AIBU to think this was high-performance performance parenting?

[JustHereForThePooStories]

I was in a cafe earlier. I was at a table, and a woman and her son (he was about 3) sat on stools at a nearby breakfast bar type set-up, but they were facing me. Nobody else sitting nearby.

Little lad smiled at me, I smiled back. All good.

Then the performance parenting started.

At first, it was generic. “How many marshmallows are in your hot chocolate Little Timmy? 1... 2... 3.... 4!!!!! That’s right! Four! Four marshmallows in Little Timmy’s hot chocolate!”

Next was a loud discussion about the colour of the wall, other colours, the “wuh” sounds at the start of “wall”.

Then the topic turned to me.

“Is the lady who smiled at you a nice lady or a bold lady? That’s right! She was a nice lady because she smiled at you because you have such lovely manners!”

I smiled weakly.

“What’s the nice lady doing, Little Timmy? That’s right!! She’s having a drink and reading a magazine. Do you like magazines? You do! We can get you a Peppa magazine later if you eat all of your hummus”

“What colour is the nice lady’s jacket?”
(He said “gween”, it was actually teal. LT isn’t on the express stream into Oxford)

“Do you like the nice lady’s jacket?” (he did, in fairness)

At this stage, I gave her a bit of a side eye.

“What does the nice lady have on her face?”
(Aside- currently sporting a nice little crop of hormonal acne so I visibly rankled here. Thankfully, for his sake, LT played it safe and went with glasses)

By, I was getting very self-conscious so gave a curt “observant, isn’t he?”.

They continued. My handbag was discussed in comparison to his nursery rucksack- both in assumed contents, and colour.

LT asked why I was in the cafe alone, did I not have any friends? Conversation turned to naming LT’s friends, in no particular order.

At this stage, I decided to finish my coffee and just go. As I was walking past their table, the mother asked LT “where is the lady (note absence of “nice”) going?”

Not sure but I think she heard me muttering “to get some bloody peace” as I walked out.

There's nothing at all wrong with counting out marshmallows, commenting on colours and sounding out words. It helps develop children's skills. Equally engaging with your child in a reasonably loud, clear voice is recommended by SALT for a reason. Perhaps she should have plugged him into youtube and be done with it. Oh wait, society would have judged the fuck out of her for that too.

Laurie so agree with this

Very amused that several posters have explained that the reason they talk to their kids is because they are very 'bright'. Kind of tells you all you need to know!

She totally overstepped with the personal comments but some kids need constant attention in certain moods/places.

DD needed me to occupy her in that sort of situation until she turned 3. I had to talk to her if I wanted a peaceful café experience (for myself and other patrons!) otherwise she'd start shouting, grabbing things, etc. etc. Generally my inane chatter was the lesser of two evils. Now that she can sit still for more than 10 seconds without wanting to burn down the world trips to cafés are a lot more peaceful.

The wean would be better advised no to gawp folk wi it’s ma barking instruction.

She’s just talking to her child. She probably shouldn’t have commented on you personally. That is rude. But it doesn’t sound like she was trying to impress you. Performance parenting is when you are seeking to impress those around you isn’t it? She was talking to her child and u we’re listening to their conversation judging it and then posting it online for others to judge here too. That’s rude too. So your hardly without fault r u?!

Not probably Snow, definitely. I would judge anyone making loud comments about strangers. It’s nothing to do with whether they’ve got a kid with them, it’s to do with basic manners.

Talk endless nonsense to toddler- fine. Do it slightly too loudly and rather too much about someone who clearly not wanting to engage and possibly trying to show off- tedious and irritating.

Judgemental much!!?? Do you have kids - I have a toddler and if you don’t talk to her she starts becoming restless then the rubbish starts...I don’t involve anyone around me though - why would I, not everyone likes kids and I get that - I’m not performance parenting, im talking to my child and keeping her busy from annoying everyone else. Maybe try to be a bit more understanding....

That was far too persinal and teaching the child to make decision/ judgements is plain rude training up.
You could have shut her up by talking to siri or google about her. Or hell just your bag. She's inviting weird. I'd have had a laugh.

But the OP wasn’t complaining just about the personal comments she was complaining about ‘performance parenting’. So I agree that she shouldn’t have talked about the OP. That was odd and rude but the rest is just a child and a parent interacting. It’d be pretty sad if she sat at the table and ignored her child instead.

I like Abra’s idea. If the personal comments were uncomfortable just do something about it. ‘Timmy & Timmy’s mummy it’s been lovely but I’m a bit busy here and it’s rude to talk about someone like that.’ Or ask Siri loudly ‘Siri is it rude to talk about someone within earshot?’