To want to leave him over this?

[loveheartsandchoc]

I want to have kids and have always told Dh that I want 1 or 2. I told him this even before getting married and he agreed to it.

He is now back tracking saying that our lives are good as they are. He already has kids from a previous relationship and he feels that he is done. He says he hates being responsible for kids and enjoys the lie ins when they are not around. He said why would I want to ruin our lives?

I am beyond annoyed. His kids are not an annoyance to be tolerated (that is how he sees it). This alone makes me not want to have kids with him anyway, how can he talk about his own children like that.

If we did have kids together I feel like he would take all the joy out of the pregnancy and raising of the child anyway as he views it all so negatively. And to top it all off expecting me to help with raising his kids and have none of my own is a bit too much. I feel that he is very selfish and acts like a spoiled child. Sorry for the rant!

If you have one you'll be left to it and he'll be resentful.

Does he know that this is a dealbreaker?

Ltb. It will only get worse I promise.

What sort of a father is he to his existing children, does he go above and beyond for them?

OP said he does a lot for them, and they are as good as gold. Doesn’t really sound like he’s a bad father tbh.

Fair enough, he doesn’t want more kids. What’s really not fair is not being upfront with you, leading you on then dropping the truth in once you’re married, and still trying to keep you on the line by saying he’ll maybe have one if you want to. Maybe.

I think it’s a horrible position for you both to be in, and I personally would leave. I wouldn’t have kids with someone who wasn’t 110% on board, and I couldn’t sacrifice my wanting to have kids. You’re not wrong for wanting to leave him over this, I’d want to (and would) do the same. 💐

Don't have a child with him. It will be shit, if you do.

Tbh I'd have to wonder what else he lied about as well

so, would you leave him OP? Can you consider couples counselling? Do you have support in RL? How old are you both and do you own or rent - would some time apart be helpful now?

I was in a similar situation and I left.

He is a good father. But seems only out of a sense of duty. He doesn't enjoy it at all.
I told him I'm leaving him and he said go on leave then. I think he should leave, this is mainly my house (legally sorted I made sure) and he has tried to change the rules, not me.
I can't even look at him, he disgusts me right now. I need him to leave.

He is a good father. But seems only out of a sense of duty. He doesn't enjoy it at all

Ok, so do NOT have children with this man. Guessing it might be this attitude that terminated the relationship with the childrens’ mum?

Your relationship is dead in the water now as he’s reneging on possibly thecreadkn you agreed to marry him. Fall pregnant “accidentally” and he’ll hate you for life. Him denying you the family you wish for mans you’ll end up hating him.

I am sorry OP, but this is his making not yours.

*the reason

So sorry it has worked out this way, OP, but you are doing the right thing. I hope you meet the right person and have the life you want. As long as you stay with him, you certainly won't.

Ask him to go OP. Don’t delay.

He's been grim... If this is a deal breaker for you.. Find someone who wants to have kids...

It will be horrible in 20/25 years time when he has his (bio) grandchildren and you haven't had the kids you really want...

It really is awful....

Insist that he does leave and don't be drawn back in by promises or by him saying he didn't mean it when he realises you are serious and he is losing his nice home and his child care support.

" He says he hates being responsible for kids and enjoys the lie ins when they are not around. "

"But seems only out of a sense of duty. He doesn't enjoy it at all. "

Don't even consider kids with him then!

It's not the fact that he doesn't want any more children that's the deal breaker. After DD2 moved past the toddler stage (they're both adopted), my DH made it very clear that 2 DDs were enough and got rid of all the baby things. That's perfectly right.

But your DH misled you by the sound of it, you don't have any choice but to leave if you want DCs. If he gives in reluctantly you won't get any help from him, and he won't like it when he has a blended family to take into consideration.

That wasn't the reason it ended with his ex.

Yes he does need to go.... his game is up now.
You will feel in the relieved, not immediately but in the future.
Well done for being so strong and deceive. Change the locks and make sure your accounts are secure. He was not the man you thought he was, you have had such a lucky escape

Sorry for typos
Decisive

I’m sure he’s not the first person to have said they want or do not want children in order not to lose someone they love.

Or not enjoy being a parent.

Thinking that your want for children is more important than his not to is wrong though

Given that the op is an individual in her own right who has the ability to leave the relationship and move on if she fancies it.

She should prioritise her own wishes on this over his.

You said you were leaving and he said go on then. He doesn’t sound bothered at all. Do you own the house? If so he should leave. How long is the marriage, if short it will be easier to walk away with what you brought into it.

Oh dear he’s sounding worse. Ask him to leave if the house is mainly yours.

Out of interest how old are you both?

If you want him to go today, ask him to go and stay with someone whilst you both decide what to do. Is he entitled to any equity at all from the house?