in our own ways to the forum posts of other people. Like responses or not, you don't get to say what's correct. Shuffling off this thread now but thought your tone was too off to not comment further LyingWitch.

gimmesomeapachepizza · 20/02/2018 10:07

To the last two posters; is this 'entertainment' for you then?

Of course it is. Why else is anyone here? You're not under the illusion this is anything but that are you?

DeathStare · 20/02/2018 10:46

I'm in utter disbelief at this thread so I need more information

No you don't. There have been 197 responses to this thread and not a single one has said "Yeah. Great idea. Go and surprise her". The OP's question has been answered decisively. You might like more information so you can mull over the OP's life in more depth, but you don't need any more info to answer the OP's question

more information would clarify if this is something that would generally be considered okay in her social circle
I think the bride's parents's reaction gives you the answer to this one. Besides which, has anyone ever heard of any social circle where this would be acceptable? 197 posts later nobody has even said "hmmmm I know people who would love this in the bride's situation"

PatchUp · 20/02/2018 12:16

Fight! Fight!

MadMags · 20/02/2018 12:37

I don’t think OP is coming back...

(She’s probably sneaking to France...)

Snowysky20009 · 20/02/2018 12:59

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