To keep this a secret?

[ReadyorNot18]

Not as interesting as the title suggests!
Basically, I had driving lessons throughout last year, I had 2 tests which I failed! I seem to be absolutely fine on all my lessons and they seem an absolute waste of time because my instructor said theres no more to teach me. I just seem to completely flake on the test and make stupid panicky mistakes! I can't have private practice outside of using an instructor because I don't have a car or anyone to take me.
My theory test expires in July this year and I REALLY want to pass my test before this runs out and I have to start from the beginning again.
Everyone I know drives and I'm 32 this year and still have to walk my daughter everywhere in all weathers which she's miffed about when all her friends are dropped off here there and anywhere.
I've texted my instructor this week to see if he can fit me In to do some more lessons, he's advised me to book my test in again for May and start back with him at the beginning of March.
So my AIBU is....can I keep this to myself and not tell anyone at all, including DH, (he would be at work when I take my lessons) I can't stand the thought of coming home and saying I failed again, or telling friends and family, its embarrassing! I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get through the test, I've had the rescue remedy, the banana before test, the lucozade to keep me alert, I just mess it up big time.
I think I know if I don't pass before my theory expires ill walk away from it- literally and be walking for a long time after!
Has anyone else found learning to drive as one of the hardest things they've done? I've hated it because I feel like a massive failure at it but it's so frustrating because I know if I pass, my life will become so much easier!

Hi, I was the same as you, I did book my test in secret, didn't tell my husband or anyone! If you can, consider going to the doctors for beta blockers just for your test, they help a lot! If you are ready for your test, can you book it earlier? That way you can get two tests in before July? Don't give up, I had to resit my theory test as it lapsed 2 years and it was fine, I went from giving up lessons in Feb after 2 failed tests, restarting them in August, resat theory in Sep and had test in December and passed! The things that helped me were not showing the examiner that I was shitting bricks and playing it cool! Another thing was really concentrating on just driving safely, you are allowed to make mistakes, just not dangerous ones.

If you go wrong following the sat nav, I think it is only a minor so don't panic, just ask the examiner to direct you and take the minor fault. If I can pass anyone can, I spent the morning of my test throwing up! another thing that helped was booking at the end of the day as they don't go too far and also in half term as it is quiet. Good luck, try not to give up, many people take the test 5+ times, just tell everyone you have given up so there will be no pressure.

Also consider passing in a automatic as a last ditch attempt, it is sooo much easier, you won't stall, you can just concentrate on driving. It's not for everyone but you can always resit in a manual at a later date if you want to .

I passed my test when I was 30 after several attempts when I was younger. I managed to get a cheap car before my test - when u are older the insurance is much cheaper. Went out with my best mate and my dad all the time - was so ready when the test came.
Could your other half take u out to get general experience? It really made a difference
And good luck xxxx

Sorry forgot to add. I have been driving for 44 years. So I hope my experience will help you immensely. Honestly that's how I got over my anxiety. Is I just drove to the best of my ability and not worry about anyone next to me. I really mean this. Because this is how I got over it. It is very hard to concentrate on someone next to you, but I was determined to pass my test. I am diagnosed with ADD. So doing something like this was very very hard for me.xxx

I took forever to pass my test - 7 fails! It was a standing joke.

What helped me was a tape (it was that long ago) called 'Pass your Driving Test with Self Hypnosis.' It was amazing, really changed my mindset without me really realising. I listened to it every night for two weeks and passed my 8th test easily.

Also meant to say I also found learning to drive really hard, I was definitely not a natural. The day I finally passed was one of the happiest in my life!

Good luck OP- hopefully you will get there soon, if I can do it anyone can!

I lost count how many times it took me, somewhere between 6-7. I jury lacked confidence during the tests. By the time the last one came around I just thought it's now or never and seemed to chill out and passed. Good luck to you!

OMG... are you me 15 years ago, OP?

I was in exactly the same boat as you (except I had failed 5 tests by this point...). I was a pretty good driver in my lessons (and am now) but, after failing the first test on virtually nothing, I completely fell apart in all subsequent tests (e.g. turning right when examiner said left, the wrong way up a one way street; going up the gears going up a hill, all the way up to 5th until the car juddered to a halt etc).

I eventually did exactly what you're thinking of - I booked my sixth test and told literally no one about it. Knowing that I didn't have to tell everyone again if I failed took the pressure off. Must have done the trick because I passed.

Weirdly, despite all the embarrassment and heartache at the time, passing my test after so many failures is one of the things I'm most proud of. I really feel good about my tenacity and dogged determination when I look back on it. I could have given up but I didn't and I feel all warm and fuzzy when I think about it (first time passers don't get that, do they?!). Keep on at it... you've got a long way to go to join my '6 times to pass' club!

I learned to drive and took my test in the U.S. where it is considered a God given right to drive. I actually failed my first test though because I pulled into traffic in front of an on-coming car. The tester screamed and grabbed the dash board and then told me to take him back to the office where he informed me I failed because I was dangerous.

