AIBU about my son’s reaction to my accident?

[atupri]

I slipped off the top of stairs this morning and landed on my bottom. Cried due to the shock and pain after it. My son was sitting right in front of me watching Tv while it happened. He didn’t come to me to check if I’m ok or ask me anything. After a while, I managed to get up and go to the kitchen. He then came over and asked for his breakfast. I felt so sad and disappointed about his reaction. Please tell me if AIBU to be angry with his reaction. He is 7.

Yup - that's boys for you!

Yours maybe and I'd address that if I were you.

I think I would be disappointed in my son did or said nothing when I fell over in front of him. And I was when I fell over in front of my son in a petrol forecourt!

I think being 7 it is quite normal but also a chance to explain to him how one should act when someone falls over.

My son is 7 too.

I have a 7yo DD, and three weeks ago I fell down the stairs. Both flights, with some weird pivot move on the landing. Nothing broken, but a shock and quite painful.

I tried to play it down so as not to worry her (I’m very aware of avoiding the kind of parentification I got dealt as a kid).

DD came immediately. She was worried, solicitous and empathetic. She stroked my head, helped me up and offered to get the frozen peas for my bruises. She was a darn sight more assistance than my DH, who I think gets useless and paralysed in these situations.

I know different kids have different personalities, but I think you are right to be a bit concerned. Your 7yo is not too young to show active empathy as some posters are suggesting.

I’d be googling ‘encouraging empathy’ strategies for primary school aged kids.

And for your fall, it’s a horrible feeling. Kinda clumsy, scared, shocked and sore all at once!

Some very odd comments here. I’d describe myself as an emotional person but that doesn’t mean as some are suggesting, that I cry every day and my dc’s are still not ‘used to’ seeing me cry. My eldest boy is 3 and would be concerned if I was upset or hurt, why is that a bad thing exactly? Empathy is an important emotion, definitely worth OP speaking to her son about the situation.

I find it odd that one person suggests that children shouldn’t see their parents cry. I’d argue the exact opposite is true. If they learn early that their parents experience a range of emotions and aren’t superhero’s then it won’t come as a shock when their older. I’d also argue that children need to learn how to accurately show and discuss their emotions instead of being encouraged to bottle them up, which in adulthood can contribute to anxiety and depression.

My kids are autistic and 2 out of 3 would have shown concern at that age.

he probably didnt realise it could have been serious ....you get some kids that are so caring, helpful, understanding and sypathetic etc and some who carry on with whatever ...i have one of each !

i fell yesterday twice going down a hill in the snow and hurt my wrist my kids were worried but my father wasn't when i told him so not just kids

The only time my 6 year old would have been interested would have been if my keg was falling off and then it would be because she’d want to see what’s inside - do I have the next serial killer

I actually remember something similar happening when I was about 7 (my mum fell over). Inside I was sympathetic and worried she had hurt herself but I didn't know how to express it. Hard to describe, but I felt sort of awkward asking her if she was ok - because she was an adult, and my mum (if it had been a friend/classmate I wouldn't have hesitated). So I just sort of pretended it hadn't happened.

It wasn't that I didn't care, I just didn't know how to respond when it was an adult. If it had been something serious and she was unconscious or something I would definitely have rang 999. Obviously as I got older I learnt I could respond in the same way as I would to a friend.

I'm sure it's not that he doesn't care; he's just a child.

I would be concerned.
My 7 year old son would have cried if he had seen my crying in pain.

I crashed down the stairs a month or so ago my four yr old was upset and kept asking if I was ok. If I got no response from A child, I would use the opportunity immediately to teach a lesson in empathy and being aware/ conscious of other people and their needs.

KNain, that sounds normal to me. Why would children know exactly the right reaction to have? Adults don't!

They would react somehow though, it's human instinct.

all the kids i know at that age like my DSC and cousins kids are pretty self absorbed unless I was screaming in pain I wouldn't expect them to come to my aid! They seem to think that since your an adult you can deal with anything but If your worried about his response I'd discuss it with him that it's common courtesy to ask someone if they're ok and offer assistance if they've had an accident even if it seems they are fine.

OP, I'd be sad, disappointed and actually bewildered if my son had done this when he was 7. Not nice at all.

My son was around that age when I cut the end of my finger off while preparing his dinner.
As I stood there holding a bloodsoaked tea towel to my finger, while making strangulated type noises (because I didn’t want to scream and upset him) he looked from the knife to the tea towel to me and asked “So how long til dinner?”

He does have Aspergers mind you, and now at 15 he’d be the first to exclaim worriedly “Omg are you ok??” so there’s hope for your son yet!

I find some of these answers odd. When my husband fell over carrying a tile cutter recently, and cut his hands quite badly, my 5 year old DS was very concerned and wanted to call an ambulance! I suspect your son was distracted by the TV (my 5 year old is like a zombie when the tv is on), but I would still be wanting to have a conversation with him about empathy.

My son has autism and if anything is 'over' empathetic. He gets very distressed if someone hurts themselves and would have been very upset at 7 if I had fallen like the OP did.

Mine probably wouldn't have noticed either until he needed me for something and found me in a crumpled heap. He's 8!

My son has autism and if anything is 'over' empathetic. He gets very distressed if someone hurts themselves and would have been very upset at 7 if I had fallen like the OP did.

Yes. Same in this house. Very tuned in.

Hi, what a wonderful discussion! 3 out of 4 of my children are on the autism spectrum with the youngest being a 100% 'neurotypical' megalomaniac! She's the Margaret Thatcher of the future - I've picked out her "Frozen" themed handbag already. So two of my autistic kids would have picked up the pain, to the point where they'd have actually have panicked and I would have found myself having to try and settle them whilst hiccuping in pain. My eldest however would happily walk over a dying person to get to what she needs. She's almost 18 and I recently cut myself deeply enough that it needed weekly wound re-dressing etc. My eldest's reaction. Oh mum that's awful, but when I had this "paper" cut it was awful AND you wouldn't take me to hospital - I mean I nearly died. Not sure how helpful this is to OP but having had 4 kids, 3 on the spectrum, mums aren't supposed to have accidents and feel pain. That just doesn't happen. But hope your bottom is feeling better.

Both mine have ASD. One would come to see if I was okay. Not sure about the other. Depends how 'occupied' he is. Mind you I'm a bit clumsy generally and do the whole "Oh I'm fine, I'm fine, not to worry, silly me" thing while screaming inwardly.

Tbf people are confusing enough when you don't have ASD.

Wow! I'm surprised that lots of people are saying it's normal behaviour for a 7 year old. My son would have been fetching me blankets or rubbing my arm if I hurt myself that much. He's 7 and has been like this from about the age of 4. Whenever I'm tired and lying down on the sofa, he's off fetching me pillows and blankets. Even my autistic 9yo would also ask if I was ok if I'd been hurt that badly and she struggles with empathy.

My son is also awaiting assessment for ASD.