To keep this a secret?

[ReadyorNot18]

Not as interesting as the title suggests!
Basically, I had driving lessons throughout last year, I had 2 tests which I failed! I seem to be absolutely fine on all my lessons and they seem an absolute waste of time because my instructor said theres no more to teach me. I just seem to completely flake on the test and make stupid panicky mistakes! I can't have private practice outside of using an instructor because I don't have a car or anyone to take me.
My theory test expires in July this year and I REALLY want to pass my test before this runs out and I have to start from the beginning again.
Everyone I know drives and I'm 32 this year and still have to walk my daughter everywhere in all weathers which she's miffed about when all her friends are dropped off here there and anywhere.
I've texted my instructor this week to see if he can fit me In to do some more lessons, he's advised me to book my test in again for May and start back with him at the beginning of March.
So my AIBU is....can I keep this to myself and not tell anyone at all, including DH, (he would be at work when I take my lessons) I can't stand the thought of coming home and saying I failed again, or telling friends and family, its embarrassing! I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get through the test, I've had the rescue remedy, the banana before test, the lucozade to keep me alert, I just mess it up big time.
I think I know if I don't pass before my theory expires ill walk away from it- literally and be walking for a long time after!
Has anyone else found learning to drive as one of the hardest things they've done? I've hated it because I feel like a massive failure at it but it's so frustrating because I know if I pass, my life will become so much easier!

YANBU to keep it to yourself- it took me 5 attempts to pass my test! 🤦🏻‍♀️
I saw a hypnotherapist after my 4th failure to help me get over my fear- 2 sessions later and I’d passed my test (also helped that I’d done the route before! 😂)
Good luck!

Different test centres can help too for fresh start. Friend passed after quite a few test. The last 4 she just took cancellations so she didn't have long waits between repeating - it worked as she did the 4 within two weeks and she was so calm by then 4th.

Nothing has ever made me as nervous as my driving tests (all 5 of them). I could never understand it, I'm not a nervous person and was always fine on lessons. I'd be fine until the moment the examiner told me to drive along the road, then my palms would sweat and my legs would shake so much that I couldn't keep my foot on the gas, never mind control the clutch.

I wish I could remember what made my 5th test different, but it was over 40 years ago now and I can't. I do remember being so stunned on being told I'd passed that I didn't take it in though.

After giving me the pass slip, the examiner asked me to move the car forward a few feet and I thought he was having second thoughts. I'd parked right by a tree and he couldn't get the door open to get out! It took me 5 goes to do that hill start, I kept stalling the bloody thing.

I wouldn't tell anyone, anything that takes a bit of pressure off will help.

Good luck op!

I passed 3rd time and test 1 and 2 sound very similar to yours. Test one I had one major (on the last few minutes of the test!) and about 4 minors but on the second one I did so badly! I had 26 minors in total and a major for doing the exact same stupid thing as the first time, my nerves were so bad I couldn't think straight despite rescue remedy. Third time I decided I didn't give a shit and wouldn't care if I passed or failed and was so much more relaxed! I was chatting with the examiner who was lovely and that really helped me not think about the fact I was taking a test. I'm sure I read some statistics somewhere that the UK average is to pass on the 3rd attempt.

Yes, me. Driving no problem but tests a mess. I passed on my 5th test after using Paul McKenna's cd/book Instant Confidence. I listened and I visualised that at the end of my test the instructor would tell me I passed, when it actually happened I was gobsmacked!! Highly recommend it.

I took 4 attempts to pass, on the 4th I'd decided that if I didn't pass I wouldn't bother trying any more. That time I thought I'd messed up really early on so decided I'd already failed and just get through the rest. Passed with only 2 minors!
In my very limited pool of driver friends, the ones who passed first time all wrote their cars off within a year. I have, therefore, decided failure makes you a better driver!
Good luck on your next test!

Sometimes on here you see threads saying how bitchy mumsnet users can be and slating them. I can honestly say, every one of you have given me some sound advice and really given me the boost to think that maybe I can get there with this eventually! Thank you all millions for your input, greatly appreciated.

I also passed on my 5th try, and like you OP, I was fine in lessons, but just fell to pieces in the test! I took lots of rescue remedy which helped take the edge off a bit, but the time I passed I actually took the test on a Staurday morning (you could only do this when the examiners were doing overtime). It was the first one of the day, 8.20 or 8.40am, which would have been a nightmare Mon-Fri but was really quiet on a Sat. Knowing it was quiet, even on approaches to really tricky junctions etc helped boost my confidence. Could you get a weekend test where you are? I think it did cost a little more, but was well worth it!