The next week I took it again and it was revealed during that test I was incapable of parallel parking. I swore to the tester I would never attempt to parallel again for the rest of my life, and he said “Good enough” and passed me. Apparently I’d done so well on the rest of it I could afford to lose points on my inability to pp. I kept my promise and I have never tried to parallel parked. Never any tickets and its been 35 years now.

Oh I lied to people at work when I went to take my test. I told them I was going to the dentist. Less pressure if you don’t tell anyone.

Of course keep it to yourself. My nerves also got the better of me the first time so the second time I took my test I took a whole lot of Kalms tablets, herbal remedy. I was very relaxed, and looked confident and passed the test. I took more than the recommended dose so I don't know how you feel about that, but not enough to zone me out, just enough to calm my nerves. I was your age too when I took the test and believe it is more nerve racking for older people as youngsters seem to have the confidence to sail through it. My son passed first time at 19 years. Maybe have some lessons with a different instructor before hand though. And Goodluck.

My dd did just that, failed a couple then didn't tell anyone when her test was, went into it thinking well I failed the others so can't be any worse and passed. Don't tell anyone just go for it and good luck (I wasUchida older than you when I took mine )

I breezed my car test after a weeks intensive course but really struggled with my motorcycle test. Failed 3 times 🙈🙈 Bought a £10 hypnotherapy CD off eBay and passed with no minors 😀😀 It was the same examiner for my 3rd and 4th tests and he said I was like a different person on the bike. It’s worth a shot 👍🏻

Have only skimmed the thread so apologies if someone has already suggested this. I presume you are planning on getting a car when you have passed your test? Why not bring the purchase forward, and get your husband to sit in with you and just drive drive drive, everywhere you're going? I passed my test at 17, and I do think it's easier when you're younger, as you're less fearful! My DD passed hers first time, I passed second time. Sis has failed at least 4 times and won't even talk about it any more...

I know two people who passed in their early 40s and have a whole new lease of life! I couldn't cope with life as it is now if I couldn't drive. Just keep applying and applying, go for cancellations, keep it a secret if it helps. I didn't have practice between lessons when I was learning - my dad wouldn't let me drive his car!! - and it does hinder you. You just need to build up your confidence and hold your nerve, and you will get there! Good luck and happy motoring x

I passed fourth time, with beta blockers.

No shame in failing the test (although very expensive). I tell my kids about it as a lesson in perseverance.

And I'm so glad I didn't pass first time as I was NOT ready!

Totally not being unreasonable.
I need to post more in depth,or maybe start my own thread rather than derail but I'm keeping my driving secret.
Well not so much secret but low key. I've only told minimal people and very rarely discuss,particularly with dp.
I'm not too worried about my test(I only say that as it's miles off)as exam situations don't usually bother me. I hate being watched though so will probably resort to beta blockers.
I just struggle to grasp driving. It doesn't come easy.
I probably wouldn't care half as much if I was young,but in my 40s i feel faft and useless.

*daft and useless

Beta blockers

I kept it a secret and passed, it took a lot of pressure off! I found it really difficult to learn and knew people wouldn’t think I could pass. Keeping it to myself really helped. I am a confident driver now, just took me a really long time to grasp it.

Don’t see it as passing or failing. My driving instructor and examiner never used the word pass or fail. See it as reaching a standard of driving which will keep you safe on the road. That’s all the examiner is trying to do, to see if you will be safe.

Forget your past tests and what you did or didn’t do. There are so many variables on the day. You might have been assessed on a day when the twats were out in force when you did it the second time. There could have been dodgy weather, or the sun could have been low. Or maybe it was just an off day. Your next assessment might be your best day ever.

But yes, keep it secret if you want to keep the pressure off.

See Dr, get beta blockers, be honest its for driving test nerves. Change instructor. I passed 3rd time after just 1 lesson with my new female instructor. Good luck getting your wings!

I’m sorry if I am repeating advice of others (haven’t had time to read the full thread). My advice would be to find a good hypnotherapist. It has worked wonders for me over the years for all kinds of different issues - particularly short term challenges. And, I would describe myself as a naturally sceptical and scientific type!

Good luck!

Don't know if this has been mentioned as NRFT but you are allowed, I believe, to have your instructor sit in the back of the car.
That might make it seem more like the lessons you sail through.

I was in exactly the same position bar being married and kids
I failed a few times. Then on the test I actually passed I told nobody- not my boyfriend (my now DH) nor my mum who I tell everything
I psyched myself up telling myself that I could do it - and I did!
No one was mad at me

No, don't tell anyone before the actual test. There's absolutely nothing to be gained by you telling people beforehand and anything you can do beforehand to reduce stress is worthwhile.

Good luck with the driving test! My daughter just passed hers and didn't tell any of her friends or our extended family before. She was so thrilled to say that she had passed afterwards, but wouldn't have had to feel embarassed or ashamed with her friends if she had failed.

Keep going with the lessons, DD is thrilled to bits with her new-found freedom, and so will you!

I failed thrice, passed 4th time in a different county after 3 lessons ( after 3 years since last ones) can you take the test in a different area?