To keep this a secret?

[ReadyorNot18]

Not as interesting as the title suggests!
Basically, I had driving lessons throughout last year, I had 2 tests which I failed! I seem to be absolutely fine on all my lessons and they seem an absolute waste of time because my instructor said theres no more to teach me. I just seem to completely flake on the test and make stupid panicky mistakes! I can't have private practice outside of using an instructor because I don't have a car or anyone to take me.
My theory test expires in July this year and I REALLY want to pass my test before this runs out and I have to start from the beginning again.
Everyone I know drives and I'm 32 this year and still have to walk my daughter everywhere in all weathers which she's miffed about when all her friends are dropped off here there and anywhere.
I've texted my instructor this week to see if he can fit me In to do some more lessons, he's advised me to book my test in again for May and start back with him at the beginning of March.
So my AIBU is....can I keep this to myself and not tell anyone at all, including DH, (he would be at work when I take my lessons) I can't stand the thought of coming home and saying I failed again, or telling friends and family, its embarrassing! I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get through the test, I've had the rescue remedy, the banana before test, the lucozade to keep me alert, I just mess it up big time.
I think I know if I don't pass before my theory expires ill walk away from it- literally and be walking for a long time after!
Has anyone else found learning to drive as one of the hardest things they've done? I've hated it because I feel like a massive failure at it but it's so frustrating because I know if I pass, my life will become so much easier!

I found it really really hard. Yes keep it a secret (I did for my second test - which was on my birthday!!) and good luck. Keep going, don't be put off - it will be worth it and you will be so proud of yourself when you finally get there. p.s. roundabouts were my bete noir.

It took me 2 years and 6 driving tests to finally pass, I didn't tell anyone from the 4th test onwards and it did help a bit, what really helped me was changing driving instructor after the 5th let down, I'd gotten too comfortable with him and I needed some tough love so asked around and got the number of a older man who was hard as nails on me, told me exactly where I was going wrong, once I passed he soften up and gave me a big cuddle! Good luck with your next test and just remember to be kind to yourself if it doesn't go the way you want it too

I passed in December, 3rd attempt. I was a bag of nerves (have anxiety anyway) and it really messed up my, otherwise fine, driving.
I had beta blockers from the doctor, they definitely helped calm me down.
My driving instructor gave me a tip - the examiner will often use the phrase “when you’re ready”. Use it to take a few deep breaths before moving off. That helped me massively. And don’t be afraid to talk to yourself about what you’re doing! It helps slow everything down so it’s not such a panic.
The best of luck to you! I didn’t tell anybody either

I feel for you - it's embarrassing when you have to tell people that you've failed yet again - especially when your DH tells you (and everyone else) that 'you can drive - you simply have to impress just one civil servant'.

It's up to you whether you want to or can keep it a secret. I failed a 5th test in March 2009 and DH said not to waste money on any more lessons so I just did all the driving to shops, etc and passed at the 6th attempt five months later. I put myself in the frame of mind of not getting uptight about it and sailed through. Best of luck.

My friend tells everyone she passed at her third attempt, she's forgotten that I know about the other two. I just smile.

Sounds fine to me.

I failed my first & didn't tell anyone about my second-took it, passed & then told people.

First my dad knew was as he was coming home & I drove past him alone & without L plates

Don’t know if you are doing manual or automatic but I was exactly the same when I was doing my driving test in a manual, I was perfect on my lessons but the pressure of he test would make stall then I’d get even more nervous etc, I needed to be able to drive to pass my probationary period for my new job at the time so the pressure was on, I decided to switch to automatic, I had about 7 lessons and I passed the automatic test first time, having a bit less to think about in the test helped me immensely. I did always plan to go back and do manual test once I had a bit more driving experience but I never did, there’s so much more choices on autos now and the price difference isn’t as ridiculous as it used to be, it’s so much easier I see no reason to do manual now. And by the way YANBU to keep the secret, good luck x

My BIL failed twice and the second time was because as he stopped at a junction, a pedestrian started to cross in front of him and slapped the bonnet of the car as he went past. The examiner said that he had to fail BIL because touching a pedestrian was an automatic fail, even though the pedestrian touched the car rather than the other way around! I really think the examiner should have ignored it - it's not exactly cheap to sit driving tests!

I passed mine first go with 10 minors - and the examiner had to shout 'wait!' at me when I was about to pull out around a bus that was indicating to move off. I was convinced I'd failed after that. I am still secretly sure that the only reason I passed was because I'd told him up front that I couldn't do the emergency stop because I was 4 months pregnant. I stopped the car at the test centre and he took his seatbelt off and said "Right." Pause. Sigh. "You have passed but I want you to go away and practice..." I didn't hear one thing I did wrong because I was so stunned that I'd passed!

Yes, definitely! I do this all the time with any test because the pressure is too much otherwise.

I passed first time, but I'm a shit driver. It's no reflection on how good you are!

I second keeping it a secret and trying a new instructor. I would also recommend asking your new instructor to do a mock test with you - my instructor did this and it was nerve-wracking, I would have failed if it had been a real test, but it meant that I was far less nervous for my real test the following week, which I passed!
Good luck

I failed a few times, can't remember if it was 2 or 3, kept fluffing up the parallel park but I remember on one failure the examiner saying to my instructor - book her straight back in for a retest, she was just too nervous, she's a great little driver! It gave me the confidence to know that if I could beat the nerves, I would pass and I did soon after. My instructor was lovely too and used to pick me up a few streets away from my work so that my students wouldn't see!

