Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10 as a gift?

291 replies

roconnell · 24/01/2018 10:54

DP and I have received an evening invitation from one of my friends from uni, who I was fairly close to at the time, but haven't seen for over a year. DP has never met this friend or their soon to be spouse.

The invitation has come with one of those poems, along the lines of 'we have everything we could possibly need, but a little extra cash would be great,' type thing.
The issue is we could literally only afford £10 max. I'm part way through a masters degree and surviving mostly off a loan, and DP is also a student, and works part time in a very low paying job. AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10, or would it be better to just give nothing? Blush

OP posts:
ArmySal · 24/01/2018 10:58

Something is better than nothing, surely? If she's invited you she obviously likes you and should understand if you can't afford more.

x2boys · 24/01/2018 10:59

Give £10 if that's what you can afford i gave my cousin and his wife £30 as it was all I could afford .

Greensleeves · 24/01/2018 11:01

YANBU

it's only an evening invitation

MadMags · 24/01/2018 11:04

Just don’t go! It won’t only be £10 when you add up all the costs, will it?

If things are that tight then it’s a cost you don’t need!

ObiJuanKenobi · 24/01/2018 11:05

I wouldn't worry at all for an evening invite, £10 is more than I would expect.

thecatsthecats · 24/01/2018 11:05

£10 would be absolutely fine for me, though if you feel weird about it, I'd get them a bottle of wine or prosecco.

LovelyBranches · 24/01/2018 11:07

I think a bottle of something looks nicer. £10 looks like you forgot to get something so you took money out of your purse on the way there.

It’s fine if it’s all you can afford but as a pp said, the wedding will cost more than that to attend so it may be out of your reach right now

Highpeak · 24/01/2018 11:08

I wouldn't expect gifts at all from an evening guest. Just a card would be fine, especially if you will incur costs going there.

Knittedfairies · 24/01/2018 11:08

If it's a cash bar it's going to cost you more than a tenner...

PurpleCrazyHorse · 24/01/2018 11:09

I'd consider sending them a nice card wishing them a wonderful marriage and decline the invite. It's not just the £10 gift, there's no doubt costs to get there, a drink or two at the venue etc

Oysterbabe · 24/01/2018 11:10

I think it's fine but 2 drinks at the party will probably cost about £10, can you afford to go at all?

Ellendegeneres · 24/01/2018 11:11

I think it’s cheeky in the extreme to include the money request in a card for evening invite guests. I have no problem with the two-tier invitation side but if I invite someone to a party (which the evening bit is) I don’t expect or want them to give me anything, it’s my pleasure to host and see/spend time with them.

I’d consider not going op, if your finances are that tight your expenditure is likely to be more than you can comfortably afford anyway

thecatsthecats · 24/01/2018 11:11

I was assuming OP had figured out that things cost money tbh, and that the £10 was explicitly what she could give on top as a gift..

MadMags · 24/01/2018 11:12

Possibly cats. But someone she hasn’t really spoken to in years, someone not known to her dp...

It’s money that could be spent elsewhere.

silvousplaitmerci · 24/01/2018 11:13

They're cheeky to ask for cash but I wouldn't stick a tenner in a card at a wedding.

Buy them a bottle and, if you're as skint as you make out, don't go.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 24/01/2018 11:14

I'm sorry to go against the grain, but I think it looks mean for a couple to attend the wedding (even if only the evening reception) and give just £10

If you're keen to go, but have a low budget, I agree with PP that a bottle of wine would be better. Or perhaps make up a collage of photos, or maybe give them a Groupon voucher ?

Or, if funds are very tight, I think I probably decline and send a card wishing them well

NewYearNiki · 24/01/2018 11:14

I wouldn't go at all.

You haven't seen them for a year and it's only an evening invitation

It is not just the present but the costs of getting there et al.

If you're strapped for cash I wouldn't go.

0nTheEdge · 24/01/2018 11:15

If you want to go and can afford the other costs associated, I'd say go and put the £10 in a card or get a nice bottle of prosecco. I think the most important thing is going and celebrating part of their special day with them. If I had done evening invites to mine I'd have been inviting people because I wanted them to be there and to see them, not to bump up the cash pot.

Greensleeves · 24/01/2018 11:17

allthegood, £10 only looks mean to those who are not used to associating with people on a low income

there are whole communities of people out there who couldn't afford to stump up more than £10 for a gift, you know

SheilaFentiman · 24/01/2018 11:19

I'd go, not put in any money and write in the card that you'd love to take her and new DH for a drink when they are back from honeymoon.

MichaelBendfaster · 24/01/2018 11:19

What Greensleeves said. I''d be happy to receive £10. Having said that, I'd never ask for wedding money (or presents, for that matter); I'd just invite people because I wanted to spend the day/evening with them.

If they're friends and they have the tiniest inkling of manners, they'll be pleased to receive it.

ClareB83 · 24/01/2018 11:20

I'm not expecting gifts from evening guests. But please don't get a bottle of wine - the wedding isn't at their home and it's just another thing to schlep Home. They would probably rather choose their own wine too.

Hillingdon · 24/01/2018 11:21

How much will it cost you to get there, new outfit etc. If you can only afford £10 then I wouldn't go but I do like the sound of a bottle of something. M&S often do half price champagne if that helps.

Bar bills have a habit of flooring you especially if you start chatting to people and it becomes 'your' round!

Original poster
roconnell · 24/01/2018 11:21

I was assuming OP had figured out that things cost money tbh, and that the £10 was explicitly what she could give on top as a gift..

Yes, all other costs are factored in. Things aren't usually so tight, but the particular month that the wedding is in will be very expensive for us for various reasons. If it was in another month, it would be absolutely fine. We are definitely going to go.

OP posts:
MadMags · 24/01/2018 11:22

Yeah bringing a bottle is odd. Like you’re rocking up to a dinner party!