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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To fucking hate being a parent

318 replies

PeppersTheCat · 12/02/2018 16:01

Never, at any point in this parenting journey, have I ever been able to say "I love being a mum!"

I have a DD7, DS6, DSD7 and DS6months and I feel like a bitter old woman who's life is over.

I'm not cut out for parenting. If I haven't got someone sucking on my body causing it to sweat and smell, then I've got someone trying to sit on me, or both at the same time. I can't wash. Can't go to the toilet without causing a crying fit. I can't get any work done even though my employers are waiting. Baby won't eat anything I give him, he just throws it on the floor. DH hides in his office doing important adult career stuff whilst I sit in my own sweat and get further and further behind in my work. (To be fare he takes the kids swimming and takes baby out for an hour a day).

I look disgusting, feel disguising and am sick of being a slave to the whims of small humans who do little but whine, argue and demand. DH fucking loves parenting. It makes him feel "complete" and "fulfilled". I suspect this is how "normal" people feel, but not me.

I've known since the minute DD was born that parenting wasn't for me. I had DS6 to give DD7 a sibling. Then I had DS5months to appease DH. I'm a terrible mother and I feel sorry for all of the children in my care. I should have stayed a spinster or partnered up with an infertile man. I'm 35 but will never have the life I know I'm best suited for (career woman with friends and hobbies). I'm a selfish cow but I can't overcome it.

OP posts:
Rumpledfaceskin · 12/02/2018 16:07

If you’re working does the baby not got to daycare? I think it must be a near impossible task trying to WFH with a 6 month old. You sound like you need more balance.

RoboticSealpup · 12/02/2018 16:09

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Lucymek · 12/02/2018 16:09

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Original poster
PeppersTheCat · 12/02/2018 16:10

You hated it, so you had four? Yeah, OK...

Pathetic, right? But it's what the men in my life wanted so muggins went with it.

OP posts:
peachypetite · 12/02/2018 16:10

You have four kids, I imagine that would test anyone.

expertonnothing · 12/02/2018 16:11

I don't understand why you'd voluntarily have three children of your own and be a step mother if you don't like it.

athingthateveryoneneeds · 12/02/2018 16:11

I should imagine many people would feel happy parenting an hour a day. No wonder your DH loves it so much!

You sound terribly overworked and overwhelmed. Can you do something for yourself on a regular basis?

Lettucepray · 12/02/2018 16:12

The older 2 are presumably in school? Do you work from home? Could you have PND? I'm sure you're not as bad as you think you are being a parent. Do you feel you get enough support from your husband?

SparklyMagpie · 12/02/2018 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TruthUniversallyAcknowledged6 · 12/02/2018 16:13

What does an average week look like? How much time do you spend looking after children, working etc?

witchofzog · 12/02/2018 16:13

It will get easier as your youngest gets older. And one day you will be glad you did this when you are an old lady with grandchildren galore that you can hand back

LittleFeileFooFoo · 12/02/2018 16:13

Wait, you have dd7? Is that dd is seven years old, our your7th child?

And yanbu if you realize you don't like children, but yabu not making your dh be a sahp and you go work. If he loves it so much, go get a high paying job and let him have at it. Your kids will thank you....

LittleFeileFooFoo · 12/02/2018 16:14

Don't punish your kids because you're a mug.

Original poster
PeppersTheCat · 12/02/2018 16:14

Do you work from home? Could you have PND?

Yes, and possibly. I have a history of depression and anxiety. I also have autism (massive drip, sorry).

OP posts:
OracleofDelphi · 12/02/2018 16:16

Stop being so hard on yourself.... Im sure you dont hate every moment - you might just hate the now. Its hard looking after 6 and 7 year olds and a baby, many people would struggle.

If you need to work then you have to share childcare equally with DH - you get to go in important adulting office too. If you have had enough of people being "on" you - then I presume you are still BF? If so and DS is 6m then wean him onto bottles and reclaim your body that way.

In the hour that DH has the kids baby - when the other ones are at school make this you hour. Have a bath paint your toenails / sleep / read a book / listen to music loud . whatever you like. Mine are 9 and 10 and Ifeel like Ive only just become "me" again in the last 2 years and it has gradually grown.

Are DD7 and DS 6 your DH or do they have a different dad? If they do have a different dad when they go to him, give DH the baby and have a break.... you sound exhausted and sad.... Greatest myth going that parenthood is "great"! It can be amazing and wonderful, but it can also me messy, exhausting , unfulfilling and miserable at times too....

Original poster
PeppersTheCat · 12/02/2018 16:17

Is that dd is seven years old

yes

Don't punish your kids because you're a mug

Who the hell said I punish my kids??

OP posts:
Lettucepray · 12/02/2018 16:18

Then you need support and to make some changes. If you were pushed into having these children then it really should be the father doing the lion share of childcare. You need some time to your self too.

OracleofDelphi · 12/02/2018 16:19

Also PP saying "why did you have more kids", its not very supportive.... presumably OP has come on here to ask for help and support not the be berated for choices that she cant exactly undo.

Janel85 · 12/02/2018 16:20

Presumably the older ones are at school all day? Working from home with a young baby isn’t going to be easy for anybody... are there no grandparents on hand to help you out for a few hours a few times a week?

Original poster
PeppersTheCat · 12/02/2018 16:20

In the hour that DH has the kids baby - when the other ones are at school make this you hour.

No, not at all. That's when I can get some of my own work done. Or put makeup on, if I plan on leaving the house that day.

DD7 and DS6 are my kids with my ex.

OP posts:
StormTreader · 12/02/2018 16:21

Sounds like its time to tell your DH you cant carry on like this. Either he steps up MUCH more with his "lovely fulfilling parenting", or you work out how to afford a nanny/childminder for some of the time.

Howdydoodyfolks · 12/02/2018 16:21

Really feel for you Peppers, it is the hardest thing ever. Have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel? PND sucks the very life and soul out of you and needs specific help. Please talk to a professional x

Clandestino · 12/02/2018 16:22

I can absolutely understand it's demanding and daunting. I can also understand how you feel like you don't own your body anymore.
As your child is now 6 months old, how about you put him on the bottle instead of breastfeeding. I know I will get slagging from the "BF till the child is old enough to graduate from university" brigade but it's a valid solution to reclaim a bit of your body back.
And having children to appease your DH or give the oldest child company is the worst thing ever. If DH still insists, maybe it's time to get rid of the DH, not get a new child. You knew you were struggling to be a mother so you had three more children? Right.
It's too late now so maybe you could simply sit down and think about ways how to get yourself back on track while being a Mum because you can't change that.

Annwithnoe · 12/02/2018 16:22

To be fare he takes the kids swimming and takes baby out for an hour a day Wow! Let’s all give him a round of applause.

No wonder he’s fulfilled and loves being a parent. I bet you’d love being a parent too if you had a wife instead of a husband.

blackteasplease · 12/02/2018 16:22

If you have autism no wonder you find the touching and pestering hard. You need time to think and to be alone. You will need to single task not multi task. of course you find it hard when people are touching you.

Sorry you felt pressured to have more kids. Sounds like your current partner at least needs to step up more. And do you ex partners have their kids at all? Have you considered day care for the baby as pps have said?

Also please see a doctor 're depression.

Flowers