AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10 as a gift?

[roconnell]

DP and I have received an evening invitation from one of my friends from uni, who I was fairly close to at the time, but haven't seen for over a year. DP has never met this friend or their soon to be spouse.

The invitation has come with one of those poems, along the lines of 'we have everything we could possibly need, but a little extra cash would be great,' type thing.
The issue is we could literally only afford £10 max. I'm part way through a masters degree and surviving mostly off a loan, and DP is also a student, and works part time in a very low paying job. AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10, or would it be better to just give nothing?

Love how everyone is assuming the OP is an idiot who thinks the gift is the only money to consider

I would assume drinks/travel/outfit costs have already been taken care of and this is just about the gift.

Anyway, YANBU op, give what you can afford.

Also if everyone stuck a tenner in a card instead of buying useless tat that people don't want it would add up to a bigger sum of money.

Some very snobby people on here who would turn their noses up at 'a lonely tenner'

Cant you save a little from the other months before the wedding? It’s a shame it’s so inconvenient that month but maybe a nice gift voucher of ten or twenty quid towards something would look better in a card. I don’t want to make you feel awful but I would be embarrassed to put a tenner in a card for a wedding. Or is there anyone going you could go halves with on something?
Although I will stress my fiancé is Irish and we have gone to many weddings doing it the Irish way so I may be quite biased!
Good luck

Take a bottle, or just write a lovely card.
Don't put £10 in a card

Thanks everyone. Some good suggestions here. It's interesting that it seems to be such a divisive issue.

Assuming that you aren't as skint as me, how much would you all ideally give for a wedding?

Depends - family, friend or acquaintance, whether they’ve specifically asked for anything, costs associated with attending, whether they’re brewstered or skint, what else I’ve got to fork out for that year.

Crikey, what sort of person expects a guest to give more than they can afford as a wedding gift and would take offence if they didn't? Not the sort of person who's wedding you should waste your time going to, that's for sure.

'Assuming that you aren't as skint as me, how much would you all ideally give for a wedding?'

I don't go to weddings where I'm told to stump up cash. But it seems every Irish person gives hundreds of euros. Thankfully, in the UK, most people give what they can afford.

Is there an evening buffet @roconnell? Tb absolutely honest I think this is a tricky one, from someone who got married recently, I do think £10 looks a bit tight but just a card might look worse. I think I'm with other posters and would really consider not going

Your friend invited you as she wants you to share her special day. She said doesn’t expect gifts. So don’t get a gift. They are saying give cash for those who are position to get something and you aren’t so don’t. I genuinely don’t think people invite their friends to their wedding and go home waiting to count up. Put in card you hope to be able to meet up with her and husband soon and hope finances are bit better so you can treat them to a meal or take away at that point. I’d just be delighted you were making effort to come to my wedding and pay for travel etc to share my day, particularly when you had to budget. Enjoy the wedding and not the crazy guilt trip everyone putting you on.

This is a weird thread.. couple ask for cash, you offer cash and loads of people say 'give them wine. 10 pounds is fine and not necessarily expected from evening guests

Good idea @Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g , I think that would be a lovely thing to do

At our wedding we didn't have evening guests you were just invited to everything. Daytime meal, evening BBQ, FREE BAR!! And yes I would have been miffed to just get a tenner from a guest (sure I'll get slammed for saying that!!) your situation is obviously a little different

Take a bottle of something instead, there’s a nice gin in Marks and Spencer that’s half price at the moment £10 instead of £20 ??? That’s might be better than just giving a tenner. I think it’s really cheeky asking evening guests for money!

My daughter is currently arranging a wedding and has set up a list for those who want it - she certainly wouldn't feel aggrieved at no gift or off list purchases. All are all day guests, no evening, no cash bar, easy cheap travel. There are wildly varying guests attending in terms of finances - millionaires to scraping by post grads and artists so there are some very expensive items , lots of nice medium and cheaper stuff ( or clubable together items) and some charity donation options for the sort of people who want to sponsor a goat in your name as an Xmas present. £10 would not be looked down on at all from her cash strapped friends. My niece married last year and did the poem thing, saying that if anything at all, a help with the honeymoon, so I put 100e in a card, which went down well as something towards the spending money.

At our wedding we had cards with money ranging from 5 pounds to around 50 pounds in them. I was extremely grateful for them all and tbh anything over 20 pounds I was at because it was just so, so generous. 10 pounds is absolutely fine and I'm sure they will be grateful

Some of our guests didn't get us anything, one got us a £3 pot stand which we've used a lot, more than the more expensive blenders or whatever! I honestly didn't care! We didn't have separate evening guests but I wouldn't expect evening guests to necessarily give in general. I think they would rather you were there with a card than you missed it for feeling bad about your gift size!

When is the wedding?

I suspect she put it in because if any evening guest did want to bring something, she'd rather it was cash than a gift - I wouldn't take it as an instruction or expectation. She's a friend - she knows you aren't a zillionaire!

OP, please don’t rock up with a bottle.

If you can only afford £10, then stretch yourself further.

If I were in your position, I’d write her a letter. I’d say that you’re so happy to ha e been invited and really looking forward to it. Explain that you’d rather not just the small amount that you can afford at the moment, but instead you’d like to have her and her new husband over for an indulgent dinner soon after they return from honeymoon.

Then dont stretch yourself further

People putting their nose up at a tenner and actually saying they would be miffed. Shame on you. Some people can only afford that amount, you should be happy if they put a pound in the card and made the effort to come. Grabbiness at it's absolute finest. Disgusting. Not everyone has spare 50 Quid's they can throw in cards

I wouldn't bring a cash gift to an evening reception, at most bring a bottle and a card. If you are not invited to the actual wedding, why would you need to bring a gift?
People who have evening receptions don't expect gifts, and many don't even provide an open bar anyway.

If it was the whole day, and you can't afford more than £10, then just give £10.

Honestly I wouldn't give £10, just a card would be better.

Generally I would give €100 - €150 for a full invite and €50 for just the evening.

I've been to more than one wedding where I haven't given a gift at all...I think that by the time you have spent out on an outfit, travel, accomodation etc you end up spending a small fortune as it is. The happy couple will get plenty of things so they are not likely to notice if one or two guests don't give much.

I got married in August and can honestly say I would have much preffered £10 than another pair of Mr and Mrs mugs 😂😂