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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not ask if DSD can go to the party.

299 replies

Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 18:01

DSD (7) comes to us every weekend and 75% of school holidays.

This weekend DD (4) has a school friend’s party. I mentioned this to OH 2 weeks ago, anyway he’s asked me tonight if I can ask if DSD can go.

I feel a bit cheeky really. I’ve had to ask before, some people are okay about it and other people have just flatly said no, which I understand completely.

OH has some sheep as a hobby and tomorrow he was going to get them and in and worm them which is a job I’ve managed to do with DD many times and DSD would probably love helping as she’s very enthusiastic about most things but he’s saying he can’t manage and that if DSD can’t go then myself and DD can’t go either.

I feel it’s a bit shit of him really, DSD doesnt have to miss out on her friends parties etc and I’m not saying that she should but then neither should DD.

He’s been out working all day today and only got in about half an hour ago. Surely tomorrow would be nice for himself and DSD to have some one on one time together.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Annechristmas · 27/01/2018 19:01

If dealing with the sheep is only going to take 30mins and the party isn't until 11am why doesn't he just see to them before you leave for the party.

RadioGaGoo · 27/01/2018 19:01

That's a shame Madmags, about not inviting children whose parents have been CF in the past. It's not the child's fault.

Namechangetempissue · 27/01/2018 19:02

He only has to worm 50 sheep and he is being that pathetic and controlling over you and DD going to a party? Like fuck would I be pandering to a grown, sulky man by helping him out before the party with his hobby just so he MIGHT then be ok with you going. Why can't HE get up a little earlier, sort his sheep and be back for DSD? They can go somewhere together.
Just go. I wouldn't even entertain discussing it further and I wouldn't lie and say I had asked either. It is a party for 4 year olds, not (to the party child) a random 7 year old.

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 19:03

Oh I’m not doing his sheep. And I’m not taking DSD either. He’s just gonna have to get on with it. He managed before and he’ll manage again!

What does CF mean?

OP posts:
Namechangetempissue · 27/01/2018 19:05

CF -Cheeky Fucker

Good for you! Have a great time. DON'T be swayed!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/01/2018 19:06

Cheeky fucker

Glad your not doing his sheep or taking her, sounds like they both need a good dose of cop on

SheepyFun · 27/01/2018 19:07

You've (reasonably!) not said what kind of party it is, but when we had DD's 5th (and 4th and 3rd) birthday parties, they were at home. Our home isn't that big, so she was told 10 people only. She wanted to invite more, but we really couldn't accommodate them. You may imagine how I'd feel if you/your DH asked; I'd either have to decide if we could squeeze in one more, leaving my DD to wonder why she couldn't invite another friend, or I could say no to you, thus possibly offending you. Not a position I'd like to be put in!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 27/01/2018 19:12

nocabbage has it right.

MadMags · 27/01/2018 19:15

That's a shame Madmags, about not inviting children whose parents have been CF in the past. It's not the child's fault.

It is a shame but honestly couldn’t be arsed dealing with those types of people! It’s not the kids faults but it’s not mine either, IYSWIM.

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 19:18

There’s going to be a bouncy castle and just a few party games I think. It’s someone in DD’s class so predominantly 4 & 5 year olds.

OP posts:
CottonGoods · 27/01/2018 19:20

Why would a seven-year-old want to go to a party full of four-year-olds? Extras at parties are a pain in the proverbial. It's your DH who's being unreasonable here.

Nikephorus · 27/01/2018 19:21

The last few time he’s asked me to ask I’ve just bull shitted and said I’ve asked and the parents said no.
That's the obvious solution then. You've 'asked' - the fact that you asked Mumsnet is irrelevant - and the answer was no. Job done.

TheHolidayArmadillo · 27/01/2018 19:33

This is totally missing the point of the thread, but what a fantastically obscure hobby Grin, you've completely put all the people whose hobbies would be "outing" to shame here Grin

greendale17 · 27/01/2018 19:33

It's a shame for DSD but it isn't her friend.

^This

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 19:34

Armadillo we have a few cows too.

OP posts:
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 27/01/2018 19:38

My on/off friend has a blended family of 3 boys, the youngest being my daughters age. The older two (2 and 4 years older) were always tagging along to parties, winning all the games, criticising the party, piling up huge plates of food, pigging out on the party food, and having tantrums at the end when it was time to go.

The youngest boy is really well behaved but his older step-brothers are so spoilt. They act very immature for their ages but are so much biggger than the other children. I think they act up when they're at their dad's though.

I think the age difference spoils it for the other children with older children gatecrashing. When the extra party guests are younger I think the impact is less.

NotReadyToMove · 27/01/2018 19:40

The way I look at it.
Dd and dad are siblings. You don’t normally take an older sibling to a party the other child has been invited to.

That means dd goes to the party and dsd stays with her dad. Like any other siblings.

Idontdowindows · 27/01/2018 19:42

what a fantastically obscure hobby

Where I live, every other family has hobby sheep :D

RowenasDiadem · 27/01/2018 19:42

I'm taking my dc to a party tomorrow and even though I have another child at a similar age, they are not invited and shall not be going! It's extremely rude to take uninvited guests to parties. DSD need to know learn that just because she wants to go, it's not her who gets to decide. DH needs to man up and handle his own child. Go and take DD!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/01/2018 19:52

its your 4yr dd friends party

they wont want 7yr siblings there

its a HUGE sin to ask if siblings can come

tho if dsd is with you every weekend,does that means she misses out on her schoolfrieds parties ,or do you/dh take her

Loyaultemelie · 27/01/2018 19:53

We have hobby sheep tbf, actually we once ended up taking one of them to a party (only at pick up time but that kind of thing only seems to happen to me!

FitBitFanClub · 27/01/2018 19:55

That's a whole other thread! Grin
AIBU to ask if I can bring my sheep to a whole-class party?

BewareOfDragons · 27/01/2018 19:56

Tell your DH to grow up. He can manage the sheep and his 7 year old.

You've done it with a 4 year old.

It sounds like he really does need to get over himself, as does his daughter. He and her mother are doing her no favours in life if they're allowing her to strop like a toddler regularly and caving in to all her demands for an easy life.

Original poster
Placeboooooooo · 27/01/2018 19:56

No, a lot of her school friend’s parties are through the week, she often talks about parties she’s been to etc.

Every once in a while (probably every two months or so) she’ll have a party over at her mums so she’ll stay over there for the weekend if it’s on a Saturday. If it’s on a Sunday then she’ll one to us for Friday night, Saturday night and Sunday morning then go to the party.

OP posts:
runningoutofjuice · 27/01/2018 19:57

I'm surprised he hasn't asked you to get the party moved to a more convenient time. Sheep come first and absolutely must be wormed between 11 and 1.

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