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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep this a secret?

220 replies

ReadyorNot18 · 25/01/2018 13:32

Not as interesting as the title suggests!
Basically, I had driving lessons throughout last year, I had 2 tests which I failed! I seem to be absolutely fine on all my lessons and they seem an absolute waste of time because my instructor said theres no more to teach me. I just seem to completely flake on the test and make stupid panicky mistakes! I can't have private practice outside of using an instructor because I don't have a car or anyone to take me.
My theory test expires in July this year and I REALLY want to pass my test before this runs out and I have to start from the beginning again.
Everyone I know drives and I'm 32 this year and still have to walk my daughter everywhere in all weathers which she's miffed about when all her friends are dropped off here there and anywhere.
I've texted my instructor this week to see if he can fit me In to do some more lessons, he's advised me to book my test in again for May and start back with him at the beginning of March.
So my AIBU is....can I keep this to myself and not tell anyone at all, including DH, (he would be at work when I take my lessons) I can't stand the thought of coming home and saying I failed again, or telling friends and family, its embarrassing! I don't know what it is but I just can't seem to get through the test, I've had the rescue remedy, the banana before test, the lucozade to keep me alert, I just mess it up big time.
I think I know if I don't pass before my theory expires ill walk away from it- literally and be walking for a long time after!
Has anyone else found learning to drive as one of the hardest things they've done? I've hated it because I feel like a massive failure at it but it's so frustrating because I know if I pass, my life will become so much easier!

OP posts:
aussielivingabroad · 26/01/2018 18:17

If it takes the pressure off,I don't see why you can't keep it a secret. I learnt to drive in my early 30's,it was hard. It took me 3 attempts & 3rd time Dr had prescribed me beta blockers. Good luck x

PolarBearkshire · 26/01/2018 18:24

Keeping things to yourself is actually a blessing! 👍🏻 People used to do that before these oversharing times haha

ohh · 26/01/2018 18:26

Im with you! I had ten lessons not in my own car as didn't have one. Perfect driving but 2 tests failed. Actually 1 of then my first, the driving instructor praised me for my excellent road awareness as I saw an accident up ahead and avoided it. Failed the test though as did not take the route he said.

3 test no lessons told no one not even my fiancee or mum. Passed.

Nerves i reckon on the test and the expectations.

Best of luck

Worldsworstcook · 26/01/2018 18:29

I took a diazepam and actually an ear worm song which got stuck in my head - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 from Sesame Street! - I couldn't get nervous as the song was so distracting it drove me mad! DS passed 4th time by not telling anyone. The nerves drove him nuts. I only knew as I was the one paying! But one piece of advice he heeded was to say to the examiner -" I get really nervous during tests. Can I have the window down a tiny bit? " I think that reminded the examiner just how nervous he was and maybe a toot more understanding.

sabs22 · 26/01/2018 18:30

DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! I sat my theory twice, more because I left it so long to bother getting lessons and sitting my test. I failed my first test, like you I was perfect at lessons but nerves just got the better off me. Ask your GP for beta blockers, they dull the physical symptoms of anxiety such as sweating, racing heart etc without affecting your mental alertness. They got me through my second test and passed with flying colours. Good luck, and whatever happens please do not give it. You will get it done and will be worth all the stress when you do.

StrandedStarfish · 26/01/2018 18:32

My son had the same issue. We used Bach’s rescue remedy before his third test and he passed without any faults.

Good luck OP

ton181 · 26/01/2018 18:35

If your instructor says theres nothing left to teach you then you need to have faith in yourself. Extra lessons will help you experience more road situations and help build your confidence.

Good luck, you will get there!

FiloPasty · 26/01/2018 18:39

Totally agree with other who advised to change instructor, I failed 4 times. Changed to a new instructor, had 3 lessons and then passed, initially I booked lessons with a big name firm but realised my instructor actually wasn’t that experienced.
Sailed through with the new instructor and as he was a small local guy as I walked into the test centre all the examiners seemed to know him, on my test they even mentioned how good he was.
Good luck I know how demoralising it is, best thing I ever did, 5 years later and I’m still thrilled that I can drive. Persevere it’s worth it!

Inthedeepdarkwinter · 26/01/2018 18:40

My husband kept his resitting of the theory test a secret after a spectacular fail. He also moved to an automatic and passed. There is hope, OP!

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 26/01/2018 18:40

Dh failed 3 times. The centre he went to was notoriously tough, but he moved because of work, so changed test centre. Sailed through.He also got beta blockers.