I'm 35, still learning. Was petrified, and still a bit worried about actually taking/passing my test. My instructor has been working through all the thing's that might go "wrong" on the test and how to fix them. That has been really helpful and I'm feeling much more relaxed
about it now, maybe that would be helpful for you too?

I just wanted to quickly say, if you feel you'd like to keep it secret do it. It's not like it's a bad secret, if that makes sense.

I was super nervous about taking my test, but I passed first time due to the advice that my driving instructor had given me. She told me that the examiner wants to pass you, they don't want you to fail and aren't trying to trip you up so that you do. They just want to ensure that you are absolutely safe to drive. If you make a mistake, correct it with the correct procedure. For example, I touched the kerb when I was reversing round a corner, but because I corrected my mistake in a safe manner (stopped, handbrake, neutral, checked mirrors, first gear, indicated, checked mirrors, drove back round to starting spot, stopped, handbrake, neutral, checked mirrors, indicator, reverse gear, checked mirrors, did manoeuvre again) it wasn't counted as a minor. I still did the manoeuvre correctly, even though it was my second attempt. The main thing was, I did it safely.

You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be safe. That includes things like ensuring you leave the correct stopping distance, making sure you aren't over the speed (or too far under - I got a minor for that), making sure you are always obviously checking your mirrors, that you have correct procedures for manoeuvres, that you have lights and wipers on if necessary, that you put your seatbelt on and adjust your mirrors before you do anything else etc.

I wish you the very, very best of luck with it.

Where you actually take the test can make a big difference - I passed aged 35 first time having had 90% of my lessons in Pontefract, which I developed a very rational hatred of, to the extent I said to my instructor I'm not doing the test here! We moved it to Malton at the last moment, I had about four hours in the week before, plus an hour before the actual test to get used to the routes (so, so quiet), and it went really well. Different towns have such different routes, traffic, etc that it's worth thinking about finding somewhere nice and calm, at a quiet time of day. There are percentage pass rates online for each test centre, if you Google it. And good luck!

Sorry, I meant to say, knowing that I could make a mistake providing I could correct it made a huge boost to my confidence, and I'm sure it was that that helped me pass my test.

Yes keep quiet about it if that takes the pressure off OP. Passing my test was the hardest thing I've ever done. I passed 2nd time by the skin of my teeth. I really feel for you OP and hope you nail it next time. Just grit your teeth and get on with it!!!

i took 3 tests when i was 17 just crumbled when it came to it

left it till i was also 32 told peopel i was having lessons but never when the test was seemed to take pressure off

good luck

ReadyorNotHave you thought about changing instructors? March is a long time to wait for another lesson or maybe doing an intensive course you may forget and be too out of practice. A change of instructor may see minor flaws you're missing-I want through three instructors really liked the first one who after 10-15lessons told me he was happy taking my money each week but I would never pass my test so changed to another bloke who I had loads of lessons with and was basically an old pervert who always readjusted yr seatbelt etc and would only ever book double lessons drive me to his bit on the side and spend 20 mins in there as he had "forgotten" something this went on for ages with my cancelling him several times and him turning up demanding payment and saying I may as well have the lesson now I paid (I was very young and naive and it was 20 years ago-he wouldn't have got away with it nowadays) and third bloke had to basically reteach me from scratch as the other two mess ups had taught me failable things or not taught basics and got me through my test-passed second time... I also agree to lay off sugar, caffeine and lucozade it will make you too wired and jumpy so more likely make mistakes....
Just mentally think a test a month until July and you will probably relax and pass

I’d keep it a secret. It’ll mean you won’t be stressing about the opinions of others afterwards.

I passed third go. Both previous occasions I was a bundle of nerves and flunked (badly) because of them. I ended up with a different driving instructor the week before my test and it was the best time thing that could’ve happened. He didn’t let me drive more than 5mins in that lesson. Told me I could drive and then spent the rest of the lesson convincing me that I could do it- I went into the next test in a much better state and passed maybe not perfectly but well enough to feel pleased with myself. It’s worth a thought re changing. A fresh pair of eyes maybe just the thing you need. Good luck!! 🍀

What neighneigh said - picking your test centre can make a difference. My instructor told me to go for the one that didn't have a busy, small bay, reverse only car park (my Worst Thing). It also meant that I did the test drive in the area I lived in rather than the other side of the city. Knowing which roads were uphill, likely to be double parked, or have an oncoming bus (and the times of said buses) was a bit of a confidence boost.

I suffered badly with nerves, as someone said earlier I felt I had to understand everything, not just do it. My instructor was telling me I could drive fine if I just calmed down and stopped overthinking, but there was no way I was going to be fit to take a test. I kept up the lessons (40 odd I think) and eventually took a test that I scraped through (though I was horrified that I passed - I drove appallingly due to nerves).

