To keep this a secret?

[ReadyorNot18]

Not as interesting as the title suggests!
Basically, I had driving lessons throughout last year, I had 2 tests which I failed! I seem to be absolutely fine on all my lessons and they seem an absolute waste of time because my instructor said theres no more to teach me. I just seem to completely flake on the test and make stupid panicky mistakes! I can't have private practice outside of using an instructor because I don't have a car or anyone to take me.
My theory test expires in July this year and I REALLY want to pass my test before this runs out and I have to start from the beginning again.
Everyone I know drives and I'm 32 this year and still have to walk my daughter everywhere in all weathers which she's miffed about when all her friends are dropped off here there and anywhere.
I've texted my instructor this week to see if he can fit me In to do some more lessons, he's advised me to book my test in again for May and start back with him at the beginning of March.
So my AIBU is....can I keep this to myself and not tell anyone at all, including DH, (he would be at work when I take my lessons) I can't stand the thought of coming home and saying I failed again, or telling friends and family, its embarrassing! I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get through the test, I've had the rescue remedy, the banana before test, the lucozade to keep me alert, I just mess it up big time.
I think I know if I don't pass before my theory expires ill walk away from it- literally and be walking for a long time after!
Has anyone else found learning to drive as one of the hardest things they've done? I've hated it because I feel like a massive failure at it but it's so frustrating because I know if I pass, my life will become so much easier!

I intended to keep my test secret from everyone. My family knew I was taking lessons though. I made the mistake of putting my driving test into my phone calendar that syncs with our iMac so dh and dcs all saw when I was taking my test

Good luck with it all.

Would you consider trying meditation, with something like the Headspace app?

I failed my test due to nerves a bazillion years ago. I'm learning again just now and plan to take my test in the spring. I badly need something that will keep me calm on the day, and from previous experience with other things, I think meditation will be really helpful.

I'm going to try Wingingit's advice too!

DSis did this after failing first time round, precisely because it made it less stressful for her knowing that she wasn't going to have loads of people asking her about it if she failed again. And she did pass.

I'd agree that it could be worth going for a different instructor - you obviously need to get used to having different people in the car, and someone with a slightly different approach may well help. Maybe suggest to the new one that you do a mock test with him/her as the first lesson.

Fine to keep it secret so long as it doesn't add to your stress levels. It sounds like you need strategies to stay calm rather than getting hyped up on sugar.

Agree with PPs about finding a new instructor, maybe someone who will emulate an examiner rather than someone you're already familiar with.

I passed fourth time. Failed the previous three because of nerves and because I found driving stressful. I've since been driving 25 years without having an accident or claiming on insurance so I've done okay in the long run.

Good luck!

ReadyorNot, you don’t have to tell anyone! I didn’t tell anyone I was doing my provisional test. All my colleagues knew about my first practical (failed), but only my DP knew about my second (passed).

I was also incredibly nervous in my tests. In the second test the invigilator commented on the fact that I was shaking!

Try and get a test early in the day so you can get it over and done with. I’m also think it’s best to take the test without the instructor in the car as I think it increased pressure having a larger audience (the same problem with people knowing you are taking your test).

A top for your test, have the instructor sit in the back. I failed 3 tests for silly mistakes & my instructor suggested it & it worked a treat

You can do it!! I passed on my third after having almost nervous breakdowns on the two previous. My leg was shaking so much I just couldn't perform. I am not a particularly nervous person usually but that scenario just did me in.

Book your test and try and work on the nervousness before hand, ask the instructor to perhaps just do mocks, pretend it's the real thing.

Choose a scary instructor. You need to rehearse being in test conditions.

I passed third time too, my first test was such a disaster I still cringe about it 20 odd years later.

I told myself I wasn't taking a test, but giving someone a lift (not sure how I fitted the need to do a 3 point turn into this!). I hated learning to drive and always hoped the instructor wouldn't turn up - once I got into the mind set of driving from A to B rather than waiting for instructions, things changed for me completely.

You can do it, and YANBU to keep your test a secret.

A friend of mine from college took 7 attempts to pass her test, despite her instructor telling her that she could drive as well as she (the teacher) did. She just kept making really silly mistakes! Ultimately she did pass, but I think there is a lot of pressure when everyone knows you're going for your test.

Would you consider doing an intensive driving course (with test included)? I have no idea what the cost of these courses is, but it might be worth looking into.

Nquartz funnily enough it was the complete opposite for me. Instructor in the back first time and I failed.

Second time I went without him (he suggested it actually) and it went much better!

I'd speak to the GP, you won't be the first to ask or the last.

Good luck.

I passed my test last January, on the third try, at the age of 46. I was fine on all my lessons, my instructor was convinced I’d pass every time, but nerves got the best of me every time. Both previous times I came out with no minors and one major. (Both roundabouts - first one I went too soon after worrying I was being hesitant and the second I was failed for hesitancy!) What made the difference last time was, believe it or not, a hypnotherapy app.

I am the biggest sceptic in the world, but was desperate enough to try anything as I have a child who has a disability and I need to drive them to hospital regularly, so I gave it a go. I figured even if I nodded off while listening to it, rather than actually getting hypnotised, I would have at least had some time destressing.

