AIBU about my son’s reaction to my accident?

[atupri]

I slipped off the top of stairs this morning and landed on my bottom. Cried due to the shock and pain after it. My son was sitting right in front of me watching Tv while it happened. He didn’t come to me to check if I’m ok or ask me anything. After a while, I managed to get up and go to the kitchen. He then came over and asked for his breakfast. I felt so sad and disappointed about his reaction. Please tell me if AIBU to be angry with his reaction. He is 7.

To everyone saying it's normal... Wow I'm really shocked that a 7yo isn't capable/expected to show empathy.

Surely some acknowledgement would be normal.

OP have you since sat him down and explained what happened and that you would expect him/it would be nice of him to check if you were ok etc?

THis is NOT goady, just an observation. All responses so far are from parents of boys and I'm wondering if we have different expectations of girls. A 7-8 year old boy is "too young" but I feel a 7-8 year old girl would be expected to be more empathetic. FWIW I'm not sure my dd at that age would have been concerned either. Just thoughts!! Hope you're not too sore OP.

Similair has happened to me ( I'm very clumsy ) ds 6 would initially laugh and then check if I'm ok , give me a hug and carry back on with whatever he is doing

DH and I had the norovirus. DCs (then aged about 9 and 6) raced across the landing towards us shouting “Quick, come and look - someone’s being sick”! Well DCs, I’m glad we managed to entertain you.

I had one episode of hypotension and I fainted when my DD was 7. She called the ambulance and explained the situation. I think you should have a chat with your son about empathy and also how to proceed in a emergency. I hope you're feeling better.

Dh fell down the stairs Sunday afternoon. He was carrying the vacuum cleaner a day stepped on the cable. Dd (6.5) saw it from the top of the stairs and shouted "daddy". I was in the bedroom so went to see and he was at the bottom so had fallen at least half way.
Dd was as equally concerned as me that he was OK. (he is, but is still a bit sore on places).
She is quite sensitive though. Not sure if other children ok now would have been so concerned.
At least it was less eventful than last time he fell down the stairs. Dd was about 18 months and he was carrying her. Ended up having to go to A&E on boxing day to get his wrist looked at.
Hope you are feeling OK now.

I'm not being goady, but some of the responses on here are the very reason there are so many narcissists out there!!!!

Op sit him down and have a good chat about empathy & compassion and how important it is

For context, my DD has been showing empathy since she was less than a year old! If she heard another baby crying she would pull a sad face, make a whiney concerned noise and well up! As soon as I told her the baby was ok then she was ok! Ever since then if she ever sees me upset or I trip up etc she comes up and puts her little hand on me, pats me and says "Are you ok Mummy"

She's 3. So yes, at 7 I would be very shocked that he had witnessed not just another fellow human being potentially being hurt but his own mother(!) and didn't bat an eyelid....

Thikit *Similar happened to me, in fact my son stepped over me and went into his room and closed the door. He was 22.

I feel your pain OP, it's upsetting no matter how old they are.*

He did whaaaaaaaaat? 22? No malice intended but does he show any other narcissistic tendencies/attitudes? I hope you went ballistic!!!!!

My ds1 has ASD and would definitely have rushed to find out if I was OK when he was 7, although he would have done it in his own odd little way, probably asking me if I needed a cup of tea or something. He was diagnosed at 6 and we had done quite a lot of work with him on empathy and expressing feelings and engaging with people. I think, prior to that, he would have registered that I was hurt, and that that was a bad thing, and had someone asked him, he would have said that he didn't want mummy to be hurt etc - but at the time of the accident, it may not have occurred to him that he needed to show that in any way. He used to come up to me and ask me what I thought about something he'd just read, not realising that we don't all occupy the same space so I wouldn't have seen it when he did. It's mindblindness, and it does inhibit what we would interpret as empathy - but ds1 does have empathy, and compassion, and can be very altruistic and thoughtful - he needed (and still needs) structured support to understand how to demonstrate and act on his empathic feelings, and what that needs to look like from the other person's perspective.

Sorry to ramble. Just that other posters have mentioned ASD, and I wanted to contribute my experience, because it may not be that your son didn't care, more that he doesn't realise that he needs to convey that to you in a way that will be meaningful for you.

Mine would all definitely have been concerned if they’d seen me fall and very worried if I was crying.

They’ve only seen me cry once though, after both our dogs died within two weeks of each other.

DS1 is an older teen, DD is 9, and the DTs are 5.

I’m a bit surprised at all the DCs here who wouldn’t be worried by someone falling down the stairs and crying.

I think what some people whose children didn't react "properly" are saying, sleight, is that their DC would be so "worried" that they would have a "shut down" reaction until somewhat normal service is resumed by the parent. Don't forget anxiety comes with fight, flight or freeze responses. 'Fight' reactors are called to action when something goes wrong. The other two types of responders are called to withdraw, 'freezers' into a "rabbit in the headlights" don't respond at all type of reaction. It doesn't mean that all these children are narcissists or psychopaths or even have much to do with empathy.

Yes, I can certainly see DT2 freezing if he was really frightened.
I meant doing nothing over the course of the whole event rather than not immediately rushing to help though. A lot of the examples seemed to be of DCs being completely unconcerned rather than terrified.

What a lot of fuss.

I have a 7 year old too. Every child is different. Last week I slipped and dropped my hot water all down my hand. Was so painful..Got a burn and blister. My daughter sprinted to get a wet cold flannel and kept asking if I was ok all night. I also have a 7 year old cousin that didn't bat an eyelid when her mum fell and hurt her ankle while I was round there for new years. I understand why youd feel a bit sad but i wouldn't take it to heart too much

OP...firstly I hope you are feeling better now.

I remember being about 7/8 and sat eating my lunch at my grandads house, he fell over in the doorway and just stayed laying there. I totally froze. I didn't know what to do, but remember I kept looking to make sure he was breathing, but other than that I just sat there frozen. My brother came in and shouted for my grandma and then an ambulance was called.

30 years later I still remember that feeling of fear and not knowing what to do, and just been frozen to the spot. Its thrown back in my face by my brother if we have an argument, or made a butt of a joke... But I really wish I had known what to do.

Use it as a learning point, talk to him about what to do if you had an accident, how he should come and ask if you're ok, if you need anything. He won't have done it to intentionally ignore you or to upset you. he will love you, but like me, he may not have the coping strategies to know what to do without it being explained.

Have you considered a first aid course...my ds has recently done one (he's 9) and he's told me loads of what to do if certain things happen. and seems really prepared and clued up since doing it.