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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holidays; Telling 14 yr old has to go.

186 replies

ohh · 28/01/2018 14:23

AIBU telling our 14 year old daughter that she has to go on holiday with us.

Briefly we have been to same caravan park on and off for 6 years. All 3 children loved it, then went to France 2 years ago. 14 yr old style conscious has said not going there.Angry Already booked. 17 year old and 10 year old happy to they are both boys. Didn't go anywhere last year.

DH said to me shes being a spoiled bitch and has to go. DD has said will stay with friends. I said no way.

AIBU

OP posts:
EllaHen · 28/01/2018 14:25

Your dh described your daughter as a bitch? What a prick.

NotACleverName · 28/01/2018 14:27

YABU if you didn't pull your husband up for referring to your daughter as a "spoiled bitch."

MiddleClassProblem · 28/01/2018 14:27

Yeah she has to go. She’s not a bitch. Unless something awful happened to her and she’s not just being picky then she’s got no choice but she can get over it.

MadMags · 28/01/2018 14:28

Well, your husband is a piece of work for starters but since that doesn’t seem to bother you, I can’t imagine it’s the first time. Hmm

BertrandRussell · 28/01/2018 14:28

He called his dd a bitch? Blimey. I know who wouldn’t be going if it was me!

billybagpuss · 28/01/2018 14:29

She's 14, if you say she's going, she's going.

However - moody teenager on holiday is HORRIBLE and whilst it probably won't ruin it for the boys it will for you and DH.

Can she maybe take a friend?

user1487194234 · 28/01/2018 14:30

I think YANBU
Assume your husband did not call DD this to her face
In my house I would have involved a child of that age in a discussion about where we were going etc and I would essentially not engage in any chat about them not coming
Hopefully she is just kicking off as teenagers do but ultimately in my house she would be coming

SavageBeauty73 · 28/01/2018 14:30

Spoilt bitch 😱

Brokenbiscuit · 28/01/2018 14:31
Shock
Angrybird345 · 28/01/2018 14:32

The dh said to the wife she’s s spilt bitch... not to the dd.... completely different.

Sounds like dd is s pain and she must go in holiday.

stickytoffeevodka · 28/01/2018 14:32

Your husband sounds horrendous.

But on the other hand why force her to go? If she can go and stay with a friend what's the problem?

Canyouguess · 28/01/2018 14:33

Your thread shouldn’t be about your daughter but rather your husbands disrespect and foul way of describing your daughter

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 28/01/2018 14:35

Well, your DH sounds a real catch.

But that aside, she’s 14. Yes, it might have been better if you’d had a bit of a family discussion about where the holiday was going to be this year (can’t imagine not chatting to my 14 year old DS about it at least), the bottom line in our house would be that she would be coming on the holiday and that would be that.

Candlelights · 28/01/2018 14:35

How viable is it for her to stay with friends? If it's not actually an option then clearly she has to come.

If they would be willing to have her then you could let her stay, have a good time without her, save some money, and let her know she's welcome to come next year after a year off.

Does she consider her brothers to be reasonable company? If not, would it be possible for her to bring a friend along? Is she likely to have a good time once she's there or will she hold a grudge and make everyone's life a misery?

Holidays with teens can be tricky. DSD1 refused to come when she was 14/15. We went without her (no option really as her DM had made it clear she wouldn't force her). The younger DC/DSC all had a great time anyway, and the next year she decided she would like to come too Smile

Pickleypickles · 28/01/2018 14:35

Why do people pick on one tiny unrelated element of a thread Confused
OP is talking about taking her kids on holiday hardly the voice of a malicious child abuser.
In answer to your question OP, she is 14 and if you say shes going on holiday i dont think that should be negotiable at that age. You will spend all your holiday worrying about her otherwise.

MadMags · 28/01/2018 14:36

It’s not tiny or irrelevant.

Oliversmumsarmy · 28/01/2018 14:37

You have been going to the same place for 6 years.

I think that might be the problem.

Sirzy · 28/01/2018 14:40

The attitude of the father could well be very significant as to why she doesn’t want to go.

I do think with older children it is always nice to involve them in the planning. I can understand a 14 year old not being excited at being told where they are going without any prior discussion

WitchIwasaWitch18 · 28/01/2018 14:41

Leaving aside the name calling perhaps the caravan park has had its day as a holiday destination. I have some sympathy with your DD with memories of being forced to go on one myself at that age. It was horrendous and even now remember it as a most unhappy time. Too close quarters with all the family and no chance to escape. Awful holiday.
Take a look at Intrepid for next holiday. I can highly recommend this company and my DDs are the same age as yours and are happy to go.

FWIW I'd let your DD have the option of staying with friends.

BertrandRussell · 28/01/2018 14:41

Can she stay with a friend?

NewYearNewMe18 · 28/01/2018 14:43

There is no negotiation. She goes on holiday with the family.

BertrandRussell · 28/01/2018 14:44

“There is no negotiation.”

Surely there should be negotiation? Stay with friends? Stay with grandma? Take a friend with her?

Rachie1973 · 28/01/2018 14:45

I refer to my 16 yr old as a 'bitch' at times in private to my DH.

Actually once, when she was being particularly spiteful I did tell her she was behaving like a bitch.

She was, she does. She's 16.

OPs DD is 14 though, and if you want her to come then you tell her it's non negotiable. Shes a child.

expatinscotland · 28/01/2018 14:46

Nah, she goes with you all. Bet the friend's parents haven't been consulted.

maddiemookins16mum · 28/01/2018 14:46

Bitch is not a nice word (but I've called DD a spoilt little madam on occasion when at my tethers end).

That aside, our DD is 14 in April and I'm afraid she as no choice in coming or not at present, she comes.