If it’ll help you pass then keep quiet. However, I think you need to seriously consider why you’re panicking and address that issue. If you are going to be easily panicked it’s probably right you haven’t passed

I passed first time but I honestly believe that it was because I didn't tell ANYBODY I'd booked it (apart from DH because I needed someone to sit in the car with me to drive to the test centre) - including my driving instructor! It was a bit awkward phoning him to cancel my next driving lesson.

You know yourself best. Me, the thing I lacked most was self belief and having my DH saying he knows I'm a good driver was exactly what I needed to hear over and over again. He told me passing is a numbers game. There is an element on luck on the day and when you reach a "passable" level you just need to keep taking the test. If you don't pass this time you'll have more experience under your belt and will probably pass the next time.

I passed age 29 on my 4th test!

Also the theory test thing is an artificial deadline in some ways. It's not that difficult or time consuming to take it again when you're already passed it once. I think you should keep plughing away now you've comevsomclose, or you'll have to start from further back a few years down the line. Good luck!

Of course you can, I did it and then drove to pick my husband up from work and gave him the shock of his life. It was great. Good luck I hope it goes well.

I had months and months of lessons ... Was only a bit younger than you. Needed to drive as my DS is disabled.

Passed on second attempt, told no one until after test. Also super nervous. I messed up reversing round a corner, but didn't hit anything. I said to instructor can I do it again, and he said up to me, so I did! Also made general chit chat which helped me relax. If I can do it, anyone can. Good Luck!

I think that's an excellent idea OP, no pressure then, but please don't give up. DD took 2 years and three tests to pass, it was just one of those things.

I think pretty much everyone passes in the end. Keep the whole thing quiet.

Good luck.

DH reckons he passed on his fourth attempt because he had come straight from work and dressed smartly in a suit and tie. He thought the examiner saw him in a different light and was more forgiving as he looked professional. He also thinks they felt sorry for him but I am not sure how what that's got to do with a suit. He was in his late 20s.

Hi, have you tried Kalms? I took these before my test and I passed .

I also told no one , and only told my husband because my instructor told me to , and he had to take time off work for it in the end ? It made me feel more relaxed because I wasn't under any pressure from anyone.

It took me 4 tests to pass and I only told my DH of the last one. What I do regret was giving up after three fails (in my early thirties) before finally passing in my late fifties.

On the morning of the test the weather was absolutely torrential and as I tuned out of the test centre onto a dual carriage way a water main burst and set up a fountain of water in the inside lane. I think I was so convinced I was going to fail because of the awful conditions I relaxed and it turned out OK

I passed 3rd time and I’m sure it’s because I didn’t tell anyone I was going to attempt it again so there was no pressure of anyone else’s expectations.

Yes you can totally keep it a secret. I passed 4th time aged 35. I did tell my DH but didn't tell anyone else about the final test.

I took rescue remedy which helped a bit with nerves.

Between my 3rd and 4th test my instructor took me round the test route a lot. They are not supposed to do the actual route but can get away with taking you round the general area I think. Familiarity with some tricky bits of the route (massive 5 lane roundabout, strange junctions etc) really made a difference.

I had some practice in my MIL's car the weekend before. I think that helped a lot. She had a small car that was easy to drive and was nice to me!

I did find learning to drive one of the hardest things ever... I also got very emotional about and was forever trying not to cry when I screwed stuff up!

But yes, sounds like 4th time's a charm for lots of people!

You are right though, the private practice definitely assists in a better chance of passing, I just don't have that option at the moment.
Can you not book a car that is for learning to drive and get your dh to take you out. Arnold Clarke do it here. You can book a car with dual controls. My dh did this with me.

I know this well sound harsh, but if your driving ability is so badly affected by being nervous that you can't pass a test, then your instructor is wrong. What if you were on your way to a job interview or the hospital after hearing one of your loved ones is seriously hurt?
You should be able to drive safely, even if you're emotionally affected by one event or another.

My advice to you is to change driving instructors. Maybe you could find an instructor from a different driving school who can put pressure on you while you drive so you learn to drive safely while stressed.

Driving is more than being able to operate a vehicle in normal traffic, you need to be able to deal with heavy traffic, other drivers fucking up and even your own state of mind. So definitely get a few more lessons, before taking the test again.

Good luck!

InternetHoopJumper, I disagree. The driving test is an unusual form of stress, which stems from feeling scrutinised whilst in close quarters with a stranger. It’s not the same as interview stress or driving to the hospital.

I found the driving test really stressful, but within a few weeks of passing my test kept calm whilst driving to A&E on my own with a screaming child in the back of my car. We were stuck in rush hour city traffic and the journey took an hour and a half, but I managed to remain calm and deal with numerous dangerous drivers trying to get around the traffic jams along the way. The situations are not comparible.

During the test I second guessed myself, questioning whether my judgement was right according to the examiner’s opinion. Hence a failure for going at the wrong time, as a result of worrying if I was being too hesitant and the next time a fail for being too hesitant. As a driver on my own I am careful, but decisive without the added element of stress from having to consider how someone else is judging my driving.