To keep this a secret?

[ReadyorNot18]

Not as interesting as the title suggests!
Basically, I had driving lessons throughout last year, I had 2 tests which I failed! I seem to be absolutely fine on all my lessons and they seem an absolute waste of time because my instructor said theres no more to teach me. I just seem to completely flake on the test and make stupid panicky mistakes! I can't have private practice outside of using an instructor because I don't have a car or anyone to take me.
My theory test expires in July this year and I REALLY want to pass my test before this runs out and I have to start from the beginning again.
Everyone I know drives and I'm 32 this year and still have to walk my daughter everywhere in all weathers which she's miffed about when all her friends are dropped off here there and anywhere.
I've texted my instructor this week to see if he can fit me In to do some more lessons, he's advised me to book my test in again for May and start back with him at the beginning of March.
So my AIBU is....can I keep this to myself and not tell anyone at all, including DH, (he would be at work when I take my lessons) I can't stand the thought of coming home and saying I failed again, or telling friends and family, its embarrassing! I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get through the test, I've had the rescue remedy, the banana before test, the lucozade to keep me alert, I just mess it up big time.
I think I know if I don't pass before my theory expires ill walk away from it- literally and be walking for a long time after!
Has anyone else found learning to drive as one of the hardest things they've done? I've hated it because I feel like a massive failure at it but it's so frustrating because I know if I pass, my life will become so much easier!

I was the same. It took me five times to pass my driving test. Please don't give up, because one day they'll say "congratulations..." best thing I ever did and I came so close to giving up, so many times.

My sister took beta blockers and I know someone else who went for hypno therapy and both passed. Go for it.

I was exactly the same. Failed three times then changed to an automatic car. Gears were one less thing to think about and I passed.

Don't put off starting again until March. Change instructors if you need to and start as soon as possible. Good luck!

I failed two tests and passed on the third as did my daughter. Don’t worry too much about it as you will pass eventually. Keep it secret if it helps take the pressure off but try not to let the views of other bother you and just focus on the actual driving. Good luck.

No you're not being unreasonable. It may just add to the stress if you do, though. I learnt later than most too. Started when I had two children, finally passed, fourth time, after I'd had another. Among other things, that meant that I slowed down ridiculously as soon as I saw any small children near the road. My last instructor wasn't very nice and said he didn't want to see me again. I realised it was mutual and passed. Four times I think. Humiliated but finally able to do it. So hold your head up, positive thinking, and practise going forwards and backwards, left and right on a child's pedal car if necessary (it did help). Good luck.

I’ll give you a tapping session on Skype and you’ll walk it! Have helped soooo many people with exam nerves...! Honestly.

I sympathise I had 4 tests, extremely nervous every time, changed instructors to a elderly man who had previously been an examiner, he somehow managed to get it through to me.

He said to me, if you pass today will you enter a competition for me at a local show, thinking this was impossible I said of course I will. Passed and had to enter learner driver of the year, I only bloody won and had my face plastered all over the local newspaper, the shame.

I passed on my 6th attempt. I wasn’t a bad driver just nervous. On my 2nd test I knew I’d failed at reversing around a corner so drove Linus nerves for the rest of the test. Back at the test centre the examiner said that he couldn’t understand me having failed a reversing manoeuvre when I’d completed a reverse park so perfectly after I knew I’d failed. Finally, my instructor gave me kalms before my test. Obviously these helped. That was over 20 years ago now 😳

I passed on my 5th attempt when I was 33, like you I went to pieces on the test and made silly mistakes. I went through 5 driving instructors, passed my theory test 3 times! In the end my wonderful step father gifted me a little car he inherited and I drove it every day, my instructor gave me lessons in my car and I passed in it, it was an Aygo and was a fab first car. I’m a confident driver now, happy on the motorway commuting to work.
Wishing you lots of luck.

I read all the way down to your post about the car being your DH’s work car, but not the rest, so sorry if I’m repeating something, but I just wondered if DH has actually made enquiries about you being allowed to drive it or if you’re both just assuming you wouldn’t be allowed?

If that’s a definite no, have you considered buying a car now & taking lessons in that and driving loads with DH? I mean, obviously you’re planning on buying a car or there’s not a lot of point in getting your licence, so why not just do it now?

I agree with the other points too - ditch the banana/lucozade/blah blah you’re hyping yourself up & get a new instructor, it’ll help loads.

I have a lot of sympathy for people learning as adults. I learnt and got my licence at 15 (overseas) it’s SO much easier when you know everything 🤣.

This is what I did :) I passed 4th time on June the 1st 1 month before my theory expired it’s almost exactly your situation I just kept it secret so I didn’t need to tell anyone that I had failed and it was so pressure free I also just relaxed and had a laugh with the test guy who was lovely in the end good luck you’re not alone!!

I've just got out of the theory test centre and I've failed my bike test on hazard perception. I've been driving a car for ten years. Slightly worrying 😲

I passed my test in 1995. Took 100’s of lessons with this female instructor and had 3 tests which I failed with her. First the tester thought I was too close to a parked car, second I was too hesitant and third I pulled out from a roundabout when it wasn’t clear. I took some months off, my dad booked me in with a different school. Bloke turns up at my house one day and takes me out for half an hour, tells me I’m just nervous and he can get me through. He turned up 90 mins early on test day and had last minute practice. For the life of me I couldn’t parallel park all that time. Pull up outside of test station and I’m a crying wreck. He says you’ve paid for it, just go out there and try. No pressure, just get out there. Tester sat next to me had the reputation of hating women drivers so I thought “f**k it” got 7 minors and did it on my 4th try. If you’ll feel less pressure then don’t tell anyone. Only you know what is right for you. My advice is like I was told by my tutor. Once you’ve paid for your test that’s it, your money is gone. Go out and just drive as you’ve been taught. Don’t think of anything else apart from you and the traffic. Be easy on yourself and have fun. Failing knocks your confidence but you just need to focus on yourself (and the other cars obviously, that how accidents happen lol) good luck and don’t give up

My aunt drives for her living and is the safest driver I know. Never had even a near miss in 20 years. Turns out it took her 11 (yes, eleven!) tests to pass due to nerves. I’m sure it won’t take you that long.
And yes, if you feel it will help, keep the lessons and test a secret and go to the test with no pressure because no one but you will know the result until you choose to tell them.

Hi, as others have said, after I failed a couple of times, I then had a different driving instructor, from the same driving School. It helped a lot, I think I had found that I had been unduely worried by the driving examiner, I think I hadn’t been used to someone different sitting next to me. I had more lessons, as practice helped tremendously, AND I didn’t tell my family when I booked in and successfully completed the final test!

Good luck, am sure you’ll do well 🌺

Another who failed twice,changed instructors and quickly pass next test,I had moved home too so didn't know the town or roads.

Hi OP even if something seems to go wrong on your test, how you handle it is critical. I stalled four times on my test but because I dealt with it correctly I still passed (this was 1987 mind).

I have a lorry licence and even on that test I did two things that I thought ‘oh, fuck, that may be a fail’, including one that happened straight out of the yard (wrong lane to turn right, didn’t realise two lanes were dedicated right turns and I was in the outer one) but again I communicated to the examiner by saying ‘Oh, there are two right turn lanes here!’ and then held back to let the inner traffic go first.

It’s acknowledging you may have made a mistake and then handling it safely (even whilst still thinking ‘Fuck it, I’ve well blown it now!’) that’s important.

If you don't think that you can your nerves under control in time, please consider going for a few hypnotherapy sessions! They've worked for a few friends. I tried everything in the run up to mine - and my nerves got the better of me first time too. Good luck!!