Katherine2626 · 26/01/2018 18:42

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done - 'started to learn at about nineteen, never got as far as the test until years later as I gave up in despair so many times.
That said - you can do it. If I can pass a test, possibly the most uncoordinated person, who found that to signal, change gear, turn the wheel and work pedals all at once almost impossible to do, then you certainly can. You seem to have mastered all of that, and it's just 'big day' nerves that seem to do it. Look at some of the people who are driving - and tell yourself that if they can pass then so can you.
I wouldn't tell anyone - it is your business, nobody else's, and you will be giving them some good news and waving your pass certificate in May. Good luck!

a1poshpaws · 26/01/2018 18:45

Keep it secret, and ask your GP for a beta blocker (2 in fact, because you need to try out its effect on you before the Test of course; it might make you sleepy). It was getting the beta blocker that kept me calm enough to pass on my 5th attempt.

Tour · 26/01/2018 18:47

I passed fifth time. So did a few of my friends. It was all nerves. Silly little mistakes like reversing round a corner in neutral on a Hill. Grin don’t tell anyone just do it and good luck

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 26/01/2018 18:48

I took my test 9 times before I passed. Like you I could drive ok in lessons but at the test my legs went to jelly. All I can say is don't give up, eventually it will all come together.

AL75 · 26/01/2018 18:49

Have you thought of mediating techniques etc to sort your nerves? Maybe that would help...

Coffeeelover · 26/01/2018 18:50

The only difference between you and me with this story is I was 30! I got to the point where I thought actually I am a better driver than a lot of others on the road and I can’t fail every test... eventually I will have to pass one! The next one I had that attitude and passed with the highest score my instructor had had! You can do it 😀👍🏻

pollymere · 26/01/2018 18:51

I passed first time a couple of years ago. I think it's crazy to say there is nothing else to teach you. It sounds as if you need to learn to practice how to feel calm during the test. One thing I got told was to not have a lesson before the test as it can make you more nervous, just drive to the test centre. You probably need to get used to having someone else in the car so maybe ask a friend if they'll let you add yourself and drive a little bit in their car.

ASlothNamedSid · 26/01/2018 18:52

Take rescue remedy on the day of your test, I failed 3 tests as I turned into a pile of poo on test day. Someone suggested using kalms and rescue remedy (the spray on your tongue one) and I'm not sure if it's mind over matter or if it actually worked but I was SO much calmer and it made all the difference.

Good luck

deste · 26/01/2018 18:55

Book your test at a very quiet time, ie not 8.30 rush hour and choose a test centre in a quiet area. I think I would also use a different instructor and start now. Why wait till March.

Ibelieveinyou · 26/01/2018 18:59

I failed three times, I was a great driver on my lessons but couldn't get my nerves under control on the test. This was a time before the internet and rescue remedy! 😆 I had a lovely examiner on my fourth go who put me more at ease. Definitely keep it to yourself if you want to, and I'd also go to your doctor for beta blockers, they are much better than rescue remedy in my opinion.
Good luck!

loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 26/01/2018 19:03

You can do it! Good luck. My bff kept it secret from everyone x

user1488397844 · 26/01/2018 19:07

I was the same as you, just couldn't pass the test! I took Kalms for a week befoee my test & didn't do a lesson the day of it, just drove straight to the centre and passed! I also didn't tell anyone its too hard having to tell everyone you've failed (again) I passed 4th time but have never had any issues when driving so far! It was just the test I couldn't get through. Good Luck, whatever happens dont give up!

Fandangos · 26/01/2018 19:08

I think you’re within your rights to keep it a secret. Good luck! I was exactly the same as you; I felt ready for my test twice, then went to pieces on the test. It’s so stressful. I took Kalms a good week before, it worked and I passed!

Funnydaddy · 26/01/2018 19:12

Hi ReadyorNot18,

I can understand your agony. I guess you can be honest. Do not allow thier judgement affect you. You have been fortunate to experiences your weak areas and Its time to overcome it.

Your motivation should be being able to bring your daughter around. It is possible. May this victory spirals to the success of all your our furue endeavours.

Rgds

Polska03 · 26/01/2018 19:18

I passed my driving test on the 5th time. Im the same as you, test nerves and panic. What helped me pass was having my instructor in the back seat during my test. I tried to imagine it was just another lesson. Good luck op 🤞