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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not ask if DSD can go to the party.

299 replies

Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:01

DSD (7) comes to us every weekend and 75% of school holidays.

This weekend DD (4) has a school friend’s party. I mentioned this to OH 2 weeks ago, anyway he’s asked me tonight if I can ask if DSD can go.

I feel a bit cheeky really. I’ve had to ask before, some people are okay about it and other people have just flatly said no, which I understand completely.

OH has some sheep as a hobby and tomorrow he was going to get them and in and worm them which is a job I’ve managed to do with DD many times and DSD would probably love helping as she’s very enthusiastic about most things but he’s saying he can’t manage and that if DSD can’t go then myself and DD can’t go either.

I feel it’s a bit shit of him really, DSD doesnt have to miss out on her friends parties etc and I’m not saying that she should but then neither should DD.

He’s been out working all day today and only got in about half an hour ago. Surely tomorrow would be nice for himself and DSD to have some one on one time together.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 27/01/2018 18:02

How come you need his permission to take your DD to a party?

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:03

I don’t need his permission and I’ll be going regardless, he’ll just have to manage. I just wanted to see if I was being unreasonable to not take DSD.

OP posts:
MadMags · 27/01/2018 18:03

Wtf? Take your dd to the party and let him parent his own child.

Wakeuptortoise · 27/01/2018 18:03

He is unreasonable.

gamerchick · 27/01/2018 18:03

No and neither would I be tolorating it either Hmm

I think I would be tempted to sleep elsewhere with the bairn tonight so he can’t lay the law down. Make a stand man!

Aeroflotgirl · 27/01/2018 18:04

Very cheeky and not on, the invite was for your dd, not dsd.that is his contact time with her, he should fit himself round her.

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:04

DSD had a massive meltdown about it when DD mentioned it and I don’t think that’s helped really.

OP posts:
MadMags · 27/01/2018 18:04

I can’t stand the entitlement of parents who decide extras should be brought to parties. It’s rude to even ask, IMO because you know you’re putting the other parent on the spot.

lunar1 · 27/01/2018 18:05

Not unreasonable at all, it's just not done to ask if extra siblings can attend a party. Puts the host in an awkward position.

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:05

THANK YOU! Exactly my train of thought too.

OP posts:
awankstainonhumanity · 27/01/2018 18:05

DSD isn't invited to the party and it would be cheeky ask. Your DH is being a dick.

Nanny0gg · 27/01/2018 18:06

It's a shame for DSD but it isn't her friend.

Does she get to go to parties when she's at her mum's? Does she have friends near you?

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal · 27/01/2018 18:06

Placeboooo Can I just clarify, you do mean are you being unreasonable not to ASK the parents of DD's school friend if your DSD can come to the party too, as opposed to simply not taking her, don't you?

MadMags · 27/01/2018 18:07

Huh?!

snowbellj · 27/01/2018 18:08

I guess your dh could ask the party Mum if he wants to?
But, no, you're not being unreasonable.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/01/2018 18:08

YANBU. wouldn't ask. I mean the parents will probably say as they'll be put on the spot.
However imagine if everyone asked if they could bring another child along.

What's worrying me though is the fact that your "d"h has said if your dsd can't go your dd can't go. He is always this controlling.

Popfan · 27/01/2018 18:08

I don't think it's up to him to call the shots! It would be cheeky to ask if DSD could go to the party. Also, I can't believe worming the sheep would take all day. Can't you just work the day so both things can happen?

Merryoldgoat · 27/01/2018 18:08

I went to a birthday party recently and was stunned as the mum was saying the catering was a bit tight because of all of the uninvited siblings that turned up. I was quite shocked that people do that!

Your DSD won't even really know anyone there and she's a lot older than them too. I wouldn't think taking her was a good idea at all.

SaucyJack · 27/01/2018 18:09

It's a complete no-no to ask- not least when you have 2 parents living in the home.

Your husband will just have get he fuck over himself and look after his older child on his own. Present it as a done deal, and don't give him the option to spoil it for your younger child.

GreenTulips · 27/01/2018 18:09

I have 3 kids - more often than not one got an invite - they went.

We had a few strops in the early days as young kids do, but now they just accept it's not their turn.

Just say no! I'm sure DSD doesn't want a 4 year old gate crashing her friends parties.

TrinitySquirrel · 27/01/2018 18:09

Your husband is a CF, OP. And so is his daughter (without the F) for throwing a tantrum over it.

Your D was invited. That's the end of it really.

I'd be pissed if parents asked about siblings attending unless they were friends of my child too.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 27/01/2018 18:10

No, of course you can't bring another child. In all probability all the invited guests have siblings; but the invitation is extended to the named child only and siblings are not welcome unless specifically stated.
I'm cringing at the "I've had to ask before"... Why would you?

duckyquackers · 27/01/2018 18:11

I've not reached the stage of parties yet but I can't believe some people ask to bring siblings!!!
Wtf?! That's so rude to ask. I didn't go to my siblings parties and I'm not scarred by it! If anything it meant we got a treat and we're taken to do something fun!
YADNBU! He's being a bit of an arse!

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:11

She goes to parties over at her mums and she still has some friends over here and goes to their parties too.

No he isn’t at all, he usually asks if I can ask the parents (which I HATE doing) but he’s under a lot of stress and pressure at the moment. Not that it give him an excuse to be a twat but it’s a reason.

OP posts:
Mumoftwoyoungkids · 27/01/2018 18:11

Surely dsd is with you in order to spend time with her dad.

If he is working today and doing his hobby tomorrow then when does she get to do that?