AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10 as a gift?

[roconnell]

DP and I have received an evening invitation from one of my friends from uni, who I was fairly close to at the time, but haven't seen for over a year. DP has never met this friend or their soon to be spouse.

The invitation has come with one of those poems, along the lines of 'we have everything we could possibly need, but a little extra cash would be great,' type thing.
The issue is we could literally only afford £10 max. I'm part way through a masters degree and surviving mostly off a loan, and DP is also a student, and works part time in a very low paying job. AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10, or would it be better to just give nothing?

Michael, it was an apposite post of yours.

To cats, I'm not sure who you think is projecting but just in case it's everybody, thinking about it I would say that I'd ALWAYS give a good gift (and I don't mind money) for a daytime reception but I see evening 'poems' as graspy and rude. Reason being is that if I loved the couple, I wouldn't need a poem, I'd slip something into the card without being asked. If you have to ask, then you shouldn't.

Since when did evening invitations attract these 'poems'? That's 'new', isn't it? Happy to be corrected but I still hate them. If you're close to a couple you don't need 'prompting' with mawkish nonsense and if you're not... then you're drafted in to make up the numbers and you owe nothing.

Another thread on here about the "wedding poem" asking for cash, bloody cheek, yes a little cash would be great for everyone!!

I never gift for evening do's.

People have only suggested not going because of OP’s finances. It’s not some out of left field suggestion

Some people have suggested not going AFTER the OP made clear that they were attending.
Thanks for the face though.

I'd just give a nice card. If you hardly ever see them, it doesn't really matter if they think you're tight. Go and have a lovely time.
(Oh and PP whining she shouldn't go because it will cost money for new outfits and travel - OP hasn't said how far away it is: might be all of a £1.50 bus fare to get there. And most people have at least one party outfit in the wardrobe so don't need to buy a new one.)

It is quite a distance from us. Between 2 and 2 and a half hours. But that's not important. The cost of that is already covered.

In theory, they’ve invited you because they want to see you.
There’s no obligation to give a gift - as the poem says, they’ve got everything they need.
Go, have a good time & give them your best wishes. If they were friends they’d understand that money was tight (esp if they’ve ever been students themselves!)

Just out of curiosity, are you going because you both want to go, or because you feel like you should?!

Are they going on a honey moon? 10 Euros or dollars etc would show you put some thought in to it.

My best friend got married last year, i was her bridesmaid. She’s been my best friend since I was 3.

She lives 200 miles away so to go, we needed travel, hotel for two nights, I had to buy shoes, food for the time we were away etc etc.

Money was (and is!) really tight for us, they had asked for cash. I felt like putting £10 in a card for someone so significant in my life was a bit shit.

I found this card maker who makes handmade cards out of antique bits of clock... it sounds shit but it looked beautiful and they are very arty couple, it was two lovebirds made out of music scripts and clock pieces.

I read that clocks, along with paper, are first anniversary gifts in some cultures, so wrote a little thing in the card about how I thought that on their first anniversary they could frame it, which they did. They loved it.

Obviously, I would have loved to be able to donate loads of money or buy them a lavish gift but we just couldn’t and this way it was something really meaningful that they could keep.

MadMags

Because we want to. You seem quite determined that we shouldn't though.

What sort of relationship did/ do you have? If they would get the joke and wouldn’t take offence, just write a little poem back. Something like:

A little note to say
We hope you have a lovely day
We wish this gift was more
But we are 2 students rather poor.

Then write how you feel about their union. You’re going to a lot of effort and expense to see them so I assume you were really good friends at some stage.

You've been invited so they obviously want your company, so go and enjoy celebrating with our friend; put £10 if you can afford it and not if you can't, would hate to think any friends of mine would turn down an invite over money, friendship is worth far more than that!

Really bugs me when people say 'buy a bottle of something / picture frame, instead of giving cash / a card, they've specifically said they don't want 'things', so why do those posters always think they know the mind of the person who's asked for no gifts more than the person themselves?! How arrogant of them!

I've only read the first page but I would say go and put the £10 in. It will be fine.

DO NOT think it will be better to buy them a bottle.

We asked for either no presents, or a contribution to a particular but extremely unusual thing for our wedding. Several people couldn't get their heads around what we were asking for so a couple of them bought nice bottles of wine/fizz, and a couple of others bought some very nice things.

We don't drink wine/fizz and we didn't want or need the other things so they all got donated to various charity raffles etc.

We would have preferred they saved the money they "wasted" tbh even though of course their intentions were good.

What the fuck?! They invited you over for an evening and they want you to pay for the privilege?

At a real, real push you ask people to bring a bottle, or maybe a bit of dessert or something. Not hard cash.

Ooooops, I just realised it's a wedding reception not an evening meal. I have managed to totally confuse myself!

I would give a £10 voucher and just explain that you're sorry you can't afford more at the mo.

The OP said it’s an evening invite

Meh evening invitations get a card. ‘You’re not good enough to come to the whole thing but please travel hours and give us money anyway’.

Nope.

Anyone who's tacky enough to tout for cash from evening guests is going to find a tenner offensive. So I'd just give them a card (actually, I wouldn't go at all).

I invited guests to my wedding because I wanted their company on my special day. I appreciated gifts but didn't expect them. If someone could only afford to give me £10 I'd be grateful.

I'd just write a card saying "congratulations, have a drink on us" and put £10 in. You've been invited for your presence not your presents!

Honestly, I wouldn't give £10. Have a look on NOTH, there are some lovely Mr & Mrs type gifts around your price bracket. Or buy a personalised card online and a nice frame for them to put it in.

www.notonthehighstreet.com/search?utf8=%E2%9C%93&term=mr%20and%20mrs&filter[category_id]=15000&filter[price_at_least]=10&filter[price_at_most]=15

Don't give the cash, give a cheque for £10. Then you can cancel it if she shames you in any way about it.

'Really bugs me when people say 'buy a bottle of something / picture frame, instead of giving cash / a card, they've specifically said they don't want 'things', so why do those posters always think they know the mind of the person who's asked for no gifts more than the person themselves?! How arrogant of them!'

Because it's bloody rude and arrogant for people to tell people what to get them as a gift.

Asking for money is a bit CFish so I see nothing wrong with giving £10 in response.

Can you stretch to a £15 voucher for Just-eat, and tell them to have a curry on you? Looks like you've put a bit of thought in.

A lonely tenner in a card looks a bit sad TBH.