Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

[Natsku]

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

I wouldn’t mind if you asked me, but I’d want to you realise thay some days I might be elsewhere/dealing with something else so won’t always be able to

I had this problem. Draw a toilet on her hand as a reminder.

Just keep reminding your DD to go to the toilet before they leave the school. My DDs have finally got the idea now. (They're 8 and 5.) And from what teachers on here have said, you should feel free to ask them for help with this. Just don't be annoyed if they forget sometimes. Hopefully, though, your DD will get the idea after being reminded a few times.

@frogsoup The average British child is 'wrapped' in cotton wool for good reason. Finland and more so Scandinavia is a totally different type of society. Compared to those societies, the UK is in the dark ages.

I don’t care if you’re living in the safest, nicest place in the world. 6 is too young to walk a 40 plus minute trip alone. SPD or not, and I had it terribly, you need to pick her up or arrange for someone who can.
she is a 6 year old pissing her self and walking in it for up to an hour.
The wetting herself is preventable.

greek, clearly in the OP's context it ISN'T too far or too young, seeing as it's totally the norm.

I'm sure the teacher would n't mind reminding her, (as long as she remembers herself!)

I had to do this and the teacher did it willingly. It only took a few days of reminders when they went to put their coats on for it to become part of DD’s routine and we haven’t had this issue since.
Can’t hurt to ask!

What an idyllic way to grow up. I’m well

It could be because of the extreme cold you have at the moment. Our bodies are designed to remove excess water if we get cold, veins constrict to increase blood flow to organs to keep them warm

That's interesting, didn't know that but come to think of it, I certainly need to wee more if out in the cold. And today was much warmer and she didn't have an accident.

I'd completely understand if the teacher doesn't remember herself of course, she must have so many things she needs to remember every day.

It's really not too young here Greek she has managed fine the majority of the time. If it wasn't for this issue I wouldn't even consider any other option because I think it's really good for her to do this, plus it means she gets a good hour and a half of exercise every day (she can manage the walk in half an hour in the mornings, it's only 2km, just a lot slower in the afternoons)

It is so idyllic ImListening I'm jealous of her too! She spends just 4 hours at school so has her afternoons free to play (and often she either goes to her friend's house or he comes to ours after school) and lately OH has been taking her for 4k cross country ski trips after school which she loves - she's going to enter a ski race next month, she only started skiing a few weeks ago!

no YABU

if she's old enough to walk home alone, she's old enough not to piss her pants on the way. And if she's still wetting herself because she can't plan her toiletting, she really isn't old enough to be walking home alone, is she?

My daughter used to do the same, I used to remind her myself and then eventually she got into the hang of things. I didn’t ask the teacher as I thought that they may have enough to deal with and at the end of the day and it isn’t the teachers job to remind her.

@VladmirsPoutine what good reasons? The UK used to be like that too, as recently as 30 years ago when children routinely roamed incomparably free compared to today. It's a choice we have made as a society, not some kind of predestined inevitability.

As a teacher it would be something i would be willing to try and help but as others have said, in the midst of all other end of day things I couldn't guarantee that I would remember every day.
If you called up and said 'any chance you could keep an eye on DC and check they are using the toilet through the day because...' then that would be reasonable.
If you called along the lines of an accident is embarrassing for DC and there's health and safety because it's cold so could yoy stop them each day and make sure they go before they leave school then that wouldn't be reasonable
Like others, i'd generally say if they can wall home alone then a strategy to help them remember themselves is better than relying on someone else to tell them they might need the toilet.

@frogsoup You've answered my point. It wasn't that long ago indeed when young children could roam the streets without fear. As a society things have changed. I never suggested it was predestined inevitability. I called it as it is. Things have changed and therefore freedom in that context has been limited.

If she is old enough to walk home alone surely she is old enough to go to the toilet without prompt?

This

@PoptartPoptart No. No. NO. This is not the case. In the society the OP lives in there are certain things that are just typical. Children often walk through wind, snow, rain and all sorts to get home. Children are afforded many opportunities by virtue of the society they live in. But that doesn't stop a child being essentially a child. The OP's child may very well require prompting but similarly can navigate their way home in a snow storm. Why can't people understand context! FFS!

I grew up in a similar type of society, not where OP is from but one that shares many similarities. Indeed women and men weren't as unequal there than in the UK. But I was still a child. Ergo I would cry if my sister pushed me or took my chocolate but I sure as hell could manage to walk home from a very early age in all weathers and in all circumstances.

If she’s forgetful can you make up reminder cards and put them in her coat pocket? Coat, bag, toilet stop.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are saying the risk has increased, therefore children have less freedom. I don't think that's the case. The perception of risk certainly has, but that's the main thing that needs to change for kids to regain their freedom, we dont need some total revolution! There were more, not fewer road casualties 30 years ago, yet parents didn't let that fear stop them.

I spent a fair bit of time as a kid in a country where it’s considered a developmental issue caused by very bad parenting if your 6yo cannot manage the walk to school and a basic shopping trip to the local shops solo.
It was brilliant

Currently wishing I grew up in Finland and that was I raising DS there! How wonderful to ski home from school
It'd be considered neglect to walk home from school if you lived next door to it in the UK!

I'm a teacher and wouldn't mind st all if a parent asked me to do this. The only problem is that I would probably forget. On another note, people asking how your daughter can walk home but not remember to go to the toilet. I'm nearly 40 and have over an hours commute home, sometimes I forget to go to the toilet before I leave and am desperate by the time I get home.

Exactly VladmirsPoutine walking home alone at 7 is just the norm here, but that doesn't stop a 7 year old still being a 7 year old and forgetting things sometimes. And children are just expected to hit certain milestones at different ages here than in the UK - like it's normal for them not to be able to read at DD's age but they would be considered to be a bit behind if they couldn't ice skate or ski at this age for example.

She says she doesn't want reminder notes Martell she was very adamant about that, no idea why though as they would be sensible.

Hah Badhairday! I forget to go to the toilet too!