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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

518 replies

Natsku · 24/01/2018 11:30

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 24/01/2018 11:32

I think at pick up (if you do it) before you leave you could ask her and she could go back in. I imagine the teacher may be too busy but you could raise the issue with her and problem solve it together.

ChasedByBees · 24/01/2018 11:32

Teacher may be too busy to remind her I meant

PinkHeart5914 · 24/01/2018 11:34

I don’t think it’s what a teacher is for tbh....

When she comes out of school you could ask dd and send her back in, I can’t see why school wouldn’t allow her back in for a wee

ajandjjmum · 24/01/2018 11:35

I would have thought that it is better for whoever picks her up to check she's been.

ChasedByBees · 24/01/2018 11:36

Sorry, I’ve just read that you don’t pick her up. Do you know any of the other school mums that could help remind her? I’d speak to the teacher and let her know the problem though.

Sirzy · 24/01/2018 11:36

If she is old enough to walk home alone surely she is old enough to go to the toilet without prompt?

steff13 · 24/01/2018 11:37

How old is she? How long is her walk that she doesn't need to go before she leaves school but can't "hold it" until she gets home?

Shadow1986 · 24/01/2018 11:37

Teacher will be too busy to remind her but at pick up you could get your child to go back in, and just explain to the teacher that’s what you’ll be doing as there’s been a couple of accidents on the walk home.

LadyHarvey · 24/01/2018 11:37

I'm a teacher and wouldn't have a problem with this. Just a case of remembering!

quilpie · 24/01/2018 11:37

For those saying the op should remind her and send her back in, the op isn't there at pick up.

How old is she? I imagine not a youngster if walking home on her own. Is there another problem do you think?

Greensleeves · 24/01/2018 11:39

If I was her teacher I would do it willingly. It may not be the primary job of a teacher, no, but you care about the children and families and want to help where you can. Reminding a child to go to the loo isn't a huge imposition (and no, you won't end up having to remind 30 children and miss the whole afternoon's teaching, blah blah).

Commiseration for the SPD, it's hell Flowers I was in a wheelchair for months with mine, but it vanished magically after the birth!

BhajiAllTheWay · 24/01/2018 11:43

Think I would feel like " that" parent tbh. Teacher will have lots to think about at the close of the day, imagine if other parents did that.." oh can you remind little Johnny to bring his water bottle/ Daisy to collect her coat/ have a wee etc.

How old is she? She walks alone, so I'm guessing not tiny. Does she not realise she needs to go desperately?

LloydColeandtheCoconuts · 24/01/2018 11:43

Yes, how old is she? I don’t think YBU to ask. Sometimes the end of the day is so hectic though. As a teacher we always toilet the students as part of our end of day routine. But I work in SEN so I guess things may be different. When I worked in mainstream I wouldn’t have minded a parent asking me to do this.

SandLand · 24/01/2018 11:44

@Natsku, we gave just had to drum into DS2 (6, similar age, I think?) that he must go to the loo at the start (already prompted by teacher to the whole class) and end of break- he was worried about missing the bus at the end of the day - and not down his whole water bottle after that because he hadn't drunk all day.....
It took a few weeks of constant "and what are you going to do at the end of break?" on the way out if the door each morning, but he seems to have it now - and managed a hour delay coming home yesterday.

On that note, can I hijack the thread briefly? I recognise you as a poster who lives in a place where kids make their way home from school independently at a much earlier age than the UK is used to. At what age do they start getting mobiles? ie yesterday, id reallly have like to have known they were safe rather than lost (both kids delayed significantly). But at 6 and 8, is a mobile too much responsibility?

Greensleeves · 24/01/2018 11:45

But that is what teachers do at the end of the day, "Johnny, water bottle, Daisy, get your coat please, Lucy put the letter IN your bookbag so you don't drop it on the playground again"...all perfectly normal and part of teaching younger children

ToothTrauma · 24/01/2018 11:46

Another one wondering why she can’t take herself if she’s old enough to walk home alone?

Hopinthescotch · 24/01/2018 11:46

Get her one of those watches with an alarm set to beep 15 minutes before home time. Let the teacher know what you've done. They work a treat for kids who can't remember to go.

EilaLila · 24/01/2018 11:48

It depends on her age and the reason why she can’t remember to use the toilet but can walk home safely. If she’s youngish and has additional needs or medical needs, then I think you would fine to ask the teacher.

SueGeneris · 24/01/2018 11:49

Could you pin a reminder written on fabric into the back of her coat?!

SparklyMagpie · 24/01/2018 11:50

How old is she OP?

TremendousWorkGodfrey · 24/01/2018 11:51

I'm a teacher. I would willingly do this BUT I guarantee that with 29 other children to round up, tracking down coats/lunchboxes/water bottles/reading books/getting children to the right after school clubs etc etc it WOULD get forgotten. Your dd does need to remember this herself I'm afraid. The watch with a beeper reminder is a good idea but it's not something you can reasonably rely on the teacher doing.

IvorBiggun · 24/01/2018 11:51

She’s able to walk home by herself in sub-zero temperatures but not old enough to remember to go to the toilet before she comes home?

That’s odd. How old is she?

holasoydora · 24/01/2018 11:53

I have asked a teacher this and they were happy to help. In our case DD avoids going to the loo which is a factor in her ongoing constipation issues. Not a great ask really, if there is an unwanted knock on effect that could be avoided.

thepatchworkcat · 24/01/2018 11:55

I agree - in theory I’d be willing to do this but would almost certainly forget in amongst everything else and all the other children. Also it’s likely that it’s not always the same adult seeing the class out each day as there will times that TAs or other teachers could be covering.

If she’s old enough to walk home on her own then she needs to remember to ask to go to the toilet herself I think. Could she have a note in her pocket or somewhere she’ll see it as she’s getting her stuff together (book bag etc?) ?

SendintheArdwolves · 24/01/2018 11:56

So she's old enough to walk home (a long enough walk that she can go from not needing the toilet to being so desperate she wets herself) but is so young that she can't remember to go to the loo, nor to undo her snowsuit and pee on the ground rather than soaking herself?

Could it be about something else? You say that you are pregnant and also that your SPD is leaving you housebound - could she be anxious about you/the new baby? Toilet regression is a pretty common way for children to signal if there's something they're not coping with.