Would it BU to ask the teacher to remind DD to go to the loo before hometime?

[Natsku]

DD nearly always forgets to go to a wee before she leaves school and then she ends up desperately needing it while on the walk home and the last few days she's come home soaked from wetting herself (which is not just unpleasant for her but verging on dangerous as I expect walking in wet clothes increases the risks of hypothermia and it's been -15 lately in the afternoons)

I'm not there to remind her myself as she walks alone and I just physically can't go to pick her up at the moment because my SPD is too bad and no amount of reminding her in the morning seems to help her remember by hometime, but I'm worried it would be a bit unreasonable to ask the teacher to take responsibility for reminding her as she is probably very busy at hometime and I don't want to be that parent (I'm worried I already am for some other reasons and don't want to be more of a bother) but fed up of washing DD's snowsuit every day and her skin on her inner thighs is getting really sore from the wee and the wet trousers rubbing on her.

As a teacher I wouldn't mind reminding her to, but I wouldn't promise to as I know full well that home time is hectic and I'd forget to do it. Too much else going on.

What about attaching a little home checklist in her bag or something (laminated and attached to a clip) to remind her to bring books, lunchbox or whatever you have, and also to go to the toilet?

And let it be said that Finland is one of the highest achieving nations with regards to primary education. Their way of doing things might seem odd but certainly something is working with regards to their levels of numeracy and literacy when it comes to child development.

Can you drive and go collect her? Great that she can walk home herself but sounds like she’s having a little trouble on this long walk.
I don’t think she should be walking that long walk home herself and that part of the Finnish norm is a bit ridiculous but that’s what they all do so that’s what they do.

I'm willing to forgive a primary-aged child that forgets to go to the toilet before leaving school if said child is a cohort of young children topping European league tables in numeracy and literacy without being hot-housed throughout it in a typically English grammar school and navigating a snow-storm.

I don't drive so I can't (and the car is with OH at work anyway)

I asked this with dd as she was coming out of the school absolutely wetting herself but then she has asd and a 1-2-1 so a different situation. SAYIng that I wouldn't let my 6/7 year old walk home alone as we use to do that as kids and my brother had an accident and had to be rushed to hospital with no parent around. Here where I am schools wouldn't let you do that anyway till year 6. Which is good IMO.

I live in a similar place. I think it would be fair to ask the teacher to remind her if she remembers, but on the understanding that it is "if she remembers" and that you won't told her responsible if your daughter wets herself. Does she has a kick sled (spark)? That might get her home faster and they are easier to manoeuvre than skis.

Saying that, I need to pee about every 5 minutes when I am out in -15. No matter how many times I pee before I go out the door, I'm desperate as soon as the cold hits me. I think it is just one of those things that come with living in a cold climate.

YANBU. I’m sure the teacher will be happy to help.

I think that if the culture is that the kids walk home with snowsuits on for a reasonable distance then it would be good for all the kids to go to the loo before they set off. So maybe it could be built into their routine as a class? They are still quite young to remember for themselves. Sounds like a lovely walk home.

It's not that young, at my dc school they walk home in juniors so from age 7.

I want to move to Finland now

Hope you manage to sort it op, sounds like she has a lovely life

it sounds bloody brilliant being a 7 year old in Finland

It's the norm in many other European countries as well.

Draw a picture of something random in her snow suit, so only you two know it means 'go for a wee'. Maybe put a pebble in her pocket too as a reminder or a bright hair band round her wrist.

The watch alarm is a great idea.

She does have a kick sled sonjadog I'll suggest that to her. Just checked the forecast and we're practically having a heatwave tomorrow - over zero and going to rain all day so won't suggest it for tomorrow at least.

If I put something random as a reminder she'll just forget what it's meant to remind her about 43percent!

She says she doesn't want a note on her coat OP, maybe because other children would see it, even if it was in English. What about a tape, like a name tape somewhere she could either see it or feel it to give her a prompt? it might not have a message on it, just something to trigger her memory.

Maybe a pretty ribbon in an odd place inside her suit - perhaps near the zip of her snowsuit or as an extra "pull tab" on her zip, or one of those phone charm things on the zip pull?
If she doesn't want anything others can see try "feel" for a reminder. I'm thinking maybe something like a thin ribbon or elastic across the inside palm of her glove. |It's easy to stitch and not really noticeable when actually wearing them. However, when she put her hand in her glove she'll feel it and have to move it slightly to get her hand in comfortably. Practice at home and on the weekend "when you feel the tape, (see or pull the ribbon ) go to the loo".

My friend's child had a watch alarm thing to remind him. This sort of thing: www.watchshop.com/unisex-casio-classic-alarm-chronograph-watch-f-91wc-4a2ef-p99936351.html?utm_source=froogle&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=shoppingfeeds&source=froogle&nst=0&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIx5fwr7nx2AIVbLXtCh3jfARsEAQYASABEgL8P_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Could you get her something similar to a fitbit that you could set an alarm to vibrate rather than ring a few minutes before the end of school, have it re-ring until she switches it and that she is only allowed turn it off once she has been to the loo.

I would also say something to the teacher as I would half wondering is there a reason she is avoiding using the loo there or using it very quickly ( the no wiping), maybe bullying/messing in the loo.

Sorry the only reason I said set to vibrate is that the other kids would not know in case that would upset her.

That watch I linked to has a vibrating alarm

Sorry Jiggly, I think I was typing so did not see the link. I managed to get an paper cut across four fingers on one had so typing is taking me forever :)

I've not rtft but we have a 30-60 min walk home (depending on park or dawdling) and its generally minus 10 to minus 20, so kids are in snow suits and I just tell my kids off for not using the toilet before we left nursery or tell them to hurry up and get home. Mine are just turned 3 and 4.5 and its rare we have a need to wee issue even if they refuse to go and wee before we leave nursery.

So I'd be inclined to think either your daughter has a medical issue, its pure laziness (not holding it in and rushing home) or its attention seeking and I'd deal with it accordingly.

I don't think that is the teachers priorities at the end of their school day, sorry OP.

Is there no way of reminding your daughter? Does she have a watch that an album could be set a minute after home time to remind her?

OP, please don't let her walk home on her own, it's not as if she only has to walk around the corner. We had three instances of girls been pulled into cars when my DD was at school and on two of those occasions the men kept trying (in some instances just calling to them to get their attention initially) until they had a girl they could keep hold of, so this affected a few girls. We live in a nice area (not expensive) so it can happen anywhere.

Oh ffs ifonly it's because of paranoia like that that UK kids are locked in watching TV every afternoon while Finnish ones get to wander free as birds through forests on skis. i may exaggerate for effect, but actually not very much.

No one is trying to pull DD into their car or anything like that, I'm not going to let paranoia stop DD from doing normal things that children do here. Stranger abductions are incredibly rare, none in living history in my town.
And anyway, there is no other option right now, she either walks alone or she doesn't go to school which is obviously not an option.