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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is what I'm asking so bad?!

261 replies

Kat160417 · 15/02/2018 09:29

Sorry but this is such a long post!!

So I had to return to work full time when DD was 6 months as I couldn't afford to be off any longer. We are lucky and have family that help with child care 3 days a week and a child minder for 2 days.

DD is now 10 months. Child minder is absolutely fab, no complaints, same with my parents but my in laws are driving me crazy!!

They have DD 2 days a week. Some days they keep her inside all day even if the weather is really nice (I know it's still cold atm but just wrap up?) And just let her watch telly all day. She only ever sleeps for "about 10 mins all day" if that was the case she would be screaming the house down wouldn't She? Considering everyone else that has her tells us she has a good nap on a morning and afternoon. If they do take her out, we are never told and it's as if we have asked something completely bizarre if we do ask what she's done through the day.

We asked everyone who watches her to not give DD any chocolate. We've given her little bits before but she's only 10 months old and doesn't know what it is so she's not missing out if she doesn't have any! Turns out the in laws have been giving her chocolate! I was so upset and angry mainly because they are going against what myself and DP have asked! When we have confronted them about giving it to her, they have argued back and said it won't do her any harm. We know that it won't but to me it shows they have no respect for us as parents.

They have an old Labrador who is as soft as anything and never bothers with anyone. DD was rolling about the floor and went to the dog and touched her face. DP mother found it so funny. Why would you let a baby touch a dog's face when you don't have hold of the dog or baby?! Even if the dog is as soft as shit I don't want to take that risk. You hear so many horror stories and I don't want DD being one of them. Of course the in laws again think we are being crazy because we've asked them to keep DD away from the dog.

When DD is with the child minder we obviously get told what she's ate and done through the day. I know that's her job but it's so fab that we get that and it's the same when she's with my parents. So all I'm asking is for my in laws to say how DD has been and what they have done through the day with her - is that such a hard thing for them to do?!?! DD has so much going on atm - she has hip dysplasia and has to have hip surgery in the summer and will be put in a hip spica cast. She's keeps getting unwell with bronchiolitis and has been referred to ENT for an issue with her throat. I know she doesn't know about this but I do and I'm so so stressed with it all and now I'm stressing about when she's with them because they never tell us anything and then think we're being funny when we ask them too!!

There is a part of me that needs to calm down with my control over the situation but she's my first child and as I've said above she hasn't had the easiest time. I'm haven't chosen to return to work full time it's because unfortunately I have to! I'm much prefer to be spending the days with my DD (I know a lot of parents are in the same boat as me).

Thanks to anyone that has read this mega long post! But I'm just so stressed and wondering if I'm just being completely crazy!!

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 15/02/2018 09:32

If you don’t like the childcare they provide, pay for a childminder for the other 2 days.

chickenowner · 15/02/2018 09:33

What Appuskidu said.

KateGrey · 15/02/2018 09:34

I think although it’s nice to think grandparents listen to parents but unfortunately they don’t have to. I would consider other childcare. How old are they? My parents are in there 70s and find my children hard work (they’re 9,7,5).

thebear1 · 15/02/2018 09:35

Sorry but I don't think anything is that bad, but if you are not happy with it then explore your child minder having you dd an extra day.

starryeyed19 · 15/02/2018 09:37

I'd use the childminder more and the grandparents less. If you've asked them and they're not listening, I don't think they are going to change that any time soon. It's really a question of what you are prepared to bear. If their behaviour really doesn't sit right with you, then increase the childminder hours

PiggyGoesToMarket · 15/02/2018 09:37

Agrees with pp’s, they’re not going to change so you’ll have to make other childcare arrangements if it’s driving you mad.

I’d find that incredibly frustrating.

WillowWept · 15/02/2018 09:37

With family you either trust them to look after your child or nit. If you don't then you need to find a professional career.

MoistCantaloupe · 15/02/2018 09:37

Why don't you provide food if you want to know what she has eaten?
If it's free childcare and she is safe, you can't really demand anything else. You'd be better off, as PP said, looking for alternative childcare options.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 15/02/2018 09:37

If these things bother you, find a child minder.

WillowWept · 15/02/2018 09:38

Professional carer

Deshasafraisy · 15/02/2018 09:38

Do you pay them for this childcare? If not you either accept it as it comes or find an alternative

MsVestibule · 15/02/2018 09:38

Unfortunately, your only option is to either ask your parents or the childminder to do more. Yes, they should take note of your wishes (they're not exactly unreasonable) but you can't and won't be able to make them 😕.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2018 09:38

I think you either trust fhem to care for her or you don't. If you don't, find alternative child care. If you do, then accept it for what it is.

FancyNewBeesly · 15/02/2018 09:38

So pay for childcare for those two days instead if you’re not happy. They’re doing you a huge favour. My twins only have one grandparent, she’s visited twice in 17 months. No one has watched them for us, not once.

Anasnake · 15/02/2018 09:41

You're being precious - accept the free childcare or look elsewhere

Original poster
Kat160417 · 15/02/2018 09:43

I've asked the childminder if we can increase the days but can't be done until September. So I knkw i will have to deal with it until then but it's the fact they seem to think it's so crazy that we want to know what she's done through the day.

@moistcantaloupe I do provide her food-dinner and tea.

OP posts:
QuantamBaby · 15/02/2018 09:44

Pay for proper childcare for your child and let her spend time with her grandparents on the weekend when you are there also. No 10 month old should be spending their days watching tv, avoiding naps and poking a dog in the face! Seriously, this isn't working for any of you, move her to the childminder full time and know she is being looked after properly.

Snowydaysarehere · 15/02/2018 09:44

Do you really need a minute by minute account 5 days a week? Sounds like you need to be a sahp.

AjasLipstick · 15/02/2018 09:45

As PP say....pay for childcare on those days. Nothing you have described sounds TERRIBLE at all. You're getting FREE childcare...you can't complain they don't take her out much!

Original poster
Kat160417 · 15/02/2018 09:45

Also, It's not that easy to just pay for another 2 days child care - considering how expensive it is and we're not able to claim anything.

OP posts:
starryeyed19 · 15/02/2018 09:45

Could you maybe try FaceTiming or some kind of video calling during the day so you can see what she's doing?

MoistCantaloupe · 15/02/2018 09:45

Ah sorry, I misunderstood. You mean what she has eaten out of the food you provided!

Bumbumtaloo · 15/02/2018 09:46

Honestly, they are providing free childcare for you. I guess what you need to weigh up everything you have said verses paying more in childcare.

I kind of get where you are coming from tbh. My mum used to have DD1 quite often when she was a baby, did she do everything 100% to my instructions, no she didn’t. But I am alive and kicking, she obviously raised me throughout my younger years and must have done something right. DD is now 8 and DD2 is 5. They have an amazing relationship with both my mum and MIL and honestly the no sleep, chocolate etc doesn’t matter now.

AjasLipstick · 15/02/2018 09:46

The fact is that two days indoors will do your child no harm whatsoever. Neither will a little piece of chocolate....the dog thing....it's not sensible at all but you know that.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 15/02/2018 09:46

Sorry OP I agree with everyone else. The only thing that would bother me enough to say something is the dog, but I’m generally not a dog lover.

What does your husband think? It’s his parents and his daughter as well. Is he as upset about these things as you are?

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