Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holidays; Telling 14 yr old has to go.

186 replies

ohh · 28/01/2018 14:23

AIBU telling our 14 year old daughter that she has to go on holiday with us.

Briefly we have been to same caravan park on and off for 6 years. All 3 children loved it, then went to France 2 years ago. 14 yr old style conscious has said not going there.Angry Already booked. 17 year old and 10 year old happy to they are both boys. Didn't go anywhere last year.

DH said to me shes being a spoiled bitch and has to go. DD has said will stay with friends. I said no way.

AIBU

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 28/01/2018 15:15

I simply love MN! I do!

This is the time of year where people book their 9.50 a head Sun affordable holidays. Along come the swathes of incredibly richer than yew mob suggesting different locations. The holiday is booked. maybe one of the Lady Bountifuls on here could offer the OP use of their holiday cottage and au pair?

Not with standing taking other peoples children away. Or bunting the teen off on another family.

SMH

codswallopandbalderdash · 28/01/2018 15:15

This thread is batshit. DD is 14 cannot be left alone so has to go

And so what DH said 'spoiled bitch' in private? Perhaps not the best term but if he'd said ' spoiled girl' I bet some posters would be complaining about a condescending them

Particular liked the thread about going on 'intrepid' holidays ... not everyone has the ££ to do this sort of thing ... Maybe OP doesn't have a lot of choice about where to go for holidays because there are 5 people in the family and it isn't cheap to go on holiday over the summer.

Christ OP think you are getting a hard time over this. Next year don't bother organising a bloody holiday. See how they all like it then

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 28/01/2018 15:16

She is 14 years old, she goes with you, like it or not.

ThePinkOcelot · 28/01/2018 15:17

No negotiation in this house. She’s 14, she does what she’s told. She goes! End of!

The way people are going on about bitch! You would think he had said cunt or something!

MadMags · 28/01/2018 15:18

Maybe you should worry less about your holiday, OP, and more about why you’re letting this man treat your daughter like that.

MadMags · 28/01/2018 15:19

The way people are going on about bitch! You would think he had said cunt or something!

So because cunt is worse, bitch is fine?

Advance search is your friend.

BattleCuntGalactica · 28/01/2018 15:21

I love how the OP has pretty much abandoned the thread already.

There are rather a lot of mangled buns strewn about to be fair.

Lizzie48 · 28/01/2018 15:21

Ok, if the DH isn't the DD's father, that puts a completely different spin on things. It was therefore a horrible thing to say, and a horrible criticism of the OP's parenting.

In that case, maybe your DD could stay with a friend or with grandparents? I think her feelings should be listened to. If her stepdad is resenting her then it will be a very difficult week for her.

Jenna43 · 28/01/2018 15:22

Why do people pick on one tiny unrelated element of a thread

Sooo annoying isn't it? It makes them feel like perfect parents to say "Oh that's shocking, I would never do that.

OP, your DD is only 14, she doesn't get to dictate what's happening regarding holidays etc.

Fattymcfaterson · 28/01/2018 15:22

Advance search is your friend

Or how about we just keep out responses aimed at the question asked. Not turn into fucking columbo.

DD goes with you, unless you feel comfortable with her staying with grandparents etc. Basically it's your decision OP. Not your DD

speakout · 28/01/2018 15:23

No negotiation in this house. She’s 14, she does what she’s told. She goes! End of!

You see we don't work like that as a family.

Parents as dictators laying down the law. Everyone is listened to, we talk, compromises made- especially when it should be a fun activity like a holiday.
Some things are not negotionable like a trip to the dentists, but we have had some great holidays from out of the box suggestions from younger family members.

Personally I would have to self medicate to go on a caravan holiday for the 6th time.

Especially with a step father who has zero respect for her.

In fact that is probably the root of the problem.

I am 100% behind your DD. She sounds like one of the most adult members of the family.

speakout · 28/01/2018 15:24

It doesn't take advanced search to figure out this dick isn't the girls father.