My mum kept failing her test and eventually took secret lessons with a new instructor during her lunch hour and did test in secret. Reducing the pressure of people (especially my dad) talking to her and making her nervous helped her relax and she passed. If you need the space then go ahead and keep it to yourself. You are not doing anything wrong.

Don’t put to much pressure on yourself I know many people who did not pass even on there third attempt, I no it’s easy to say due to cost and other factors but the more pressure u feel to pass the more tension you will be feeling in your test try to treat it as just another lesson, I think asking one of your friends like someone’s already suggested is a good idea to
You usually find people who don’t pass first time are a lot more cautious and considerate when driving sometimes it’s not your own driving that’s the problem it’s other vehicle drivers u have to be worried about.

You have just announced to the world, so how is this a secret?

I know it can be difficult and with my test I passed, but then at first was scared to drive on my own. I had to ask my neighbour- who is also experienced driver to come with me. It is very psychological. Try to concentrate and if you panic on the test maybe book some more lessons but with different instructors? Explain to them what the problem is. Maybe instead of a “lesson” you can ask for a scenario of a real driving test, although not a real driving exam?

Once you pass you have it for life, try again and don’t give up. Having a driving licence can be very useful, if not now maybe in the future.

You’ve spend a lot of money already and I’m sure you don’t want to waste all this money and time to give up now.

There’s many people that in similar situation as you.

im late to this thread and probably all I'm going to say has been throughout the pages.
but don't worry so much about worrying.i know lots of people who have struggled with the test.and many more who have been great drivers,everyone knows it yet when it comes to the test part they fall to pieces.who likes exams?noone.
if these lessons give you the boost you need then go for it.and even after this if you don't pass,again don't be hard on yourself.your not giving up.that in itself is fantastic and far braver than people think who have passed.
so keep going with it.you can do this.
before the test or running up to it from now could you perhaps get soe relxation techniques going.yes I'm going to mention it...mindfulness practices. just to get you into calm headspace so when the panic threatens you no exactly how to calm yourself down or it just by then will come automatically.
are there test programs for the pc you could do.or is this something you could ask your instructor to work on with you so tailor your lessons more around the test layout.just so by the time it comes your as ready as you can be.
well done for wanting and then going for this again.its really brave and strong thing not something to be aibu about.

Try it this time, and if it doesn't work you can always just tell DH next time if you want to.

One thing I did on the test I passed - when I made a stupid mistake (which turned out to give me two minors - one for doing it and one on the next turn because I was shaken), I asked if I could pull over and pull myself together for a moment. The examiner said fine, I did it safely in a quiet place, and just had a little breather then we set off again. Afterwards he didn't comment on that at all, but I'm sure he looked favourably on me afterwards for taking the time to reset myself.

Ask your instructor if this is a good idea though, the test may have changed enough now that it would be frowned on.

I was in a similar position to you. I was fine in lessons and was reasonably confident but as soon as I was doing my test i became really anxious and made stuipid mistakes. I failed 3 times and then had to take a few years off due to a change in circumstances. Started again and thought id got over it but same tging happened. I failed another 2 tests. It was the examiner who told me to go and speak to my doctor. She advised i ask for betablockers which she used to pass her examiner test. Due to low blood pressure i couldnt have these but the doctor did prescibe a very low dose of diazepam. They advised i take one before my test to gauge it effect but I was fine with it. It took the edge off and I passed on my 6th attempt. Good luck. Do whatever you need to.

I had to take my test 4 times. I found it really hard to learn to drive. I struggle with all spatial stuff. Changing instructor helped me a lot and my DM took me out for practice and that was helpful because she wasn't a 'natural' driver either so she'd had to think about how to do it well. But what really motivated me was overhearing my DDad say I'd never pass!

I think I was ultimately a better driver for all the practice though. I've been driving about 25 years now and I do find I need to drive regularly or my confidence drops. I'm clearly not naturally suited to it. I'm always in awe of friends who can drive, navigate and talk at the same time.

Good luck OP and hang in there - you only need to pass once.

Please try and not worry about the Examiner. Just do your best and drive if there was no one next to you. This is what I found in my experience if you drive, and not worry about someone watching over you. Drive to your best ability, and with all your confidence. I failed the first time, because I was so worried, and what he, (the Examiner) was going to do and say. So when I took my next test, I did not try to think about the examiner. I concentrated of what I learnt in my lessons. And i got on with my driving in my best abilities without getting nervous about the examiner next to me. In my situation I passed the second time. Good luck xx