AIBU to think this was high-performance performance parenting?

[JustHereForThePooStories]

I was in a cafe earlier. I was at a table, and a woman and her son (he was about 3) sat on stools at a nearby breakfast bar type set-up, but they were facing me. Nobody else sitting nearby.

Little lad smiled at me, I smiled back. All good.

Then the performance parenting started.

At first, it was generic. “How many marshmallows are in your hot chocolate Little Timmy? 1... 2... 3.... 4!!!!! That’s right! Four! Four marshmallows in Little Timmy’s hot chocolate!”

Next was a loud discussion about the colour of the wall, other colours, the “wuh” sounds at the start of “wall”.

Then the topic turned to me.

“Is the lady who smiled at you a nice lady or a bold lady? That’s right! She was a nice lady because she smiled at you because you have such lovely manners!”

I smiled weakly.

“What’s the nice lady doing, Little Timmy? That’s right!! She’s having a drink and reading a magazine. Do you like magazines? You do! We can get you a Peppa magazine later if you eat all of your hummus”

“What colour is the nice lady’s jacket?”
(He said “gween”, it was actually teal. LT isn’t on the express stream into Oxford)

“Do you like the nice lady’s jacket?” (he did, in fairness)

At this stage, I gave her a bit of a side eye.

“What does the nice lady have on her face?”
(Aside- currently sporting a nice little crop of hormonal acne so I visibly rankled here. Thankfully, for his sake, LT played it safe and went with glasses)

By, I was getting very self-conscious so gave a curt “observant, isn’t he?”.

They continued. My handbag was discussed in comparison to his nursery rucksack- both in assumed contents, and colour.

LT asked why I was in the cafe alone, did I not have any friends? Conversation turned to naming LT’s friends, in no particular order.

At this stage, I decided to finish my coffee and just go. As I was walking past their table, the mother asked LT “where is the lady (note absence of “nice”) going?”

Not sure but I think she heard me muttering “to get some bloody peace” as I walked out.

@KERALA1 maybe sometimes it is. I just don't spend time worrying about other parents' motivation for what they do with their children. I just parent my own DDs, and certainly never worry about what total strangers might think. (Although I do try to be considerate to others, don't let them run around disturbing other people.)

Yy Laurie.

Agree with every word.
It's not as great place to have dc in the UK.

I think I might be guilty of the counting the marshmallows in the hot chocolate scenario, just to stop him running amok in the coffee shop

This times a million. I was the one pointing at things out of the train window, the one counting the chairs at the GP's, pointing out colours in any queue. Distraction, distraction, distraction. It worked (but obviously not for spectators.....).

Your op is very funny! Nice writing style.

It all sounds fine until she started getting the little boy to describe you. That’s both weird and rude.

I think one thing is always the same in these 'performance parenting' scenarios. It's always a child of preschool age, older children wouldn't want to be entertained that way.

It's very hard work entertaining a preschooler whilst waiting for a meal to arrive. I'm so glad my DDs are past that stage.

The marshmallow counting and colours is fine imo but not dissecting another customers clothes, whether she might b kind etc. Singling someone out to discuss isn’t great one bit. If say you’d given him your marshmallows then it’s ok to comment how kind you were to do so but doing what she was doing ie using you as a learning topic almost isn’t ok

I was in costa with DD and DGD 2.7) yest. Our conversation included whether she was enjoying her drink, how she was having hot choc like her DM, what we were going to do when we had finished, how busy
It was etc. We didn’t target one person and focus (loudly) on them.

Out of curiosity, are the people who use "bold" from the Portsmouth area? I worked with a Pompey girl once, and she used to call nasty clients "bold wenches"!

My son is 3. If he’s not kept stimulated he will do it hisself and in a public place the outcome of his choice of entertainment may not be favourable for adults. She was probably trying to get some peace. But talking about you in earshot is pretty itritating. Either talk with you or be discreet. Painful 😂

Gosh, there are a lot of people on this thread who a) definitely don't care NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT about what others think of them b) are furious at the idea that anyone else might think they're performance parenting.

What is wrong with you?
A woman was chatting to her son... 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Nik

About the op, a completely stranger!! That’s not normal behaviour as far as I am concerned. Counting marshmallows? Sure, go ahead. Asking your child to describe a total stranger in front of them? No.

I, was wondering when you were going to pop up and ask him, "How many fingers am I holding up Little Timmy?" as you headed off to get away from it.

Part of me wonders if Little Timmy is speech delayed as I used to talk endless crap to my SN DD. However, I don't remember being rude describing strangers.

Other explanation Little Timmy's mum is a little unhinged from not having adult conversation.

To be fair, I've not read the thread but have to agree if she is anyway mentioning Peppa pig must be at an all time low and need adult engagement.
I work with this age group children and finally got around to watching a episode of PP............ I now feel totally different towards parents that have to live with it.

I wonder if Timmy's mum had overdosed on caffeine? Surely no one can keep up that level of upbeat enthusiastic questioning of a toddler all day? It sounds exhausting.

YADNBU. I detest try hard parents like her. And I'd be even more annoyed if she (and child) interrupted any of my precious child free time! But weirdly I still feel a teeny bit sorry for her.

I think I could have been accused of performance parenting once but in my defence I was trying to stop my child from screaming bloody murder.

I was on the bus with my two dc. I think Ds was 1 and dd was 3.

Dd insisted on sitting in the chairs along the side instead of next to me. Fine. She was sensible and I could see her very clearly.

Dd started to want to stand up and mess about. The bus hadn't left yet and was taking its time. I told her to sit down or she will come and sit next to me.

She sat down but started to cry which I knew would end up loud and shrill. To save peoples ears I played a game of "touch your...." and had her touch a body part as quickly as she could.

She stoped crying very quickly. I did stop once the bus started moving as the was happy enough to look out the window but I suppose I could have annoyed some people. However I think I was less annoying that a child crying

soubriquet I would just classify that as playing a game with your child. And in my eyes, that's not something that needs defending.

Soubriquet that's desperately trying to divert a tantrum with some entertainment.

I think this mum has made the classic mistake of thinking that everyone will think her son is as amazing, adorable and clever as she thinks he is and he needs to be showcased.
No toddler needs continuous testing on their knowledge of numbers, colours and words with rapturous applause every time they say something.

Sounds like a lunatic & a passive aggressive one. Was she annoyed that her son smiled at you? Weird. Unless she thought I wanted to be involved & didn’t have the social skills to involve u?

I got stuck behind a power mother doing maths with her kids at Waitrose checkout. Even the cashier joined in, covering the till display so the child had to workout what 2x87p was. Took him ages and the queue was building up. I'll go to Aldi next time. 😀

Oh dear. I talk to my 2yo constantly and am naturally loud. 😳

And yes the personal comments were weird, OP.