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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not ask if DSD can go to the party.

299 replies

Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:01

DSD (7) comes to us every weekend and 75% of school holidays.

This weekend DD (4) has a school friend’s party. I mentioned this to OH 2 weeks ago, anyway he’s asked me tonight if I can ask if DSD can go.

I feel a bit cheeky really. I’ve had to ask before, some people are okay about it and other people have just flatly said no, which I understand completely.

OH has some sheep as a hobby and tomorrow he was going to get them and in and worm them which is a job I’ve managed to do with DD many times and DSD would probably love helping as she’s very enthusiastic about most things but he’s saying he can’t manage and that if DSD can’t go then myself and DD can’t go either.

I feel it’s a bit shit of him really, DSD doesnt have to miss out on her friends parties etc and I’m not saying that she should but then neither should DD.

He’s been out working all day today and only got in about half an hour ago. Surely tomorrow would be nice for himself and DSD to have some one on one time together.

AIBU?

OP posts:
CurlyBlueberry · 27/01/2018 18:12

Yanbu. I've only asked when in a pinch for childcare, and mine are only 19mo apart. Glad you're saying no to him.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 18:15

No he isn’t at all, he usually asks if I can ask the parents (which I HATE doing)

Why would you ever do that??

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:15

I know when DD had her party, quite a lot of her friend’s siblings came along too (parents hadn’t had asked before hand either) and I wasnt really bothered. But I can see exactly why some people would be!

OP posts:
Uterusuterusgarlic · 27/01/2018 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 18:15

I’ve remembered requests like this and left those kids off future invitations. It’s so, so rude.

Allthewaves · 27/01/2018 18:17

Where is the party? If it's a softplay/play centre then i'd take her otherwise her dad needs to take care of her

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/01/2018 18:18

Now I can understand a 4 year old baby kicking off and throwing a tantrum because her step sister is going to a party and she isn't. Let's imagine for a minute we're all 4 years old.
I mean children aren't going to worry about where the extra party food is coming from and that she won't know anyone there.
It's just black and white to children.
However it's the grown man throwing his rattle out of his pram that I'm non plussed by.

RavenWings · 27/01/2018 18:19

Yanbu, uninvited siblings are just that - uninvited. Does a 7 year old really want to be hanging out with a pack of strange 4 year olds anyway? Far better for her and her dad to do something together.

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:19

DSD still throws tantrums like a toddler I’m afraid. Probably because she is so used to getting her own way.

The last few time he’s asked me to ask I’ve just bull shitted and said I’ve asked and the parents said no. I agree it’s extremely rude, I’ve done it twice a couple of years ago and it makes me cringe to think back.

The last time DSD had a tantrum because she didn’t get a party bag and that was the absolute last straw for me.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 27/01/2018 18:24

He probably hates her being upset, not unreasonable in itself but we all have to go through that with kids, just a bit harder I think when you don''t have them all the time. Completely unacceptable to spoil it for your daughter.

WhyteKnyght · 27/01/2018 18:24

YANBU.

Either he does the sheep some other time, or he looks after DSD while he does them and she can help him, or he finds alternative childcare for her for a few hours while he does it. Can't he arrange a playdate for her for the afternoon with one of her schoolfriends or similar? Presumably she'd have more fun with another 7 year old than she'd have at a random pre-schooler's birthday party? There's a big age gap between 4 and 7 when it's a class party.

Idontdowindows · 27/01/2018 18:25

So, tell him a) he can ask himself in the future and b) no fucking way are you and your daughter not going if he cannot be arsed to put arrangements in place for his own blooming daughter.

Even in non-blended families not all siblings are invited to all parties!

grannytomine · 27/01/2018 18:26

Just realised I got theages the wrong way round in my head, at 7 she shouldn't be having tantrums about this sort of thing and it isn't good to give in to it. Having said that I was one of the mums who always ended up with extra kids at parties.

Beamur · 27/01/2018 18:26

YANBU

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/01/2018 18:27

Oh she's 7. Sorry i takə that back then

FrancisCrawford · 27/01/2018 18:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 18:28

Having said that I was one of the mums who always ended up with extra kids at parties.

Ended up with, or decided to bring?! How do you end up with extra kids at a party??

Lucymek · 27/01/2018 18:29

What pressure is he under ?

You said the sheep were a hobby does he also work is that where the pressure is from?

Surely if he doesn't have time to look after his daughter he should tell her mum she won't be coming this weekend or priorise his time with his daughter over his sheep.

Don't ask or take her to the party it's very cringe for everyone.

Good luck Smile

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/01/2018 18:29

I understand that he's under pressure, with the sheep etc., but that doesn't give him the right to put you under pressure.
If he wants his daughter to go to the party, hand him the phone and number, and he can ask his self.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 27/01/2018 18:30

In a pinch for childcare, CurlyBlueberry? Shock. Why would you see a party as a convenient source of childcare for an uninvited sibling?

Butterymuffin · 27/01/2018 18:31

Tell him it's time he properly parented his own child for once, instead of expecting others to pick up the slack at the last minute.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 27/01/2018 18:31

Do you have to stay at the party with DD? I know 4 is young to be left but perhaps if there was another parent she was close to who could look after her, then you could drop DD off and you and DSD could come back and help DH with the sheep? If it's all going well with the sheep, you could leave DSD with DH and if DH can't cope, then you just take her back to pick DD up?

Younger siblings at 4 year old birthdays are less of an issue than older siblings, I think..

diddl · 27/01/2018 18:31

If he wants her to go he should at least be asking himself!

Of course you don't take her!

Bet she doesn't have to drag an univited 4yr old with her anywhere!

HolyShet · 27/01/2018 18:33

Of course she doesn't get to go to the party, and no way should you ask but I can kind of understand a 7 year old's disappointment at having to watch her dad worm some sheep whilst her half sister gets to do something actually nice, with a parent who seems interested in her. Poor kid, no wonder she's tantrummy.

Can't he deal with the sheep at some other point over the weekend and take her to the park and for a hot chocolate or something less grim than animal husbandry.

CurlyBlueberry · 27/01/2018 18:34

Iamagreyhound I don't mean leaving them. They were only 3 and 4 at the time. I meant I didn't have anyone to leave the other sibling with. It wasn't a soft play/pay-per-head place - in that instance I'd just say neither could go.