To keep this a secret?

[ReadyorNot18]

Not as interesting as the title suggests!
Basically, I had driving lessons throughout last year, I had 2 tests which I failed! I seem to be absolutely fine on all my lessons and they seem an absolute waste of time because my instructor said theres no more to teach me. I just seem to completely flake on the test and make stupid panicky mistakes! I can't have private practice outside of using an instructor because I don't have a car or anyone to take me.
My theory test expires in July this year and I REALLY want to pass my test before this runs out and I have to start from the beginning again.
Everyone I know drives and I'm 32 this year and still have to walk my daughter everywhere in all weathers which she's miffed about when all her friends are dropped off here there and anywhere.
I've texted my instructor this week to see if he can fit me In to do some more lessons, he's advised me to book my test in again for May and start back with him at the beginning of March.
So my AIBU is....can I keep this to myself and not tell anyone at all, including DH, (he would be at work when I take my lessons) I can't stand the thought of coming home and saying I failed again, or telling friends and family, its embarrassing! I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get through the test, I've had the rescue remedy, the banana before test, the lucozade to keep me alert, I just mess it up big time.
I think I know if I don't pass before my theory expires ill walk away from it- literally and be walking for a long time after!
Has anyone else found learning to drive as one of the hardest things they've done? I've hated it because I feel like a massive failure at it but it's so frustrating because I know if I pass, my life will become so much easier!

Wow Op i could have written this a few years ago! I failed 3 tests, always on manoeuvre never my actual driving which was absolutely frustrating as my instructor kept saying 'you are failing on something that you will hardly ever do in reality', and friends who have driven for years kept saging 'ooh I can't recall the last time i even did that manoeuvre!'. On my 4th test only DH knew and it was on the day my theory was due to expire so you would think the pressure was palpable, but I got up that test morning, did some stretches and deep, slow breathing and said out loud 'you can drive' over and over and when my instructor picked me up I hardly felt nervous and driving to test centre she said you've driven brilliantly. Sitting in test centre waiting to go we just spoke about things that made us laugh and I felt so calm as i got back in car. Thought I'd fluffed it at one point but just carried on, stayed focused and completed the test and was relieved when I was told I'd passed! good job I didn't let emotions get to me after I thought I'd failed, passed with 3 minors and nailed the manoeuvre I'd kept failing.
Also in my 30s. Good luck, keep calm, don't tell anyone if it makes you feel better about it and if you do fail you can always go for it again, don't make it seem as big as what it is.

No need to tell anyone how you're getting on, it will only pile on the pressure. Driving tests are hard - I learned to drive later in life, had two university degrees and everything, but it's a completely different skill set. I found that it is something that just clicks, and when you've got it, you've got it. When I went into the test I actually passed (...), I said to myself "You are in charge of the car, not the other way round." Somehow that got me through it!

By the way, my parents had a cake ready for when I passed...but they kept it in the freezer!

Could you book a lesson with someone else? Or even a couple of people?
You might then not feel so anxious when you take your test with someone else too?

I told nobody when I booked and took my test. I called my DH and told him I had passed. He was understanding as to why I didn’t tell him I was doing it.

I have a friend who kept it secret (3rd time too) and passed!

May keep you calmer knowing the pressure isn't there as much.

Keep us updated. Good luck OP! X

try taking a bit/dose of 'rescue remedy' before your test it may be bunkum/placebo but it helped my DS pass his test on the first attempt
good luck if you do go for it

I had lessons with 2 instructors in my late teens, I didn't enjoy driving at all and never had a test. Age 24 I decided to give it another go but in an automatic, I didn't tell anyone but OH that I was having lessons 1. Because I didn't want people telling me not to pass in an automatic and 2. Because I knew I'd get sick of the comments like "when are you booking your test" or "have you passed yet"

I think I had my first lesson at the beginning of November and I passed in March first time with 1 minor.

I passed on attempt 6 () with flying colours and it was the only attempt I had told nobody about. My theory was that if nobody knew about it, it didn't count if I failed so the pressure was off.

@moosemama Did you faill for being hesitant just once? Because it seems unreasonable to me to fail someone based on that alone.

The first time I took my test I was incredibly nervous too. I also knew I wasn't ready. My nervousness caused me to nearly hit two children on bicyles. The examiner had to intervene. I was sure I had failed right then and there, but was allowed to continue. At that point I didn't think I should have been able to pass at all and I was so upset about the whole thing that I drover very poorly.

The next time I felt ready. I was still a little nervous, but I passed. Ofcourse the real learning starts after that, but I still feel that stres from a test should not impact your driving ability in a significant way. I feel that it is too soon. Then again driving schools have a habit of sending people to exams too soon. If people have to do it again and pay for extra lessons, that's of course more money for them than if they waited till people stood a better chance of passing.

