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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

518 replies

Natsku · 24/01/2018 11:30

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

OP posts:

cookiedough1 · 24/01/2018 12:01

If she is old enough to walk home alone surely she is old enough to go to the toilet without prompt?

This.

Original poster

Natsku · 24/01/2018 12:02

She's nearly 7 (normal age to walk home alone here) and ought to be able to go without prompting but she struggles to remember things (if she would do it every day for a couple of weeks it would become habit and then I don't think it'd be a problem any more). The walk is about 40 minutes but it often takes her an hour or longer because she walks part way with her friend and messes about (and probably eats snow which doesn't help).

Putting a reminder on her coat might work, if it doesn't drop off at playtime or something, I'll give that a go tomorrow. Or the watch alarm idea. I'll try those first before considering again asking her teacher, it feels really awkward to ask anyway.

On that note, can I hijack the thread briefly? I recognise you as a poster who lives in a place where kids make their way home from school independently at a much earlier age than the UK is used to. At what age do they start getting mobiles? ie yesterday, id reallly have like to have known they were safe rather than lost (both kids delayed significantly). But at 6 and 8, is a mobile too much responsibility?

Normally children get a mobile when they start school so 6 or 7 years old, DD doesn't have one yet though, instead she has a GPS thingy so I can see where she is on her walk home and she can press an alert button if there's an issue - has come in very useful a few times, I wouldn't feel so comfortable with her walking if she didn't have it.

OP posts:

ittakes2 · 24/01/2018 12:07

Wow - 7 seems so young to be walking home alone for an hour. If she can’t remember a toilet stop - is it really safe for her to walk home crossing roads alone? I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask the teacher if she/he minded reminding her though.

TornadoOfToys · 24/01/2018 12:08

I'd ask the teacher. That's a long walk so I'm sure she'd understand.

I have called before and asked the teacher to make DD go to the loo if we have to catch the bus directly after school and she's always been happy to do it. Just sends her via toilets when they go to get snowsuits on.

Ours is same re walking home but as far as I'm aware phones aren't allowed until last year of primary.

Original poster

Natsku · 24/01/2018 12:08

Could it be about something else? You say that you are pregnant and also that your SPD is leaving you housebound - could she be anxious about you/the new baby? Toilet regression is a pretty common way for children to signal if there's something they're not coping with.

That's a possibility, she's had some other toilet issues the last couple of weeks (poo in her knickers nearly every day) which I had put down to constipation because she was pretty badly constipated but also seemed to be her not wiping properly. Toilet regression would explain that. That particular problem seems to be over now after I treated the constipation and had some reminder talks about wiping but maybe this is connected. Do I just ask her if she's worried about anything?

OP posts:

BringMeTea · 24/01/2018 12:09

I wouldn’t mind as a teacher but as people say, you will forget sometimes. I can see the responses changing a bit now you’ve said the walk length and age of dd. I think it’s great that other societies give so much more independence to children.

fruitbrewhaha · 24/01/2018 12:09

I think I'd write it in her snowsuit with a big black marker pen, or draw a picture of a loo.
Poor girl, it's not like you can go behind a bush if it's that cold.

cookiedough1 · 24/01/2018 12:11

She's nearly 7 (normal age to walk home alone here) and ought to be able to go without prompting but she struggles to remember thing

The walk is about 40 minutes but it often takes her an hour or longer because she walks part way with her friend and messes about

She clearly isn't ready to be walking that distance alone.

Original poster

Natsku · 24/01/2018 12:11

is it really safe for her to walk home crossing roads alone?

There's only one road to cross, the school road where lots of other children are crossing at the same time, the rest of the walk is through the forest on the ski/foot paths right up until our road, very safe walk.

OP posts:

meredintofpandiculation · 24/01/2018 12:13

Alarm of some sort to help her remember. Check about any worries she has about using the school loo. But there will still be accidents, and you're worried about wet clothing - would a shewee help?

NeverTwerkNaked · 24/01/2018 12:15

sounds like a heavenly way to walk home!!
Agree she might need some kind of reminder, a watch that can have an alarm set or similar? I was a scatter brain as a 7 year old and could easily see myself doing this.

VladmirsPoutine · 24/01/2018 12:15

Aren't you in Finland?