Jenna43 · 28/01/2018 15:24

I do think with older children it is always nice to involve them in the planning. I can understand a 14 year old not being excited at being told where they are going without any prior discussion

In other words 'spoiled'. Since when do 14yo children get a say in where they're going on holidayConfused.

stickytoffeevodka · 28/01/2018 15:25

Why is everyone so adamant that 14yos should always do exactly as their parents dictate with no room for compromise?

She's 14, not 4. If she doesn't want to go on holiday with her parents and another option is available, why can't she do that instead?

MadMags · 28/01/2018 15:26

It hardly takes “fucking Columbo” to know something isn’t right here. Hmm unless you’re exceptionally thick, which I’m sure nobody here is.

Anyway, it seems to be OP’s modus operandi to start a thread and then disappear so this is all probably largely useless.

MiddleClassProblem · 28/01/2018 15:26

Is it France or the caravan that’s rebooked?

BattleCuntGalactica I just caught a brioche!

youarenotkiddingme · 28/01/2018 15:27

I'm laughing so hard at 14yo being included in discussion and only agreeing something she wants.

She's 14!

At that age we had only afforded camping in France for 3 years. (I am eldest) we went to same place every year. Many of my friends families couldn't afford a holiday and some had better holidays.

I can well imagine my parents reaction if I told them the holiday they worked hard to pay for wasn't acceptable. And I'd have deserved the reaction too.

SlothMama · 28/01/2018 15:28

I can see both sides, when I was a teenager I was forced to go onto the same holiday at least 3 times a year, stuck in a small caravan with my brother and parents wasn't how I wanted to spend my holidays. My Nan offered on multiple occasions to look after me so I could spend time with my friends and not miss out on trips with them.

But no I was forced into the tiny caravan with no activities catered to anyone but what my parents wanted to do. No compromises at all.

But they did pay for the holiday, however I will never do the same to my children. The holiday should be enjoyed by all.

crashbangwhallop · 28/01/2018 15:33

Your DH sounds like a prize bellend and there's no way I'd be okay with him putting my DD down like that. I suspect she's not really that bothered about the "style" of the holiday more about what she's being forced to go on holiday with, i.e. the jumped up prick who thinks it's okay to call her a spoilt bitch. Chances are she can't even tell you that because she thinks you'll allow it and not take her own feelings into consideration.

Jenna43 · 28/01/2018 15:33

Anyway, it seems to be OP’s modus operandi to start a thread and then disappear so this is all probably largely useless

I don't blame OP for abandoning her thread. She asked a question regarding her DD and it's now about her DP saying the word 'bitch'...not in front of the DD, not shouting it in DDs face...which is what you would swear happened going by some of these exaggerated replies. I've seen this happening more and more lately and it's really annoying.

BertrandRussell · 28/01/2018 15:34

“No negotiation in this house. She’s 14, she does what she’s told. She goes! End of!“

Blimey. That sounds fun.

Jenna43 · 28/01/2018 15:35

I'm laughing so hard at 14yo being included in discussion and only agreeing something she wants

Grin Yeah, doesn't take a genius to work out that all the horrifed people are the ones with spoiled brats that dictate what goes on in their lives.

TheSnowFairy · 28/01/2018 15:37

I cocked up and have booked our holiday abroad over DS1's GCSE results day - he asked if he could stay home but we said no (away for 10 days). They will be emailed to us instead.

OP, your DD is too young to stay home.

Andrewofgg · 28/01/2018 15:37

DD must go. As for DH, context is all, and if it was said about her not to er it may be no more than an expression of the truth.

But did they both spoil her?

rothbury · 28/01/2018 15:39

I think it was a bit silly to only post half the story here OP.......

Given the back story, which I won't post, I think you should respect your DD wishes. Why can't she stay with friends or with her dad or other relatives?

Why on earth would anyone want to ruin their holiday by taking along a stroppy 14 year old who Does Not Want To Be There? Just to be powerful and in control?

Jenna my DC have always had a say in where we go on family holidays, even when they were very little. I thought it was usual to go through brochures together, say this one looks nice - that one doesn't look like it has many sun loungers, this one has a kids club, blah blah. We decided together. Now they are older teens/20s we all put five destinations on a piece of paper and the place that three of us have listed (there's always been one so far!) is the place we go to.

We have very happy holidays Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread