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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10 as a gift?

291 replies

roconnell · 24/01/2018 10:54

DP and I have received an evening invitation from one of my friends from uni, who I was fairly close to at the time, but haven't seen for over a year. DP has never met this friend or their soon to be spouse.

The invitation has come with one of those poems, along the lines of 'we have everything we could possibly need, but a little extra cash would be great,' type thing.
The issue is we could literally only afford £10 max. I'm part way through a masters degree and surviving mostly off a loan, and DP is also a student, and works part time in a very low paying job. AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10, or would it be better to just give nothing? Blush

OP posts:
millymae · 25/01/2018 21:58

Call me stupid but I cannot for the life of me see why it would it be better for OP to give a gift rather than just £10.00 in cash. The couple have gone to the trouble of stating a preference for cash gifts - presumably they want money for a reason and OP’s gift will simply be added to all the other money they receive.

Dalamane · 25/01/2018 22:16

£25,000 for a wedding - i'd rather have the money in my bank account.

See it, want - it at any cost - bloody madness.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 25/01/2018 22:21

Don’t give her £10. Write her a very good letter that she will remember and a good bottle of wine. That is worth more than £10 but cost less than that.

I have done that for two friends and the letters are still piping in the conversation 20 and 17 years later.

Persephone70 · 25/01/2018 22:33

Sometimes I feel like I am living in a parallel universe to the vast majority of MNetters. OP said they can afford £10, the question was whether that was enough. OP also said that bride & groom had asked for money. So.... why is £10 frowned upon? Why are so many people saying get them plonk, make a gift, etc? They asked for money, OP can give money. I really must be old-fashioned (or something), because I would be chuffed with £10 and people making the effort to come to my wedding. Not that I would ever have asked for money when I got married! Some of our close friends that came to our wedding didn’t bring gifts - but, we actually wouldn’t have registered that fact if they hadn’t pointed it out to us.
Go to the wedding, take your tenner in a card and help make their day a special one - that is all I wanted at mine 😍

OutToGetYou · 25/01/2018 22:46

How the fuck does a "very good bottle of wine" cost less than £10? A cheap very ordinary bottle of wine costs less than ten pounds. A really good bottle of wine would maybe start at £25 and of course the sky is the limit.

Jesus, giving people wine/prosecco/'fizz' as wedding presents?! What is the world coming to?
If they ask for cash, whether you think it is rude to so or not, just give them bloody cash or nothing

pollymere · 25/01/2018 22:52

Maybe a nice bottle of fizz instead? £10 would seem an odd amount, although I certainly wouldn't be upset if someone had given it to me. Most of the people at our evening do didn't give us gifts at all. We didn't invite them to get presents.

AtSea1979 · 25/01/2018 22:54

Go on your own, that will cut some costs down then you can put £30 in the card and the money will be more than their outgoing on you as most evening buffets etc are £15-£20 per head.

Barbara1956 · 25/01/2018 23:28

Was invited to a pals son's wedding , cost me over £400 in hotels etc gave. a very minimal present , haven't heard from them since!!

inchoccyheaven · 25/01/2018 23:41

We didn't have seperate evening guests at our wedding recently but we would have been happy to have received £10 in a card from any guests. Much more than a bottle as we don't really like wine or procecco.
We received so many presents we were very surprised as well as money and vouchers.
Only 1 couple as far as we could work out didn't get us a card which we are surprised about as I would never go without even a card.

Tink2007 · 25/01/2018 23:43

Personally I don’t think £10 is anything to have a nose turned up at! At our wedding we had a range of amounts from £10 - all of which were very gratefully received.

cherish123 · 26/01/2018 00:16

I would feel odd about giving cash but if that's what they asked for -that's fine. I think £10 is fine as eve guest. TBH - I think it's bit cheeky to have eve guests....

BakedBeans47 · 26/01/2018 00:17

In all the circumstances YANBU

AvoidingDM · 26/01/2018 00:28

Op if it's what you can afford it's what you can afford. But I'd make sure your friend is aware of your skintness so they don't think your just being tight.

Barbara1956 are you one of my MILs pals who she absolutely insisted got an invitation to our wedding that we were paying for?
I'm married nearly 10 years and there were folk at my wedding who wouldn't know me if they passed me in the street. No sign of these "pals" at any weddings or family functions since, but they absolutely had to be at our wedding. With the benefit of hindsight they would be getting told NO we're not inviting all your pals.