TornadoOfToys · 24/01/2018 12:18

No! Don't write it in her snowsuit, the other kids will see. Speak to the teacher!

Original poster

Natsku · 24/01/2018 12:18

Poor girl, it's not like you can go behind a bush if it's that cold.

Certainly not! She has about a million layers on, can't exactly strip them all off in the freezing cold and the snow to wee on the ground - would be so much easier if she was a boy!

She's managed the walk fine the whole school year so far, had a couple of wee accidents early in the Autumn term but then no more until now. And there is no other option, she has to walk alone because I literally can't walk, I can't walk more than two minutes without being in agony, and OH is at work. This is the only issue with the walk, she loves the freedom and responsibility otherwise (most of the time, a bit less keen on it when it's very cold and dark in the morning but OH is sometimes able to drop her off before work in the mornings). I'll check if she's eating snow as that's obviously going to make her need to wee more. She's just home now.

OP posts:

mumeeee · 24/01/2018 12:22

Nearly 7 would be considered much too young to walk home alone in the UK.
I actually think a 40 minute walk is to far for a nearly 7 year old to be walking home on their own. How safe is the road she has to cross?
However that's not the point of the thread. Would it be possible to get her a watch that has an alarm set to remind her to go to the toilet at home time?

MrsSpenserGregson · 24/01/2018 12:22

I'd buy her a cheap mobile phone, and text her every day at school kicking-out time "GO TO THE TOILET"

PragmaticWench · 24/01/2018 12:27

Constipation can also affect wee accidents, so that may be a factor still?

GreenTulips · 24/01/2018 12:29

Ash the teacher to reminder

Nobody will mind! It's important for her health as well as her skin.

Really not a 'that parent' issue

MiaowTheCat · 24/01/2018 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Natsku · 24/01/2018 12:38

No! Don't write it in her snowsuit, the other kids will see

Not a problem if I write in English! Though moot point as she just told me she doesn't want a note on her snowsuit or backpack.
No accident today though!

Yes Finland Vladmirs

The road is quite safe mumeee quiet road, only cars at that time of day are the few parents that do pick up their children. I'm going to get her a watch as soon as I get my maternity pay on Friday as that seems the most likely to succeed option that doesn't involve bothering the teacher. If that doesn't work I'm writing "GO WEE" on her hand!!

It's an absolutely lovely way to walk NeverTwerkNaked beautiful forest, very peaceful and no cars to worry about (just occasionally the machine that does the ski tracks but that of course goes very slowly and carefully because of skiers so she has plenty of time to get out of the way). Soon she'll be able to ski to school instead of walk, once she's had a bit more practice with OH so that she can get up the biggest hill by herself - then she'd be a lot quicker so less time to need a wee!

OP posts:

Original poster

Natsku · 24/01/2018 12:42

the first sign the constipation's getting to be an issue again is often pee accidents in her knickers

Right then I'll start giving her the lactulose again and see if that helps. She should be getting her 7 year check up with the school nurse soon (I think, that's what supposed to happen at least) so will ask about the constipation then. I've got an old fitbit rip-off somewhere, I wonder if it does a vibrating alarm.

OP posts:

Biddie191 · 24/01/2018 12:42

Check with her that she's happy using the school loo - my daughter used to come home and rush to the loo, and I realised that she hated going to the school loos, a mix of 'other people can hear', them not always being as clean as they should be due to other pupils' habits, and also bullying by older children. Hopefully it's not this, but just worth asking.
Sounds like a lovely place though :-) Hope you get to the bottom of it (no pun intended...)

imamum21 · 24/01/2018 12:45

does the school have a diary? our school does, i can write in things like the name of aftercare so DD remembers thats where she is going after school etc or notes to the teacher, they also write what homework they have to do that week and anything that we need to know. you could always speak to the teacher explain whats happening and if they could maybe mention the toilet at end of class to all pupils etc, im sure the teacher wouldnt mind something like bye see you all tomorrow, mind go to the toilet if you need too or something like that

Original poster

Natsku · 24/01/2018 12:45

She's fine with the school loo, her class has its own individual ones so no worry about older children being there and there's one just off their cloakroom so easy for her to get to when they're getting dressed up to leave

OP posts:

TittyGolightly · 24/01/2018 12:47

I asked DD’s teacher to do this when she started school (but she was only 3 at the time).

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