To not ask if DSD can go to the party.

[Placeboooooooo]

DSD (7) comes to us every weekend and 75% of school holidays.

This weekend DD (4) has a school friend’s party. I mentioned this to OH 2 weeks ago, anyway he’s asked me tonight if I can ask if DSD can go.

I feel a bit cheeky really. I’ve had to ask before, some people are okay about it and other people have just flatly said no, which I understand completely.

OH has some sheep as a hobby and tomorrow he was going to get them and in and worm them which is a job I’ve managed to do with DD many times and DSD would probably love helping as she’s very enthusiastic about most things but he’s saying he can’t manage and that if DSD can’t go then myself and DD can’t go either.

I feel it’s a bit shit of him really, DSD doesnt have to miss out on her friends parties etc and I’m not saying that she should but then neither should DD.

He’s been out working all day today and only got in about half an hour ago. Surely tomorrow would be nice for himself and DSD to have some one on one time together.

AIBU?

He's being an arsehole and I would be furious that he thinks he can dictate to you over taking dsd to the party, or else. At 7 years old I'm sure she can poke about in a hedge or something for half an hour while he sorts out the sheep. Jesus christ

I cannot believe some parents sense of entitlement these days. As others have said the invite is for the person named on the invitation and I cannot believe you have even asked previously if your dsd could attend a party which your dd was invited to, makes me cringe.
A bug bear of mine is when giving out birthday cake or party bags and children ask if they can have one for their siblings. No, they were not invited and there is not enough to go round, although I have never put it as bluntly as that. Am sure some parents put them up to it.

Did it all go ok OP?

We got there eventually, DSD had a massive strop before we went and slapped DD across her face so hard that she now has bruises. I lost my rag and told OH what I thought of him and his favouritism, I also asked him if he was proud of the monster he had created as a result, not my proudes moment I’ll admit but there’s an element of truth there.

It to the party, had a lovely time, got home, DD aren’t to her bedroom to find that DSD had pulled all of her clothes out of her drawer, broken 2 of her Christmas presents and drawn all over the walls.

Pretty pissed off to be honest.

I'd be livid! What do you think you'll do?

What? That's appalling behaviour. I hope her father has had stern words with her. I wouldn't be taking her anywhere from now on.

Plus I would be clear with my OH that I would be telling school/nursery exactly how the bruises came about. Don't cover that up and potentially end up in trouble yourself.

What was your DH doing while all this was being acted out?

Oh yes I’ll be telling them what’s happened! Unfortunately it’s not the first time either which is a bit of a worry!

Apparently he didn’t realise she’d done it. He’d been downstairs making them some lunch and had (reasonably) assumed that she’s be able to play in their room nicely while he did that.

Where was DH when this happened? How did he punish her?

What's he saying now?

Oh and I'd send her home with some pictures of the damage!

What the living hell??!! That's vile behaviour.
Set aside that she's your SD, if she was your biological child you wouldn't be standing for it and for her own benefit as much as yours.

What is your 'D' H doing about this?? Made a rod for his own back here hasn't he!

Why would op "send her home with pictures of the damage"? Her mother wasn't there - her father was.

So where has your husband been while she tearing through DD room and smashing her things?
First thing I would be doing is getting SD to clean up what she has created. She can help fold the clothes and wipe the walls down. The presents would be replaced from any pocket money she gets.
The slapping round the face is absolutely awful. I would be beyond furious. I do think your DH and her mother need to coordinate on how they will be helping their daughter cope with these feelings of jealousy (clearly the issue) and her anger. Is she generally a pleasant child when she gets her way, or is she always unhappy and angry?

I wouldn't allow DSD back into your home until DH has fixed all the damage in the room, replaced the presents and made DSD to do chores to help 'pay' for them, and come to some agreement re counselling for her, and agreeing to never leave her alone with 4 year old DD again.

This is serious.

He has to be made to see that.

I would consider leaving him over this and taking your DD if he doesn't see that there's a serious problem here.

Tell him no she can't go and enjoy your afternoon at your DDs friends party.

Ffs!

ok something has badly gone wrong in the relationship between your DD and your DSD. Siblings squabble and fight (mine certainly do) but that damage is not something I would ever let happen. And that is the key isnt it siblings fight and behaviour can escalate but that level means that your DH did not do anything

your DH has caused this

SOrry, wrong thread!

Tell him that if coming from a ‘broken home’ is what it takes to get equal treatment for DD, you’d be happy to oblige...

What does "it's not the first time either!" mean, op? Not the first time your dad has left bruises on your dd??

Oh dear, what a naughty spoilt thing to do. Even if they lived together full time as siblings she would have to accept she wasn't invited to that party, it wasn't her friend, therefore she wasn't going. She's not a baby, 7 is too old for this type of behaviour about a party.
I hope she got a suitable punishment for trashing her sisters stuff.

Wow, What did he do when dsd slapped her across her face and drew on the walls and broke her toys?
I actually feel really sorry for your daughter.