AIBU to think this was high-performance performance parenting?

[JustHereForThePooStories]

I was in a cafe earlier. I was at a table, and a woman and her son (he was about 3) sat on stools at a nearby breakfast bar type set-up, but they were facing me. Nobody else sitting nearby.

Little lad smiled at me, I smiled back. All good.

Then the performance parenting started.

At first, it was generic. “How many marshmallows are in your hot chocolate Little Timmy? 1... 2... 3.... 4!!!!! That’s right! Four! Four marshmallows in Little Timmy’s hot chocolate!”

Next was a loud discussion about the colour of the wall, other colours, the “wuh” sounds at the start of “wall”.

Then the topic turned to me.

“Is the lady who smiled at you a nice lady or a bold lady? That’s right! She was a nice lady because she smiled at you because you have such lovely manners!”

I smiled weakly.

“What’s the nice lady doing, Little Timmy? That’s right!! She’s having a drink and reading a magazine. Do you like magazines? You do! We can get you a Peppa magazine later if you eat all of your hummus”

“What colour is the nice lady’s jacket?”
(He said “gween”, it was actually teal. LT isn’t on the express stream into Oxford)

“Do you like the nice lady’s jacket?” (he did, in fairness)

At this stage, I gave her a bit of a side eye.

“What does the nice lady have on her face?”
(Aside- currently sporting a nice little crop of hormonal acne so I visibly rankled here. Thankfully, for his sake, LT played it safe and went with glasses)

By, I was getting very self-conscious so gave a curt “observant, isn’t he?”.

They continued. My handbag was discussed in comparison to his nursery rucksack- both in assumed contents, and colour.

LT asked why I was in the cafe alone, did I not have any friends? Conversation turned to naming LT’s friends, in no particular order.

At this stage, I decided to finish my coffee and just go. As I was walking past their table, the mother asked LT “where is the lady (note absence of “nice”) going?”

Not sure but I think she heard me muttering “to get some bloody peace” as I walked out.

“What colour is the nice lady’s jacket?”
(He said “gween”, it was actually teal. LT isn’t on the express stream into Oxford)

😂😂😂

Ah, give her a break, she’s probably been sent barking mad by repeated episodes of Peppa Pig. Can turn the toughest woman into a gibbering idiot after a while.

It is performance parenting but very much trying to involve you too. Sounds like she was desperate for a chat with an adult.

Ah, give her a break, she’s probably been sent barking mad by repeated episodes of Peppa Pig. Can turn the toughest woman into a gibbering idiot after a while

I’d say she was sending him barking mad! He was a cute little fella and seemed happy with his drink, snack, and squeaking his shoe on the table leg. She just couldn’t let him be for a second.

I probably used to do this. Desperate times......

She could be delirious with lack of sleep or just waving but drowning.

You never know. You really don’t so however irritating some people seem be nice

That's a pretty normal conversation to face with a preconversational toddler with the obvious exception of talking about strangers' appearances-terrible manners. Contestant fined ten demerit points!

I think I might be guilty of the counting the marshmallows in the hot chocolate scenario, just to stop him running amok in the coffee shop - and further such inane chat as not really possible to have deep and meaningful conversation with 3 year old (or maybe my 3 year old us just on same train as LT....)

Repeated personal comments and questioning about the 'nice lady' sounds a bit rude and intrusive though - I would have been a bit uncomfortable (as do not want to have to make inane chat in cafe with other people's 3 year olds!)

If she had mentioned him talking to the nice lady in mandarin then yes that’s suspect

Poor woman is probably very lonely

I always wonder whether I'd be accused of 'performance parenting'. My DS is 6 months old and I continually talk to him whilst we are out. I point everything, reel off shopping lists and if anyone interacts with him, I do the whole 'give the nice man/lady/dog a smile/wave'.

Apologies but I have absolutely no desire to stop my conversation with my child to appease others.

I wanted you to be a 'bold lady'

The lady is waving with one, two, two fingers mummy. Two!

Not a bit of fucking wonder she might be lonely, irritating strangers like that. I’d be keeping my distance too. 😁

I was just waiting for him to ask why I had two chins or a big belly

“How many bristled hairs does the nice lady have on her chin, Little Timmy? 1... 2... 3...”

I had this on a train once coming home from work. That was one long journey.

She went too far. A bit of oh smile at the nice lady, yes, but all the rest of it, no. I mean you're not there as the next educational topic for timmy. And yes I like the idea of timmy deciding you were bold lady. We say bold for naughty in my family. Don't know what it means where your are but I would have chuckled from afar if timmy had proclaimed you to be bold!

Is it me or are these 'performance parenting' and 'overheard in the supermarket' threads starting to sound like practice runs for all those Peter and Jane, Hurrah for Gin type blog lists and Facebook posts.

I wonder what a bold lady is.

To be fair, I usually interact with kids, especially toddlers especially if the parent looks knackered. I have spent several short bus journeys happily pulling faces and passing toys back and forth.
Usually it's the child who initiates this. If I was having a read and a coffee I'd be courteous, but in the case in the OP I would have called a halt though, probably by very gently saying 'It was fun talking and now the lady is going to read quietly.'
I absolutley agree parents should chat with their children, but I object to it being assumed to be permanently 'available' just for being out alone in public.

The difference between people talking with their children and performance parenting is very clear. Don't worry WonderLime, there really is no mistaking it.

PP involves looking at the bystander to check their response is suitably 'impressed' in nature. Talking with your child means you are generally looking at the child.

@GreenRut - means naughty where I’m from too.

Wonder what I’d need to have done for him to deem me bold?

Jeez those of you who think ‘oops, this is me’

Please, do talk to your children by all means. BUT THEY’RE NOT DEAF. You really don’t have to involve everyone around you. It really pisses me off.

I kind of wish you hadn’t smiled back...

‘Oh yes that’s right, Timmy! She’s a bold lady for ignoring you when you’re being so lovely, that’s not very nice manners is it?! Now what colour is the bold lady’s jacket?...’