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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10 as a gift?

291 replies

roconnell · 24/01/2018 10:54

DP and I have received an evening invitation from one of my friends from uni, who I was fairly close to at the time, but haven't seen for over a year. DP has never met this friend or their soon to be spouse.

The invitation has come with one of those poems, along the lines of 'we have everything we could possibly need, but a little extra cash would be great,' type thing.
The issue is we could literally only afford £10 max. I'm part way through a masters degree and surviving mostly off a loan, and DP is also a student, and works part time in a very low paying job. AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10, or would it be better to just give nothing? Blush

OP posts:
RebeccaCloud9 · 24/01/2018 13:36

I think it is much more rude to turn up to a wedding with nothing than to ask for cash on an invite.

I don't think the amount matters at all and giving a tenner is completely acceptable, especially for an evening guest. But don't turn up with nothing.

They asked for cash so cash would be best. I don't know why people have suggested giving something else!

MadMags · 24/01/2018 13:37

I’m not determined that you shouldn’t go!

How odd that you should think so, as if it affects me in any way. Confused

I asked because the first paragraph of your OP was about how you’re not close and your dp doesn’t know them.

SandAndSea · 24/01/2018 13:40

I would write or find a heartfelt poem and write it in the card, with the tenner. I did something similar years ago and it was much appreciated. Personally, I think it is the thought that counts.

Bluntness100 · 24/01/2018 13:47

I would find it embarrassing to give someone a card with a tenner stuck in it for their wedding. I'd probably have a bottle delivered to their home in advance with a card.

Greyponcho · 24/01/2018 13:50

bluntness
I would find it mortifying thinking that guests felt obliged to give more than they could afford

ShastaTrinity · 24/01/2018 13:52

I would find it embarrassing to give someone a card with a tenner stuck in it for their wedding.

why on earth would you be embarrassed? You judge yourself based on your income? You feel like you have to show-off? If you can't afford more, you can't afford more, what's the big deal.

expatinscotland · 24/01/2018 13:55

'from someone who got married recently, I do think £10 looks a bit tight but just a card might look worse. I think I'm with other posters and would really consider not going'

Wow, you'd rather not have had guests you invited attend your wedding if they didn't hand you a wad of cash? Should have just charged admission, it would have been more honest.

Wow1234 · 24/01/2018 13:55

I liked the idea of one poster of offering to cook them a nice meal at your home but not sure they live close to you?

I would buy a really nice card and write some nice words in it and leave out the cash. I think if money is tight it's better not to stretch yourself and a friend would totally not expect you to.

RatRolyPoly · 24/01/2018 14:00

Go! Don't take a gift. I'm hoping everyone will assume I'm joking if I say I've never brought a gift - maybe I am - but either way I still have friends.

B1rdsingarden · 24/01/2018 14:02

Considering your income I think that £10 is fine with a nice card and a thoughtful message. In the future you can meet up with your friend. I agree if everyone donates £10 it all adds up.

gamerchick · 24/01/2018 14:04

They asked for cash so cash would be best. I don't know why people have suggested giving something else

Because asking for cash is rude as fuck. As has been said, just charge an admission fee.

Asking for cash from the B guests is just laughable. People never cease to amaze me on how cheeky they are.

octonaught · 24/01/2018 14:05

Obviously go, just put a tenner in a card and have a good time.
Your friend is not going to keep a spreadsheet of who gave what.
She knows you are both students & working part time.
She will have a load of cards & a pile of cash in total anyway.

Just concentrate on being a good guest & having fun! I have noticed at weddings that the evening guests get the party going when the day guests are flagging.
Have fun & don't worry OP!

Aeroflotgirl · 24/01/2018 14:05

Yanbu at all, give what you are able to afford.

GetShitDone · 24/01/2018 14:06

The reason I ask when the wedding is, is that you say any other month would be ok, it's just that one that's tight. Wedding invitations usually go out well in advance, so could you not use the months ahead of the wedding to get another £20 together?

expatinscotland · 24/01/2018 14:09

'The reason I ask when the wedding is, is that you say any other month would be ok, it's just that one that's tight. Wedding invitations usually go out well in advance, so could you not use the months ahead of the wedding to get another £20 together?'

Dear god! You really think people should save up so they can throw more cash at a tacky couple who ask for money to attend an evening do? The OP has already explained that the tenner is on top of the expenses they will incur to attend the evening do.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/01/2018 14:09

Bluntness and others thinking along the same lines, that is awful! Op has said she is strapped for cash, how sad that she feels she could not go, as she cannot afford to give something more, totally misses the point. I would rather have guests there celebrating with me, than to hold back because they felt ashamed because they could not afford a decent present.

At my wedding, I was well aware that some of my friends or family were not well off. That is why we said on invites that we did not want gifts, that we wanted people to celebrate with us. If they contacted us to ask what we wanted, we just said either vouchers for X store or anything you feel we would like. We got some £10 vouchers from some, that we put together to buy something nice.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/01/2018 14:11

Very sad that attending is based on how much you give.

RatRolyPoly · 24/01/2018 14:12

I'd hate it if all my friends didn't come to my party because they felt stretched to bring a gift. Then I'd have no gifts AND no party!

SheilaFentiman · 24/01/2018 14:13

YY, RatRP!

DownHereInTheHorridHouse · 24/01/2018 14:19

They want cash, give them cash. It's really easy - and I would much rather have £10 from various people that adds up than gin or a poem or cards made out of clock parts as mentioned above. They don't want stuff, and good on them for that.

Get a cheap card too - they're meaningless, so spend 29p rather than £3 Wink.

SaucyJack · 24/01/2018 14:21

"You really think people should save up so they can throw more cash at a tacky couple who ask for money to attend an evening do?"

Er, yeah?

But I don't go the weddings of people I haven't seen in years. (Not least because I don't get invited)

If I was friends enough with someone to attend their wedding, then we're friends enough that I would want to save up and put a bit more than a tenner in a card.

If one (not particularly meaning the OP) feels resentful or bitter about the effort involved in attending a standard wedding, then it's probably a sign that one shouldn't go. Go graciously, or not at all. Don't just turn up for a free night out.

expatinscotland · 24/01/2018 14:24

'If I was friends enough with someone to attend their wedding, then we're friends enough that I would want to save up and put a bit more than a tenner in a card.'

And if you didn't have anything spare to save to front more cash (what kind of friend even asks other friends for money as a gift?) then you just wouldn't go? Because it's entirely possible the OP has no extra money to save as she says the tenner is on top of the other expenses to attend the wedding.

ZanyMobster · 24/01/2018 14:26

Seriously only on MN does everyone care about this so much. Anyone decent person would be happy about receiving any sort of gift and nothing wrong with receiving a request for cash, most people I know are happy to give friends something theywill enjoy/use. Give it if you can, don't if you can afford it, anyone who would be offended at a tenner doesn't deserve it!

InfiniteSheldon · 24/01/2018 14:26

Evening guests don't have to take gifts if you cant afford a gift don't give one.

Aeroflotgirl · 24/01/2018 14:27

Op put a £10 in the card and go and have a good time. For many, £10 is a lot, some are on the bones of their arse, that they have to calculate to the penny, so they should not be able to go to weddings then or have a nice time! Really some people totally have the wrong perspective. I would feel so bad, that one of my friends or family, felt they had to save for months, to give me a wedding present, that would really hurt. I would rather they come, give me a card or a bottle of Lambrini, and have a good time.