Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

[Natsku]

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

Just interests in the fact that a 7 year old in allowed to walk home for almost an hour.

What is it about Finland that makes this the norm?

I’m in the UK and a teacher. In our school children age 10 can walk home if they’ve got written consent, none of the younger children are.

There's a diary type thing but I think it's only checked at the end of the week when the teacher puts in the plan for the next week, I doubt DD looks in it every day either. If the watch alarm plan doesn't work I'll speak to the teacher but I'm hoping the watch alarm will work so I don't need to. Reassuring that several people have said they think the teacher won't mind at least but I just hate to be a bother and crap at communicating in Finnish.

YABU. Teachers have more than enough to do all day and at the end of the day.

What is it about Finland that makes this the norm?

It's the culture I suppose, children are expected to be fairly independent from a young age plus school hours are much shorter than working hours (DD only does 4 hours a day) and can vary from day to day so it's almost impossible for working parents to drop off and pick up their children anyway. Add that to the fact that there's less people, less cars (in the city children will take the bus or the metro by themselves even), less busy, so safer to walk, and most children go to their neighbourhood school so it's close enough to walk. They need written permission to walk in the preschool year (which DD is in) but after that then the teachers pay no attention to how the children leave school. There's no school gate culture here, which means I don't get to know the other parents so that's a downside but at least no popular mums' club to contend with!

text reminder is an excellent idea. And presumably Finland also has small cheap low power mobiles which aren't the major nuisance of smartphones, so can have one of those.

My DD has a children’s Fitbit (Garmin Jr vivofit I think it is) and I can program in tasks for her via the app on my phone and I can set reminders for her which comes up as an alert on her Fitbit (it’s also a watch, no calorie counter or anything like that).
You could program toilet and set alarm for say 3:15 or whenever she finishes school and it will beep and the word toilet appears on Fitbit.

Sounds like a wonderful way to get home from school

I don't think you get much liquid intake from eating snow unless you eat gallons?

As a teacher I'd be happy to remind her - and my Dniece ( 8) had a similar problem and the staff at her school were happy to assist. Please speak to the school and explain your circumstances.

Having read your other posts I would ask the teacher to remind her and also keep an eye on the other toileting issues.

I probably wouldn’t ask if she was worried about anything because she may not have the emotional maturity to recognise or realise she is experiencing anxiety about change (totally normal and to be expected) and that could upset her. I would do lots of general reassuring and regularly show how much she is loved.

I don't understand how she's old enough to walk on her own but not remember to go to the loo.
I'd be worried about her safety walking home if she forgets necessary things.
Does she have to cross any roads?

I don't think teachers mind being asked these things, but they might not remember themselves and might have dozens of other things to remind children.

My 7 year old hates the school toilets and has adopted lots of different strategies to try to ensure she doesn’t need to go to the loo during the day. It’s really common.

IvorBiggun Ok I won't ask her if she's worried about anything but will instead focus more time on her in case she's worried about not getting enough attention when baby is her - have been a bit rubbish about doing things with her this pregnancy because it's been so difficult and I've been ill for most of it but will do what I can now.

Think it's just the last little bit of liquid intake that triggers the urge to wee drspouse at least that's how it goes with me if my bladder is already fairly full but not urgent and then I have a small drink and suddenly need to wee.

Its not reasonable to ask to add another daily responsibility on to a teacher's day. Another voice here saying if she not responsible enough to go to the bathroom without promoting she is not responsible enough for such a long walk home.

I don't understand how she's old enough to walk on her own but not remember to go to the loo.I'd be worried about her safety walking home if she forgets necessary things.Does she have to cross any roads?

Said in a previous post, just one road to cross right outside the school where there are few cars and lots of other people crossing at the same time and then it's a path through the forest right to our road (which also is really quiet, only residents drive on it)

Nothing to say to help you OP but I am chuckling at the horror of some posters about your DD walking to school by herself. It was totally normal (& fun and healthy) in the UK in the 70s to walk to school alone (or with your friends), it is sad that the traffic and fear has put paid to that here & great that Finland has held on to that as normal IMO.

Apart from the wet knickers bit, it sounds bloody brilliant being a 7 year old in Finland.

Don't blame them for thinking like that, it was quite a culture shock when I moved here and first saw little children taking the bus around by themselves and that kind of thing and was a tad pearl clutchy about it until I got used to it. Now it's one of my favourite things about living here, although from time to time I look at it with British eyes and think wtf!

Apart from the wet knickers bit, it sounds bloody brilliant being a 7 year old in Finland.

I don't have any advice; I just came on to say basically this. Walking home through forests with your mates, playing in snow, bundled up in a cosy snowsuit... Heck, I'd love to do that now and I'm 43!

It seems odd that she is old enough to walk home that far and yet not old enough to have learnt from the accidents that she must go before she leaves.

But then recently the Swiss branch of the family cane to visit and laughed at us because our 5 year old doesn’t walk himself to school and back. Different cultures.

So OP to go off thread, but don't you worry about other things? Her falling and having an accident - especially on skis in -15. And generally just walking in the right direction and not forgetting which path to take.

I cannot imagine letting my children walk several miles home from school in -15, snow, a forest and crossing ski slopes. That would terrify me!

At that age I was terrified of using the toilets at school when no-one else was in them. Was fine to go at lunchtime when there were other kids in there. Twas irrational of course. I also walked home with my little sister and no adults at that age. In the UK, although no roads to cross.

I assume it's cross country skiing rather than downhill ski slopes Viennese. DD would be so jealous if she knew some children ski home from school! I honestly think its less of an issue when the children are used to it. There's a good deal of training before the DC are allowed to walk home alone. Older children are expected to keep an eye on the younger. Classes are grouped so that children who live in the same street are in the same class so they have someone to walk with (fully appreciated that might not be the same in rural Finland). And most jealously guard the privilege of walking home alone. If DS misbehaves all I have to do is threaten to walk him to or pick him up from school

Is your OH Finnish? Because if it's a translation issue I've a friend who would put a few sentences into Finnish for you. I've also the impression that end of school day is far less stressful for the teachers in countries where the children walk home alone than from what I've heard about in the UK.

It is bloody brilliant being a 7 year old here, proper snow especially.

It's cross country skiing viennese the 'hills' are just little slopes so not too worried about her having an accident (plus I can see on my phone if she's in the same place for too long indicating an issue from her GPS thingy)

OH is Finnish, guess I'll ask him to write a note if needed. DD walks half way with her friend and next year another classmate will start walking who lives near us so they are planning to walk together or maybe cycle like most children in our area do.

It could be because of the extreme cold you have at the moment. Our bodies are designed to remove excess water if we get cold, veins constrict to increase blood flow to organs to keep them warm.

Might not be a long term issue and hopefully if the teacher reminds her for a bit, once its not quite so cold the issue will abate.

This thread makes me want to move to Finland!!! A land where 6yos are trusted enough to walk home in minus 15 temps - and manage it, largely without issue bar the odd wee! Makes you realise just how many layers of cotton wool the average British kid is wrapped in (including mine, I stress!)!

As to the issue at hand, I would have thought that it'd be so uncomfortable that she'd remember for next time, which does rather suggest it's a regression issue rather than a reminder issue?