Geordie1944 · 26/01/2018 08:20

You don't have to give anything. I think this kind of behaviour on the part of couples getting married is, simply, greedy and grasping.

BringMeTea · 26/01/2018 08:36

Any requests for cash = no cash from me. For an evening invitation it is beyond the pale. Luckily for me none of my friends or family have been so tacky.

If you feel obliged to, a tenner is fine.

expatinscotland · 26/01/2018 09:30

'Go on your own, that will cut some costs down then you can put £30 in the card and the money will be more than their outgoing on you as most evening buffets etc are £15-£20 per head'

FFS. It's a wedding, not a restaurant where you're expected to pay for the cost of your meal. Why on Earth should she go alone just so she can hand over more money? If you expect people to pay for their cost per head, charge admission and be done with it. Do you tell people to hand you money equivalent to what it cost you to host them when you throw a dinner party? Or a BBQ? Or a birthday party?

ZanyMobster · 26/01/2018 11:50

Bringmytea - it's so weird as literally everyone I know (for a local wedding) has an evening do. Usually 60-70 people daytime then 100-200 in total for the evening, there is always a big buffet and disco/band. No one I have ever met has ever questioned an evening do, the 1st time I heard it was a 'thing' was on mumsnet. It is usually family/closest friends day time then work colleagues, general mates etc in the evening.

It is nice getting an evening invite for instance to a colleagues wedding given the fact you spend every day with them,, it would be weird to go in the day, especially if you don't socialise away from work but nice to see them at their party.

I have been married twice, once with a big white wedding with 80 guests day time and an evening do with 150, we had a great party and everyone enjoyed it, very few declined the evening invites so clearly they had no issue. The other time was abroad so we only had an evening do once we were home.

ZanyMobster · 26/01/2018 11:54

BTW - if it was a wedding that people had to travel to I would not ask people to come along for an evening do of course, that would be mega rude!

I do know people that have done this, I was invited to one and it was an hour away, I really liked this person (ex-colleague) but got there to realise that had a late wedding breakfast so they provided no food, the wedding breakfast dessert was cake so there was no cake. The drinks were £8 each and there were only 3 couples that turned up for the evening, everyone else was daytime. I was a bit miffed as had to go straight from work, DH drove so couldn't drink and we hadn't eaten.

The whole thing was odd, I would not have considered an evening invite an issue before but would think twice in those circumstances,

anothersuitcase · 26/01/2018 12:49

Don't overthink it. £10 is fine, some evening guests will give more, some nothing at all. As for the poem, every wedding I've been to for the last decade or so has done this and I just can't get worked up about it like so many mumsnetters do.

seafooodplatter · 26/01/2018 14:42

This thread is laughable.

You bunch of nasty snobs.

People saying don't gift a bottle.

People saying don't 'just' put £10 in a card.

Someone actually said write a card explaining they are skint Hmm

Fucking hell I am gobsmacked at some replies.

It's your gift to give. Give what you are comfortable with and able to give.

I'm pretty sure I'm not friends with or related to anyone that would be so snobby and rude about any cash or gift.

Amummyatlast · 26/01/2018 18:39

Why is saying don't gift a bottle snobbish? The ones saying that (me included) are the ones saying if you want to give a gift give money, because that's what the bride and groom actually want.

seafooodplatter · 26/01/2018 19:06

Som posters came across like they think giving a bottle is a lazy or crap present.

ZanyMobster · 26/01/2018 20:19

seafood - totally agree, I can't imagine wanting to be friends with anyone who would react badly to a tenner in a card or a bottle of bubbly.

ThursdayLastWeek · 26/01/2018 20:30

Evening guests gave us a bottle - it was greatly appreciated and we drank the champagne on our first anniversary.

When unemployed I attended a whole wedding and was only able to gift a tenner. Because they are my friends send not assholes they never mentioned it. Apart from to thank me obviously,

I sometimes give lottery tickets with numbers special to the couple. If they don’t win, they still have something with their wedding date on.

Kitty6 · 27/01/2018 19:41

Outtogetyou You little chavy charmer...no. a good bottle of wine does not 'start at £25', there are many deals to be had if you know what you are looking for. The OP said she had £10 and people are trying to help her. No one needs some social pretender trying to boost their own tiny ego by telling others that they only buy wine at £25 +. Transparent.

I agree with Seafoodplatter. Just give what you can, but a gift imo is preferable to £10 in a card as it shows some thought and effort.

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