I failed 4 tests aged 17, and gave up completely. I just went to pieces in the tests and decided I could never pass.

Then when I was pregnant with my first child, my DH persuaded me to try and learn again. I didn't even tell my instructor about the 4 failed tests as I didn't want him to label me a nervous driver. I felt bad lying to him and pretending to be a total beginner, but it worked well for me.

When my (5th!!) test was booked, I decided not to tell a single soul about it other than DH, and I honestly think it helped immensely. I passed despite being very nervous and it was a great feeling when I finally got to tell everyone!

And I never did tell my instructor that I actually passed 5th time, not 1st time

InternetHoopJumper it was just once, yes, but I hesitated for a long time at a very busy roundabout. I was almost back at the test centre and the examiner told me I would have passed with clean form if it hadn’t been for that, but because I hesitated so long people behind me could have become impatient and attempted a dangerous manoeuvre.

My instructor was seriously unhappy with about it.

I took lessons over 18 months and was definitely ready. I was doing a lot of the general household driving by the time I took my second test, so had a massive number of driving hours behind me. I only got nervous on tests. Since then I have been fine (other than some anxiety when we bought a new car, about having to reverse bay park a huge estate car with a tow bar when I was used to a tiny hatchback).

Within a couple of months of passing I had to start driving into the city several times a week to take my dc to hospital (I live semi-rurally, kind of between suburbia and the countryside, but learned and took my tests in a reasonable sized town). As you said, that was when the real learning started, as I had to deal with frankly scary driving on a regular basis from some people, on top of gridlocked traffic and phone gazing pedestrians stepping into the road without looking, etc. I cannot afford to be nervous or hesitant in traffic like that and I don’t find it hard to stay calm and keep my head.

I wouldn't go a month without having lessons, that makes no sense to me, if anything I'd be trying to do 2 or more lessons a week if possible and get another test booked asap. I wasn't a natural driver at all and it took me about 18 months of lessons to feel anywhere near ready to take my test. What helped me was having a patient instructor who didn't actually do mock tests etc, but gave really clear feedback on how each lesson had gone and areas I needed to improve on to be test ready.

After I failed my first test I didn't tell many people when my second was booked in for. In fact I think only DP and my best friend knew. I wasn't going to tell them but they tried to make plans with me for that day, so I ended up having to tell them why I couldn't. It definitely helped to not have everyone knowing. Good luck, you will get there!

Let me tell you about dd. She was word perfect on her highway code and on the mock theory tests never failed to get 100%.
Every time she sat the theory she failed. Seven times in all.
I wondered if she felt pressured, after every test dh would have a moan and say she was obviously not ready etc.

One day I took her aside and quietly mentioned my thoughts. I booked her theory and paid for it from my savings account rather than the joint and we told nobody. She went in and flew it.
Did exactly the same for her practical and she passed first time.

DH apologised and hadn't meant to be negative, but the pressure was there.

My point is, quietly book your lessons, book your test and tell nobody. Take the pressure off and relax. If you fail again who's to know. You can do this!

I did exactly what you are proposing and passed on 3rd attempt (the one that no one knew about). Go for it.

Top tip: book your test for a Sunday morning, there is next to nothing on the roads. This is how I passed after a fail and my sister cottoned on after 2 fails and passed. Good luck

I had over 80 lessons and passed on my third go. I did have to redo my theory. Have you tried changing test centres?

I did exactly that too, OP - advised by my instructor, I told no one at all about my 3rd test. It took the pressure off and the test went really well. I too reasoned that I wouldn’t even count it as a fail if I messed up.

Good luck!

I kept my third driving test secret and passed it. Good luck OP!

Do it. I passed eventually on my 8th go and I stopped telling anyone apart from my husband when my tests were after about the third. It takes the pressure off and stops those awful "so how did it go?" conversations.

I felt the exact same i did not tell anyone about my third exam because i would get myself so worked up. I passed third time! Woop

Took me 6 attempts, I despaired of ever passing. I keep the last one secret.

What about learning automatic? I passed first time on that after failing manual twice.

I passed first time but didn’t tell anyone when I was taking my test cos I knew I’d put myself under undue pressure.
Don’t tell anyone. Take the test. Nail it.
Good luck OP :)

So so sorry to hear what you are going through. I was in exact same spot 7 years and almost gave up. Passed with an automatic car on my 3rd test. I have since driven over over the UK and to various parts in Europe. If I could do it, you can do it. You just have ro keep trying and not give up and have faith in yourself. I wish you the very best

As a multiple driving test taker, I understands! Keep it to yourself if you can. That will be so satisfying to let people know when you pass and you will pass. Never give up x