The hypnotherapists voice was a bit of a shock. I was expecting a singy songy lady, but he’s not like that at all. I was sure it wasn’t working, as I fell asleep every time I put it on - although that in itself was unusual, as I am a chronic insomniac who takes hours to fall asleep normally.

I also bought a couple of books, written by ex-examiners which basically debunk all the nonsense peddled about the test itself and give sensible down-to-earth advice on how to approach it.

The app was by Glenn Harrold and was called Pass your driving test - hypnosis exam success. I also used another one by On Beat Limited, called Driving Test Hypnosis, but I felt the first one worked better for me.

The books were this one and this one.

The last time I took it I only told my husband to take the pressure off and that definitely helped as well.

I passed the second time after nerves. I stalled the car a couple of times and was failed for being too hesitant. Taking the test does feel like a nerve wracking experience, I agree. Looking back the examiner really isn’t looking to fail you, you know. They will be very happy to pass you if you are able show how competent you clearly are. I agree with others, there is so much out there now to help you calm your nerves. Hypnotherapy really works for me. Learn and practice some deep breathing techniques.

I'd also second not bothering with the 'banana before' and Olbas oil, Lucozade etc etc. These can become pre-test rituals to the point of superstition.

I passed my test on the third attempt.

(One of my fail tests I mucked up my three point turn, stalled the car and was looking for the 'biting point' as part of the start again procedure with the engine off ! I'd forgotten to turn the engine back on ! Nerves, they happen to us all. Good luck.)

Sounds really harsh that you failed your first test for that. And three minors is really good!

I know what you mean about something going wrong & you thinking you just want to forget everything. On my test, I reversed around a corner & actually went up & over the kerb I was convinced I had failed at that point, so I thought fuck it, the rest of the test is just practice at doing tests, and I carried on. Weirdly, I passed.

You can do it! You can already drive. You’re already capable. You just have to convince ONE other person. You’ll be fine

If you have a family car which your husband drives why aren't you doing all the family driving? I started driving when I was 36 and I would never have passed my test if I didn't drive as much as possible. Every single journey I could legally be the driver for, I did. I even drove for several hours when we went on holiday to another country. I drove and drove until every movement, every gear change, every turn of the wheel when I reversed, every time I drove in the centre of the road to stay wide of parked cars became natural.

I would never, ever have passed if I hadn't done that because my nerves ahead of a test were just too severe. On the day of my test I was genuinely fighting a deep desire to stop the car and run away I was so stressed. But despite my very obvious stress, I was visibly shaking and sweat through my blouse, the tester passed me with very few flaws because he said my ease of driving shone through. Without thinking about it I went up or down gears in tune with the car's needs, I automatically made all the correct observations and was always in the correct place on the road. Because I had done it so much that the process was automatic.

I think it's a very rare person who can drive naturally enough for their driving ability to supersede terrible nerves if they haven't had 100s or even 1000s of hours of practice. Keeping the test secret will probably help with your nerves but the best thing to do is to get yourself on the insurance of the family car and just drive your family everywhere at the weekends. Start easy by taking over driving duties to local places and work up to big outings over the coming months.

I was about to suggest hypnotherapy as well>
You need to get your head around the test situation, you can drive but the test is stressful.

Tringley- we don't have a family car unfortunately. DH has a company rental car so I'm not allowed to use it. You are right though, the private practice definitely assists in a better chance of passing, I just don't have that option at the moment.

A lot of suggestions for hypnotherapy, I will definitely have a look at some apps. I am willing to give anything a try!

Thank you for all of your replies.

I passed on my 7th attempt! My instructor said I was driving like someone who'd been driving a couple of years by the end! I failed due to hideous nerves and had beta blockers in the end.

What worked for me was a change of instructor (I'd got far too cosy with the previous one) and a change of town for the test. I kissed the examiner when he said I'd passed. And I told nobody.

I failed my test four times, and forgot my photo and paper part of the licence for a fifth time, so technically I passed on the sixth time..! So OP, you are nowhere near my tally!

As my driving instructor so kindly said about me, not all of us are 'natural drivers'! That was a real boost to the confidence..!

Don't tell anyone what your up to.
Keep practicing, even when your walking around. Like signal mirror speed etc.
If it's nerves ask the gp and/or go out with a friend?

I hate driving, hate it with a passion. The thing that got me through my test was my instructor telling me that it wasn't a test to see if you were a perfect driver, it was a test to show whether you could continue to learn on your own. That took the pressure off.

Veronicat Lots of students get a provisional licence to use as ID because it's cheaper than a passport. Would DP buy that as a reason? If not, could you get your mail redirected for a short time? Your address would still be on the envelope but delivered elsewhere (friends house?)

Actually, do you know whether you even need to have the licence sent to the same address as is on the licence?

I knew someone who did not say when they had their driving test so if/when they failed they could keep it to themselves.

As fate would have it the day I passed my driving test this person told me they had failed their driving test that day.

They did eventually get their licence though.

Third attempt passer here too and I kept it to myself after the first time. Can i ask why your instructor is recommending you wait until May though? Surely sooner the better in case you need to do it again before your theory test runs out?