AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10 as a gift?

[roconnell]

DP and I have received an evening invitation from one of my friends from uni, who I was fairly close to at the time, but haven't seen for over a year. DP has never met this friend or their soon to be spouse.

The invitation has come with one of those poems, along the lines of 'we have everything we could possibly need, but a little extra cash would be great,' type thing.
The issue is we could literally only afford £10 max. I'm part way through a masters degree and surviving mostly off a loan, and DP is also a student, and works part time in a very low paying job. AIBU to go to a wedding reception and give £10, or would it be better to just give nothing?

No the only thing that is rude is turning up with no gift. I have never ever ever felt that an invitation I've received suggesting cash is rude. Also, every wedding I've been to in the last few years asked for cash. It seems to only be here on MN that it's not the done thing.

FGS everyone should (and will) want to give a gift and suggesting cash is only giving an idea of what gift they would prefer - so they don't get hundreds of nice photo frames (that then won't match or maybe won't suit their style), or loads of bottles of (also totally impersonal) alcohol.

So many cultures embraced wedding cash gift many years ago (is it Greek weddings where part of the do is to pin cash onto the bride?) so why do we still insist that buying anything is fine but cash is the devil?

take a card and a bottle, and if things are as tight as you say, drink the bottle 'gift' at your table. (i would never do this but was agog when at a meal recently one of the women there opened a bottle of fizz at the table and shoved it in the ice bucket)

No the only thing that is rude is turning up with no gift.

Why is that rude?

So shocked at some of these responses and also so, so pleased that the people posting them aren't my friends. A tenner in a card is absolutely enough op, please don't let the greedy, grabby posters on here make you think otherwise.

On a separate note op. I recently attended a cousins wedding. I got them matching keyrings, they are wooden jigsaw pieces and have their names and date of the wedding on them. They absolutely loved them and they didn't cost much at all off amazon or eBay. Everyone has keys so its a gift most will like.

I once put a fiver in a card. Not proud but I was really skint at the time. It was a budget wedding though.

Rude is expecting a gift in the first place

I agree that just a card would be the best bet, with a nice note saying you would them to come to dinner after the honeymoon.

The only thing that upset me at my own wedding were the two people who didn’t even bother with a card, that’s the thoughtful part IMO. No gift/£10/bottle/cheesy Mr and Mrs gifts - all fine by me

I'm very surprised at those saying they would prefer guests not to come if they can't afford a decent gift or amount of money.

I'm glad I've never come across anyone like this.

If i could only afford £10 I wouldn't go.

Scabbersley, why? Do you really have friends who would make you feel bad about 'only' giving £10, and who'd rather you didn't attend?

This thread is quite depressing.

If that’s all you can afford then that will be fine. Actually if that’s all you can afford then you are being far more generous than someone who gives £50, but could afford more.

£10 is perfectly acceptable - it's £10 more than they've got which they can put towards something they don't need given they've already got everything.

I can't believe people being sniffy about other people being broke and only being able to afford a small amount of money - 'expect nothing, appreciate everything' we could do with a bit more of tha

£10 is fine. There's no need to save up more (presumably doing without things for yourself). There's no need to be embarrassed about it either.
I also don't understand why some people think giving £10 (which they want) is bad, while giving a bottle of wine (which they don't want and would cost less) is good.

I’d give a gift - a bottle of Aldi champagne is a tenner. Nice bag. (The label doesn’t scream ‘Aldi’ and it’s decent to drink).

I'd decline because of them asking for money, especially the disingenuous 'presence over presents but give us stuff anyway' crap. When did the logical end to "We have everything we need" become "...so give us cash" instead of "...so please just bring yourself and nothing else?"

I honestly wouldn't spend £10 on these people.

It's not hard to understand why some people might not be happy with £10.
People don't really know another person's financial situation. You might think you do, and its often judged based on the fact that someone had a holiday this year, or bought a new car, they don't have kids, they both work blah blah blah. So once someone has 'deemed' someone else not to be financially struggling, they think that £10 means they don't really value their friendship or they're just being tight.

I got married recently and many people didn't do gifts or cards which was fine by me. It was an event for me to spoil them for a day not to get something back.

A bottle of wine and a card ia above and beyond for an evening guest and only ob mumsnet do I see this gift obsession. I literally did not notice or care who did and didnt give cards etc

I would also find it embarrassing to give £10. Its not very much money, you’d spend more buying them a coffee. I would give £30-50 but I reckon £20 would be ok at a push

its Not hard to understand why giving £10 isn’t acceptable- where does that end. Would you tape 3 pound coins to their card?

once someone has 'deemed' someone else not to be financially struggling, they think that £10 means they don't really value their friendship or they're just being tight.

Do people really keep track of their friends' holidays/car and judge their finances by things like having kids or not? Who has the time? Do they keep spreadsheets?

Honestly, if you spend time at or after your wedding going through presents and cards and saying 'Oooh, Barbara and Keith only gave us £10 and I KNOW they're loaded; they've been to Tenerife twice this year already,' frankly you need a life.

Cherry, £10 might not be 'very much money' to you, but can you entertain the possibility that it is a lot of money to some people?

I would also find it embarrassing to give £10. Its not very much money, you’d spend more buying them a coffee. I would give £30-50 but I reckon £20 would be ok at a push

Where the hell are you buying coffees from?

Maybe give slightly more as a cheque with the hope they won't cash it until the following month?? I realise this will only work if the wedding date is at the end of the month.
Otherwise I would personally prefer just a card with a heartfelt message rather than £10, specially if I then found out what a struggle it had been to my guests.
Maybe invite them round for dinner at a later date to make up for the lack of gift? It will be also be a nice way to rekindle the friendship and newly married couples always enjoy seeing their guests in the months after their wedding.